Subject: Justice is Sweet
From: !!!email@example.com (TarlaStar)
Date: Fri, 22 May 1998 00:47:56 GMT
Tonight TBG and I went to our DDDT class. I thoughtfully brought along
my nice little sheet of paper certifying my cleanliness tucked into a
copy of Consumer Reports. We waited patiently until someone asked for
the results of the UA's. Ralph said, "Everyone is clean except Tarla
who shows a 92."
I smiled the smile of a crocodile who is just about to eat a 30 pound
bass, "No, I don't think so, Ralph. I took an observed test at an
independant State Certified Lab twelve hours after this one, and came
back clean.Thirty ppm."
Rick and Brenda just grinned at me from across the room.
Then I whipped out my little sheet of paper and passed it over to
Steve. It was a beautiful moment, Yetikin. Ralph was totally taken
aback. I doubt that anyone has ever bothered to take an independant
Then TBG and I pointed out how consistant the drop was in their lab's
numbers, from 126 to 117 to 105, to 92, basically 9, 12, 15 pts. Then
we asked him just exactly HOW I was supposedly able to control such a
He protested that he'd never seen anyone's results turn out like mine.
He said that the lab was reliable. TBG said, "Obviously it's NOT. The
test Tarla took at the independant lab was consistant with what she's
said in here all along. YOUR lab seems to show the most mathmatically
consistant drop one can imagine. I think their numbers are highly
Ralph gave us a line of crap saying that they tested everything twice,
did a gas chromo and that he'd spoken to the toxicologist who assured
him that they did a special test just because I said that I didn't
drink much water. I think he's a liar. I doubt that he spoke to
Then TBG asked if he had sent any of the results to the DA's office as
he said he would at the beginning. He replied that he hadn't (we
figure that was just another scare tactic.) He said he would include
our test results in the paperwork sent in at the end (we made copies
just in case). I suggested that anyone who draws a marble in the class
take the time and get an independant test. I said, "You called me a
liar in front of this group. You attempted to make them distrust my
word. I have proven that my word is good."
He was pretty shaken by the whole scene. As a result we ended up doing
nothing but bullshitting and talking about anything but drugs for the
rest of the two hours. Outside on the smoke break, I was heartily
congratulated by the group. Now they suspect Ralph. His little plan
backfired with a vengence.
TBG drew a black marble tonight. He'll be taking an independant test
first thing tomorrow morning, just to keep them honest.
Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually
Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.
Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.