Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: one from the text mines

From: Rev Mondo <revmondo@wt.net>

Date: Thu, 08 Jan 1998 19:17:58 -0600

From Issue No. 43, Vol. 17 of the Stark Fist of Removal

Article by Leggo Lembert

Your SubG-Spot

by Leggo Lambert

 

I wish I could just drop 'em and show you the sucker! It's that god

damn simple. THIS IS NOT SOME LOUSY GIMMICK to make you feel INFERIOR

and REPRODUCTIVELY AMBIGUOS! -- like so many other spots. THIS IS THE

REAL THING and by the end of this document you will know where your

SubG-Spot is, and you will be able to find it on other people, if they ask

you to.

 

I will tell you first of all that THIS SPOT TRANSCENDS SEXUAL

ALIGNMENT. You have one. Your mother has one. That asshole who wrote the

book about that OTHER SPOT has one. AS SURE AS WE ARE ALL BORN WITH A

COGNITIVE URGE TO CRAP OUR PANTS we are born with SubG-Spots. It is a

question of maintenance.

 

Some of you, I can tell, are thinking that this SubG-Spot is going to

give you BETTER, MORE SOPHISTICATED SEXhurt. Or that THIS IS THE KEY THAT

WILL UNLOCK YOUR ORGASM PROBLEM. Or perhaps, MAKE YOU A BETTER ORGASM-DONOR.

This simply isn't true. You've already had the best sex you will ever get.

If you are looking for a MIRACLE then put this down and find that

GYNECOLOGICAL TRAVESTY you think you need.

 

Now, you are probably thinking that I WILL NEVER ACTUALLY TELL YOU

where your SubG-Spot is, or that this has got to be some kind of joke. FUCK

YOU!

 

I will tell you for the last time that I AM NOT KIDDING; you have a

SubG-Spot and you will know what it's for in just a short while.

 

Your SubG-Spot is a Slack-sensitive patch of tissue covering the

triangular-shaped coccyx bone at the base of your spine: WHERE YOUR TAIL

USED TO BE! Place your hand behind your back along the knobbed ridge of your

backbone. Slowly, so as not to OVERSHOOT your SubG-Spot, run your fingertips

downwards until you run out of bone.

 

At this point, your fingertips should be somewhere above your anus

and below where your coccyx attaches to your backbone. Press into your

fleshy coverage with your index finger. You should just be able to FEEL the

TIP OF THE TRIANGLE -- the downward-pointing apex of your coccyx. PRESS IT

HARD. This, my friend, is the proverbial Slack Antenna itself, that WHOLLY

MYSTERIOUS ANATOMIC ANOMALY that is likely to change your life and the lives

of those whose lives change easily: THE SUBG-SPOT.

 

Locating the Spot itself, though easier and more straight-forward

than locating CONSPIRACY SPOTS that have you PUMMELING YOUR ORIFICES TILL

YOU DIE, is rather useless *unless* you're acquainted with the

Dobbs-approved procedure for MANIFESTING ITS DEVINE PURPOSE.

 

I would like to take this opportunity to WARN THOSE who feel as I

don't, that ancestral tail of ours -- the coccyx -- is a vestigal calcitic

stalactite riding our butts on borrowed time. THERE IS A PURPOSE to this

skeletal contruct! It is not an ANAL UVULA! It is a TEMPLE! And its one and

only shrine is the SPOT KNOWN ONLY TO TRUE SUBGENII and monkeys.

 

Keeping your fingers pressed on your Spot, or someone else's, apply

enough gradual pressure so it becomes MINIMALLY COMFORTABLE. The sensation

you feel is a revitalization of the SubG-Spot's pre-metamorphic systalic

energy. If you feel nothing, your SubG-Spot has been atrophied. Wiped out,

so to speak.

 

Now, maintaining the pressure, close your eyes and concentrate on

TUNING IN nearby Slack emissions. If all you get is STATIC, try rotating

your body. Once you have pinned down what you consider a STEADY STREAM OF

SLACKWAVE, release your SubG-Spot by drawing your hand away from your back,

perpendicular to your spine.

 

What you feel now is the PHANTOM TAIL emerging from your Spot, the

TRUE COCCYX that JHVH-1 SMOTE FROM OUR BODIES! FREE YOUR HANDS AND RUN

RAMPANT! PRAISE "BOB" FOR THE TAIL HE HATH RESTORED AT LONG LAST! *WAG YOUR

DAMN COCCYX!!!*

 

 

 

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