Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: PANIC ATTACK

From: Peter Hipwell <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>

Date: Sat, 20 Jun 1998 16:19:47 +0100

I've just realized I'm THE ONLY CRAZY ONE LEFT, that EVERYONE ELSE is

SANE! All this time I thought it was THE OTHER WAY ROUND! It's HIDEOUS!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

--

Sa-ti muste vampirii curul!

 

From nothing@succeeds.com Sat Jun 20 09:53:00 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: PANIC ATTACK

From: monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

Date: 20 Jun 1998 09:53:00 -0700

 

Peter Hipwell wrote:

>

> I've just realized I'm THE ONLY CRAZY ONE LEFT, that EVERYONE ELSE is

> SANE! All this time I thought it was THE OTHER WAY ROUND! It's HIDEOUS!

>

> !!!!!!!!!!!!!AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Nice try, RATIONAL BOY.

 

You kids today have no balls. When I was your age I never wore a

helmet, and today brain fine my is dandy. Guava, Tony?

 

From petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk Sat Jun 20 10:18:52 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: PANIC ATTACK

From: Peter Hipwell <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>

Date: Sat, 20 Jun 1998 18:18:52 +0100

 

monet wrote:

>

> Peter Hipwell wrote:

 

> > !!!!!!!!!!!!!AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

>

> Nice try, RATIONAL BOY.

>

> You kids today have no balls. When I was your age I never wore a

> helmet, and today brain fine my is dandy. Guava, Tony?

 

OK, who ELSE wants to call me RATIONAL BOY? Huh? Huh? You? YES, YOU

with the nose! Do you think I'm RATIONAL? Is that your ASSESMENT of the

goddamn motherfucking SITUATION? I bet the fuck it is. Jesus H.

Polevaulting Christ, you people make me SICK sometimes. Can't you see

that I'm SICK and need help? But not from YOU. I can administer my own

therapy. I was trained as a PSYCHIATRIST, you know. They only threw me

out because of that ONE LOUSY CHICKEN. But I got OVER it. Then they were

after me again with that damn ALUMINIUM BAKING FOIL and transmitting

those GODDAMN TAUNTING CLUCKS INTO MY HEAD DAY AND NIGHT and those GCHQ

goons muttering on the phone, MY GOD, the PHONECALLS -- the last pieces

are falling into place, the Queen Mother is...

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

--

Sa-ti muste vampirii curul!

 

From nothing@succeeds.com Sat Jun 20 11:32:01 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: PANIC ATTACK

From: monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

Date: 20 Jun 1998 11:32:01 -0700

 

Peter Hipwell wrote:

>

> monet wrote:

> >

> > Peter Hipwell wrote:

>

> > > !!!!!!!!!!!!!AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

> >

> > Nice try, RATIONAL BOY.

> >

> > You kids today have no balls. When I was your age I never wore a

> > helmet, and today brain fine my is dandy. Guava, Tony?

>

> OK, who ELSE wants to call me RATIONAL BOY? Huh? Huh? You? YES, YOU

> with the nose! Do you think I'm RATIONAL?

 

A child should always say what's true

And speak when he is spoken to,

But if he mumbles without stopping,

Then he should get a proper 'Fropping.

 

(repeat Allegro Furioso, 100 times while sitting outside in a coffee shop--

works for me.)

 

From petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk Sun Jun 21 04:24:36 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: PANIC ATTACK

From: Peter Hipwell <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>

Date: Sun, 21 Jun 1998 12:24:36 +0100

 

monet wrote:

 

>

> 100 times while sitting outside in a coffee shop--

>

 

Hey, this freaked me out. OUTSIDE IN a coffee shop. Like, the OUTSIDE

is IN. You've gotta get OUT OF IT before you get INTO it. Groovy. Like,

have you been there too?

 

--

Sa-ti muste vampirii curul!

 

From nothing@succeeds.com Sun Jun 21 06:12:00 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: PANIC ATTACK

From: monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

Date: 21 Jun 1998 06:12:00 -0700

 

Peter Hipwell wrote:

>

> monet wrote:

>

> >

> > 100 times while sitting outside in a coffee shop--

> >

>

> Hey, this freaked me out. OUTSIDE IN a coffee shop. Like, the OUTSIDE

> is IN. You've gotta get OUT OF IT before you get INTO it. Groovy. Like,

> have you been there too?

>

 

Ha! You can't fool me! If you were sitting INSIDE-OUT at a coffee

shop, you would violate health laws and be asked to leave!

 

Another clearly distictual sign of clarity of thought on your part,

I might add. Gentlemen, start your Thorazine!

 

From revjack@radix.net Sun Jun 21 06:38:19 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: PANIC ATTACK

From: Sketchy Albedo <revjack@radix.net>

Date: 21 Jun 1998 13:38:19 GMT

 

Previously, Peter Hipwell wrote:

 

:Hey, this freaked me out. OUTSIDE IN a coffee shop. Like, the OUTSIDE

:is IN. You've gotta get OUT OF IT before you get INTO it. Groovy. Like,

:have you been there too?

 

Pardon me for protruding, but this coffeeshop talk prompts me to ask the

opinion of all of you on something.

 

There's a coffee shop where we used to live, a block away from the college

campus (you can see it coming, can't you?) called "Planet X" that appears

to be the east coast equivalent of NENSLO's Teahouse of Horror. Late

Neo-Boho, no two chairs alike, poetry scribbled on every surface, etc. Bad

bad bad.

 

Anyway, one can find painted on the window of the place:

 

P L A N E T X

 

Coffeehouse and cafe

 

So my question to all of you is, am I entitled to sneer contemptuously at

the phrase "coffeehouse and cafe" for its redundancy, or have the

definitions really changed?

 

--

_________________

revjack@radix.net

Don't be frightened of cliches

 

From mtown11send@earth11link.net Sat Jun 20 17:29:43 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: PANIC ATTACK

From: mtown11send@earth11link.net (Michael Townsend)

Date: Sat, 20 Jun 1998 20:29:43 -0400

 

In article <358BEEFC.926@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>, Peter Hipwell

<petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk> wrote:

 

--> after me again with that damn ALUMINIUM BAKING FOIL and transmitting

 

al-you-mini-um? AL-YOU-MINI-UM? hahahhahahahaha

 

--

dad's (new) slacks po box 4722 portland me 04112-4722

remove "11 11" for email k

 

From petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk Sun Jun 21 04:28:54 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: PANIC ATTACK

From: Peter Hipwell <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>

Date: Sun, 21 Jun 1998 12:28:54 +0100

 

Michael Townsend wrote:

>

> In article <358BEEFC.926@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>, Peter Hipwell

> <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk> wrote:

>

> --> after me again with that damn ALUMINIUM BAKING FOIL and

> --> transmitting

>

> al-you-mini-um? AL-YOU-MINI-UM? hahahhahahahaha

 

Oh God. It's the tourist season again.

 

For the past TWO BLOODY HOURS the sound of massed bagpipes and drums

has been HIGHLY AUDIBLE from this room. I PASSED the threshold of

TOLERANCE approximately 10 minutes after this started. Can't these

fuckers just BUGGER OFF to some god-forsaken GLEN and WELD THEMSELVES

into the INTERIOR of a LARGE RUSTY CORRUGATED IRON SHED so they can

practice their TARTAN-CLAD DEVIANCIES without having to SPEW their

YELPING POOT across MILES of DENSELY POPULATED TERRITORY. What the

FUCK is wrong with these BLADDER-SUCKING MANIACS? It's bad enough that

I have to go into the CENTRE OF TOWN once every few weeks and hear

about 250 bagpipers hootling versions of SCOTLAND THE BRAVE -- all

EXACTLY THE SAME -- that await to greet the CASH-GLUTTED FLEECE-READY

TOURISTS as I carve my agile route through the herds of BOVINE YANK

PENSIONERS, INSANE KAMIKAZE JAPANESE VIDEO-WIELDERS, EURO-BABBLING

SPUM-TRASH SCHOOLKIDS, and other OVER and UNDERSEAS FILTH that BLOCK

the FUCKING PAVEMENT by lounging around GAWPING at totally moronic

things like a fucking HOTEL next to the fucking RAILWAY STATION -- not

even the DAMN SCENIC BITS that the CONVEYOR BELT they're on says they

should be CRICKING THEIR NECK to gaze at, and COMPLAING ABOUT the

goddamn WEATHER and the fact that they're TOO STUPID to be able to

read even the SPECIALLY PRODUCED TOURIST MAPS -- this is the only

place I've been which has BLOODY MAP DISPENSERS ALL AROUND THE STREETS

-- which have PRIMARY COLOURS and BIG ARROWS to guide even the DIZZIEST

SPLANKHEAD to a safely EXPENSIVE rendezvous with either a CASTLE or a

PALACE or a goddamn SPOOKY GHOST TOUR so they can go see some

GRAVEDIGGER shit and some PLAGUE-TUNNEL shit and some GALLOWS shit and

some ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON shit and some BROKE STUDENT DRESSED UP IN

A STUPID DRACULA COSTUME WHO THROWS A BUCKET OF WATER OVER THE

SQUEALING FUCKWITS ON THIS TOUR shit but all the time there's these

droning BAGPIPES going DURRR-NANANAN SCRIEK DURR-NA NA NANAANA. And

it's like that but MORE SO. There's probably ANOTHER fucking

CELBRATION of something unimportant out in the PARK: June during a

CONTINUAL THREE-WEEK DELUGE of PISSING-IT RAIN has turned the place

into a sea of SODDEN MUDFLAT broken up only by small patches of LITTER

and the REEK of PORTALOOS. I hope this PACK of SKIRLING TOSSPOTS

stumbles into a DEEP QUAGMIRE and DESCENDS, BURBLING, into an

ENVELOPING, SUFFOCATING CLOACAL ETERNITY that mirrors the operation of

a NEVERENDING CEILIDH run for the benefit of FAUX-CELTIC BURBLERS

GLOBALLY espousing the INAUTHENTIC INVENTIONS of "HERITAGE".

 

--

Sa-ti muste vampirii curul!