Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: teflon cell phones

From: dallastexas@boredomsdoor.com

Date: Mon, 26 Jan 1998 04:54:58 GMT

 

On Sun, 25 Jan 1998 16:22:36 GMT, snorts@erratix..com (snorts) wrote:

::-nothing to say. saying it anyway. was a nice and and sharp enough morning, and the

::-obligatory pre-dawn fubbling with the computer was ruined only a little by the chomping

::-and chewing of the rat now residing in the office wall. A rat that hopefully is soon to be

::-starring AND have a bit (or bits) part in a home-made Snafuder (or maybe snuffuder) film.

::-Remains to be seen if he will oblige me by being seen in front of a safe backstop/bullet

::-stop and be deconstructed by remaining a slow or stationary thing in front of a very fast

::-one.

::-

::-Wasn't much going on in the yard. Coons had been in the garbage again. Or in the house,

::-where TV buffoons have never left it. Box squalked away the whole of the night with only a

::-few salami-swarming kitchen ants for an audience, undoubtedly playing the same tapes every

::-five minutes or so (as it was when I joined the ants) of our disgraced Boss Mushboy Bill

::-Clithound squozing and getting googly eyes from the trollop sperm-tanker he is accused of

::-off-loading into and egging (aiging?) into lying her well-chafed ass off in a Coot of Law,

::-and another of him hemming and hawing and lying HIS fat duff off to the talking head that

::-got to him first after this tailgate or fornigate or wienergate news-wind broke a few days

::-ago, followed by another head who told me and the ants what Boss Mush just said for the

::-two thousandth time. At least a good commercial came on. A knob-nosed fellow stumping for

::-a chain of legal Loan Sharks (like the Money Sack or something) allowed at the top of his

::-lungs that he was "rolling up his sleeves to say YES during our January Yes-A-Thon."

::-Really. You can't make shit like that up. Well, at least I can't. But that's why I don't

::-have a big shit job on Madison avenue at J.Wacks and Willie or something and a buncha wop

::-suits and teflon cell phone that will fit in my nose. More's the pity.

::-

::-Much as I enjoyed all that, I shut the TV off and hoofed it back to the back of the place

::-to look for mushrat (yeah, I know, I like mush better) and deer tracks around the creek.

::-Found some deer tracks, said "big deal" out loud to myself, and sorta began to doubt there

::-was much potential amusement in engaging in had seemed like a such a good idea a mere few

::-minutes ago. Then I decided to try to dig a big truck tire out of the bank that washed

::-down during recent heavy rains, probably chucked in from upstream landowner that loves the

::-look of a creek decorated with tires (as many do around here). It was buried pretty good

::-and the mud was too cold and hard to dig out with my bare hands, so I decided to come back

::-later and yank it out with the tractor. I settled instead for policing up some styrocooler

::-debris, cardboard and yoo-hoo bottles. Very hard to keep a creek clean. The folks around

::-here aren't very bright, but they have figured out that the problem with throwing your

::-garbage on dry land is that it just stays there. Well, they aren't going anywhere either,

::-unfortunately. I keep hoping one of them will fall shitfaced into raging floodwaters

::-sometime when they are out there chucking beer cans and tires and shredded snotrags into

::-what used to be a quite picturesque watercourse. It would be nice to find a stiff in the

::-creek once in a while, (all boated up and wearing a tire like a life belt. that'd be boss)

::-and there really isn't anything very interesting to be found in there, unless you a call a

::-few little hornyheads (fish that look just like dinky circumsized dicks), crawdads,

::-minnows, mushrats and assorted and ever-changing half-buried garbage interesting. I don't,

::-myself. The crawdads would be okay to eat, and if you added enough red pepper they could

::-be interesting, but they are really tiny, the mushrats taste bad, and I would never eat

::-any fish that looked like a dick. Locals that are fucked up enough to have tried them say

::-they taste lousy, anyway.

::-

::-It is sorta fun to watch the mushrats swim, but that gets old pretty quick and they are

::-never in the water for long, and it isn't much fun to watch them waddle up the bank and

::-disappear into the creepers, and usually, rather than wait around for them to come out at

::-all I just head back up to the house with my load of trash, like I did this time, maybe

::-wishing I had some otters in there so I could get bored with watching THEM swim, too,

::-throw the trash in the dumpster and go back to this GODDAM computer and write CRAP like

::-this that I CAN'T believe anyone would read the whole way through. But you did. Ack

::-

::-Maybe you WOULD get a kick out of a looking at mushrats. Who knows? Who cares? I got

::-enough headaches without wondering about that.

 

Would you mind if i come up and play in that creek for a few days or weeks. It

sounds just like what i need. There aint no creeks around here - least not

none I can legally git into and I have this old thing bugging me again, I need

something to do and maybe digging tyres out of the frozen mud would turn the

trick.

 

ps. those tires can be turned into planters - they still look like tires but

with flowers and shit sticking out of 'em kind of a trailer park look if you

know what I mean. Anyway I didn't think this was all that boring I sort of

didn't get the part about the teflon phone but what the fuck I don't git a lot

of shit ppl say anyway it's like there's a sekrit code or some linguistic

twisting going on betwixt their modem and mine but I don't care about all that I

get plenty of slack plus today we had chicken n dumplings to go with the

superpoke in the nose I don't care if Dallas ever goes to another

supercommercialbowl this was a good one and its just too fucking bad the

cheezers lost cause ELWAY gots his RING and if that gives the poor fucking slob

something to whack his pecker on or in fine for him all I can say is too bad I

don't have a superring its tough I don't have a ring atall I did have one once

but I traded it too a very nice young enterprising lady in Korea one night for a

few minutes of NICE CLEAN FUN - AmeriKan style I still wonder if she ever

figgered out what rossville high skool meant, or why the number 69 was on it her

daddy was mostly interested in the markings on the inside all it said was 14k

but it weighed about a pound. I think I regret that particular transaction

since it cost me $30 american (in 1968 ring $) and that seems kind of high if

you consider that fellow in the movies that got caught looking for a blowjob was

only paying $50 and accounting for inglation he was either getting a heck of a

bargain or I was badly ripped off. Its one thing that these movie stars git all

the nooky - getting it cheaper than us poor bastards who aint in the flix is

starting to piss me off. I don't care that its been over twenty years the more

I think about it the madder I git I just might go and get the stone out of that

damn ring or maybe some more of that NICE CLEAN FUN.

 

Maybe you don't think this was worth all the trouble but since you've read it,

what do you think? AmeriKan style - or something a little more exotic?

 

RiM