Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Cat Tale

From: yark@meatlux.comdon (RevLurch)

Date: Fri, 21 Nov 1997 15:59:58 GMT

 

spunmonkey@empty.net (Spunmonkey) wrote:

>I recently aquired a gorgeous fixed and declawed Himalayan Persian

>tom, named Baby.

 

>The cat came premutilated and pre-named. He certainly had no choice

>in the fact that he has been converted from a cat to an animated

>throw-pillow, through a mixture of genetic manipulation and surgery.

 

Has sort of a revolting name. Cats are too dumb to realize what their

name is in most cases anyway, so maybe you could give it a new one. As

long as it ends with a "y" sound it will probably ignore you and

refuse to come when you yell the new one as well. Based on the rest

of the story, "Weenie" would seem to be a more appropriate moniker.

 

>Baby is quite intelligent and charming. He aquired a beautiful singing

>voice from his Siamese genes, and is always waiting to serenade me

>when I arrive home from work... The manipulative little bastard.

 

bleech

 

>A couple of days ago, Baby stayed out a little too late, and was

>viciously ambushed by a huge, lace-eared old tom that has claimed our

>neighborhood as his personal kingdom. I heard the racket and and broke

>the two cats up, but I was a little bit late. Baby was badly chewed

>up, and had to be rushed to the Vet to be stitched back together and

>placed on antibiotics.

 

>By today, baby was feeling and looking much like his old self again.

>Save for a few shaved spots and stitches.

 

>I have a Ruger MkII .22LR target pistol that I left over at a friends

>house for modifications the day after Baby was injured. It was also

>ready today.

 

>It now sports a very effective suppressor (silencer) and a Tasco

>laser-site. perfect for night hunting.

 

Ditto what Curt said about yammering on about having a suppressor.

What sort did your friend make for you? A for-real sionic job or one

of them pop-bottle or PVC pipe and brillo pad monstrosities the folks

at Paladin press sell dumb plans for claiming they really work when in

fact they really don't work at all, but can still get you arrested if

you are dumb enough to ducttape one of them onto your gun? If the

former, your friend must be one hell of a machinist. Installing a

threaded nipple in the barrell of a Ruger and constructing all those

baffles is a bitch. Just curious.

 

>Tonight I went out and found the old tom, and shot him through the

>hips, a purposeful maiming shot. I waited for a few minutes for him to

>bleed out a bit and weaken. I then brought him home with me.

 

Well, I've killed a lotta animals, but I've always tried to make it

quick and painless. If you aren't trolling and/or lying about this you

are a sick puke.

 

>Baby finished him off quite nicely.

>It was the least I could do for Baby, and possibly Baby's only chance

>to be a real tomcat.

 

You could just shot the other cat through the head and ducttaped some

rubber nuts to your "little pussy."

 

>And no-one and I mean NO-ONE hurts someone that I call "My Baby"

>and gets away with it.

 

Bleeech again.

 

Anyway, not a bad troll. Good Luck!

 

>Spunmonkey

 

lurch