Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Official Church Update 12/2/97

From: (Jesus Christ)

Date: Wed, 03 Dec 1997 08:03:08 GMT



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Official Church Update

12/2/97 0BX 2AD



Announcements, announcements aaaaahhNOWWWncements:


Austin New Years Music Fest Canned

Austin New Years Devival Set.


Who's stupid idea was it to have a campout in the middle of

January anyway...

SO what we've taken away in days we've added in Slack. Here's

the skinny:


"Bob" Dobbular New Years Eve Gala.

Bob Popular 402 East 6th Street


Saturday January 3rd


Brought to you by: FRINGEWARE

Confirmed: Rev Ivan Stang, Pope Angus, Nickie Deathchick,

Jesus, DJ DropCycle

Likely: Dr. K'taden Legume, Satans Cheerleaders, Booger 9000,

Rev Juggler, Sex Goddess Fetish Show


The idea is to pack as many mutants into one place for the

biggest freak out of the last year of our lives! Be ready for Slack

like you've never experienced before. There will be ranters and

music ALL FRIGGIN' NIGHT. We'll use time control to roll

back the clock and ring in the new year, with noise makers, hats

and even a ball drop (Rev Stang will provide the ball.) Witness

the earth anthem. See the Acid Jesus drop a dope beat. Marvel

at Pope Angus' coat of many colors. Experience Deathchick's

newest Ritual of Pain. Dance, Dance Dance, Frop, and Die, get

resurrected and do it again. Covet, lust, hate, because tomorrow





Friday Dec 12th

7:30pm and on

Bar of Soap --Fair Park


Ok Dallasians this is our new and final meeting place. It is

PERMANENT -- whatever that may mean to a SubGenius.

Every second Friday of the month until X-day we will meet here.

We can not afford to send the post cards anymore, so pass it on.

The bar has mentioned providing the means for recording the

Hour of Slack live. I do not know if it will happen this month,

but it might. Stang, Nickie, Prof. Insanity, Jesus, Angus, Shook,

hell the whole cult should be there, so YOU should be there too.

HELL this would be the perfect opportunity to suicide bomb the

Church Hierarchy and end this mockery and perversion of

society. Hope to see you there!



speaking of the HOS welcome to station #16 CHUO FM in, you

guessed it, CANADA.

Tune into FM 89.1 Thursday at 2AM for the Hour of Slack.


Let's face it Canada has more Slack than the states, yes we have

more money, and guns, but who loves "Bob" more I ask you.

Those poor suckers haven't seen a Stark Fist in 8 years, but do

they complain? NO! Instead they double their devotion to

"Bob" by adding more stations, making more products, and

buying more stuff. I'll tell you what -- if there was a war I'd

move there in a second! We can't even make a dollar coin right!

This is the home of not only the Loony but now the Twony. (I'd

just wish the bastards would stop sending me the worthless

crap.) And if you think just their money is better looking, you

haven't been to a Canadian strip club. Trust me these fuckers

put the ass in class. Praise Canada.


So Canada I salute you, and the great people of your great

country with this song.


Oh Canada

(Sung loosely to the tune of Oh Christmas tree formerly Oh



Oh Canada, Oh Canada

What a great country you are


Oh Canada, Oh Canada

What a great country you are.


*Your Maple leaf we hold so dear

We watch your hockey, we drink your beer.


Oh Canada , oh Canada

What a great country you are.


*(Ok repeat with these verses)

We think its cool when you say 'eh.

Who the hell rules your country anyway?


Your prostitutes are really hot

and in BC you can smoke some pot


The Sun shines bright all through the day

You're the greatest country north of the USA




Well by now you got the Fist and your renewal form. Thanks to

everyone who has already renewed. We really do need your

support. The cost of the last Stark Fist hit us hard and it's

survival (and maybe ours) is in your hands. Your donation is

needed now more then ever. If you believe in the mission, hell

even if you just get a laugh out of it from time to time, please

send in a donation.

PO Box 140306

Dallas, TX 75214




If you plan to buy SubG goods for Christmas you must hurry. In

order to insure you get them on time your order must be

received by Dec 13th! Don't forget to give the gift of Slack.

Gift memberships are available, and will save your friend's, loved

one's, child's, or pet's life in July. Sure a computer hologram of

them is almost just as good, but you'll always KNOW it's not

REALLY them, and YOU let them die!

Have a merry Christmas!

SubGenius Toll free Order line

all credit cards excepted





Photoshop for windows 3.11


Win '95 upgrade

Desktop scanner

PC with100 Mhz, 16 MB, 33.6 fax/modem

World Peace (But the PC is more important)


Still fighting the Con.


Yours in Slack