Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: The Mennonites (was Re: ::: Amish Dope Fiends :::)

From: sluglips@frostedCheez.com (Yard Man )

Date: Sat, 27 Jun 1998 17:34:23 GMT

 

David Voth <drv1@concentric.net> wrote:

>Evil Scumhead Johnson wrote:

>

><zany tale of the stoner Amish snipped>

>

>> And the Mennonites! Don't get me started on the Mennonites...

>

>OK, then _I'll_ tell you about the Mennonites.

>

>My ex's uncle Bill told me a tale of one of his neighbors, a 13-year-old

>Mennonite kid in northeastern Ohio, who got in trouble with his dad.

>Dad found a major wad o' cash, about $500, in the kid's coat pocket one

>day. He demanded to know where the kid got the money (they

>traditionally think money is EEEVIL), so the kid fessed up to being

>quite an entrepreneur.

>

>A few weeks earlier the kid's dad had assigned him two major chores -

>Tear down an old termite-ridden shed, and get rid of all the pigeons in

>the barn. So the kid got a brilliant idea for "recycling" the

>materials. He tore down the shed, and from the better pieces of scrap

>lumber constructed about 200 small cages.

 

mebbe the yard man is dumb, but he done caught a pigeon or two, and he

thinks maybe that anybody that would make 200 cages for 200 pigeons is

dumber than the yard man, let alone out of nothing besides shabby-ass

rotten chunks of framing timber and siding. Hourly rate on THAT sort

of effort would be, eh, chickenshit.

 

> He captured the pigeons with

>some kind of ingenious trap he invented,

 

bet he made one of them for each bird, too. Funny, any Mennernite kid

worth his weight in in black highwaters and stupid hats would know all

he had to do was get up in the rafters at night, shine a light on

them, and fill up a sack with their dumb asses.

 

>put one bird in each cage, and

>sold them for $2.50 each to some shotgunners at the local gun club.

 

is easy to just reach into a cage fulla birds and grab one, then let

him go. That's usually how I seen that sort of sick deliberate

helpless, slow flying in a straight line, disoriented just

out-of-a-cage JUST TOO FUCKIN EASY bird carnage handled when I was the

one throwing admittedly worthless City Shitters in front of fat,

stupid slobs with guns.

 

anyways, if he'd been really smart, he'd a lured the pigeons into the

rotten shed with some cracked corn, locked them in there, gotten a keg

of beer, and charged the shotgunners $20 a head to "get shitfaced and

blow the FUCK out of a rotten building fulla dumbass birds!" Coulda

kilt 2 birds with one shitload of shells. Or 200 birds and one shed

with a goony idea, and sat up under a tree with enough money to put a

first-class stereo system and a back-up garbage truck beeper on the

family plain black automobile doing nothing except saying: "Silly

arseholes! HEHEHEHEHEH." Yard man thinks he blowed it. But he WOULD

have been willing to fork over $20, too. Chance like that don't come

along every day.

 

>Not only that, you can

>actually cook and eat the targets you hit. (You get a walnut-sized

>piece of decent dark meat from each one.)

 

yup. All shredded and festively decorated with shot holes and black

plugs of congealed blood and still toting some of the ounce of #8 shot

that made it fly all to pieces in mid-air, but hey, it only takes 15

or 20 minutes to dig it out and guts will usually wash out of your

britches.