Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Justice is Sweet

From: !!! (TarlaStar)

Date: Fri, 22 May 1998 00:47:56 GMT


Well kids,

Tonight TBG and I went to our DDDT class. I thoughtfully brought along

my nice little sheet of paper certifying my cleanliness tucked into a

copy of Consumer Reports. We waited patiently until someone asked for

the results of the UA's. Ralph said, "Everyone is clean except Tarla

who shows a 92."


I smiled the smile of a crocodile who is just about to eat a 30 pound

bass, "No, I don't think so, Ralph. I took an observed test at an

independant State Certified Lab twelve hours after this one, and came

back clean.Thirty ppm."


Rick and Brenda just grinned at me from across the room.


Then I whipped out my little sheet of paper and passed it over to

Steve. It was a beautiful moment, Yetikin. Ralph was totally taken

aback. I doubt that anyone has ever bothered to take an independant

test before.


Then TBG and I pointed out how consistant the drop was in their lab's

numbers, from 126 to 117 to 105, to 92, basically 9, 12, 15 pts. Then

we asked him just exactly HOW I was supposedly able to control such a



He protested that he'd never seen anyone's results turn out like mine.

He said that the lab was reliable. TBG said, "Obviously it's NOT. The

test Tarla took at the independant lab was consistant with what she's

said in here all along. YOUR lab seems to show the most mathmatically

consistant drop one can imagine. I think their numbers are highly



Ralph gave us a line of crap saying that they tested everything twice,

did a gas chromo and that he'd spoken to the toxicologist who assured

him that they did a special test just because I said that I didn't

drink much water. I think he's a liar. I doubt that he spoke to



Then TBG asked if he had sent any of the results to the DA's office as

he said he would at the beginning. He replied that he hadn't (we

figure that was just another scare tactic.) He said he would include

our test results in the paperwork sent in at the end (we made copies

just in case). I suggested that anyone who draws a marble in the class

take the time and get an independant test. I said, "You called me a

liar in front of this group. You attempted to make them distrust my

word. I have proven that my word is good."


He was pretty shaken by the whole scene. As a result we ended up doing

nothing but bullshitting and talking about anything but drugs for the

rest of the two hours. Outside on the smoke break, I was heartily

congratulated by the group. Now they suspect Ralph. His little plan

backfired with a vengence.


TBG drew a black marble tonight. He'll be taking an independant test

first thing tomorrow morning, just to keep them honest.


Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually

Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.

Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.