Subject: Re: Give me the gas, please.

Date: Sun, 16 Nov 1997 15:01:34 GMT

From: Harfs@nowheres.com (Harfs Ynuder)

Reply-To: The Sheetrocker's Apprentice

Organization: Wax Moose Teeth

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1

 

voyde@mindspring.com (Nolan Voyde) wrote:

>Gas me, goddammit! Zyklon B, cyanide, mustard,

 

ketchup and horsey sauce is what give ya GAS, goddam it, enough to

send the midget in line behind ya at the supermarket wretch-running

for the thundermug and yelling, "allright, ya got me, but

 

>what fuckin' difference does it make after it's over?! What does it matter how I

>die after I'm dead? Fuck it!

 

"despite all that, even though I don't even notice when I've been

short-sheeted, I'm not keen on being farted to death. Would look

poorly on me headstone. And even if i was only kiddin, I'd look pretty

silly if I started begging for it by yelling:

 

>Doesn't anybody in this world hate me

>enough to KILL me?!?! GIVE ME THE FUCKIN' GAS, ASSHOLE!

>RIGHT NOW!!!!

 

but two fresh young liberal type guys in inside out Hillfigger jackets

and pants about seventy sizes too big might not know he was only

kiddin and pop a half a hundred caps into him since they hadn't eaten

at Hardee's recently and didn't have the gas to actually ass-fixiate

on him. "Dumb Schmo," one of them might say, as he tries to put his

Glock back in his waistband and shoots his own dick off (and goes

OOOOOWWWWWW, like James Brown) and makes his pants fall down, which

might prompt him to start a rant of his own:

 

>I give up. All the fucking shithole Nazis and racists

>and fascists and totalitarians who call themselves communists and

>militia shit-asses and half-assed SubGeniuses and badge-totin' pigs

 

that made me so fucking ANGRY I have no choice but to do a shitload of

drugs and wear these goddam ridiculous clothes and walk around looking

snotty and walking silly and carrying a fine fat heater everywhere I

go,

 

>and corrupt bureaucrats and nit-wit nit-pickers and pickup-driving

 

rude people that knock you off yer roller blades and get greased for

the effort and people that get all uppity and put down eighth-wits

like me just because they

 

>half-wits with guns in the window rack

 

that, unlike us, they ain't got the balls to use on people over minor

irritations or on

 

>yuppie career-losers, just

>GAS me, like you all want to do with all your fucked up cruddy black

>hearts and souls that you wear on the soles of your pig-shit-caked

>boots, FUCK it, already!

 

"You ain't makin'much sense," his friend might say as HIS pants fall

down, "but I'll be happy to shoots you, too." So he do.

 

>People like Wrongthink

 

Because he dresses real snazzy and drives a car so low that it looks

like a boat coming down the road, and has a pink bumper sticker that

says:

 

>"Oh, I'm such a

>reasonable asshole, won't you join us?".

 

And he likes to pull into one of the few remaining full-service gas

stations and talk his own brand of hipspeak to the attendant, saying

stuff like:

 

>Yeah, slide your

>"reasonable", oily shit right by me until you get control and then GAS

>me! DO IT, NOW!!! Right, man, I'm a fucking "liberal", so GAS me!!!

 

"Tank me up dude, hiply and PC and quick like, change the fumes in the

shocks and grease the wiggly bears while you are under there! The

petrol fill-pipe is in my hat, Whut the fuck you think of that, you

acne-generation lackey of petro-corporate fascist nogoodnicks and

futureless pumping jockey in greasy blue?!!... HOO hah." But then the

attendant might sometime surprise him with a blast of high-minded

horsehit of his own:

 

>All the LIES I've had to educate myself to detect. All the children

>who'll grow up never knowing the truth, all of them who will starve

>and be brutalized in Indian sweatshops so Americans can have snazzy

>carpets, all the Neanderthal hate-mongers who will use any tool

 

in the shop and not bother to put it back where it belongs and drive

me nutso when I go to try try to replace the goddam timing belt on a

piece-of-shit Escort charcoal-burner with a length of garden hose

and the Cro-Magnon boss that yells at me to stop taking little

seperately packaged Cheese n' Cracker and Yoo Hoo breaks saying "Get

yer lazy ass back to work

 

>and never stop, relentlessly making money.

 

and they play that goddam Europissatus caveman music on the radio that

makes me holler:

 

>"Fuck you, Kathy Lee Crosby!!!

 

I hated the way your old Man Butchered that Troggs song and did dumb

variety shows till his Heartstrings Went BING and you took over and

sang them obnoxious Circus Cruise Line Commericals with the potbellied

little faggot running around and then split yourself into two people

and one hosted a stupid show about DANGER SEEKERS featuring people

that tried to kill themselves by bungee-jumping into wet dishrags and

the other married a dumb ex-jock that porks everything that squats to

whiz and then you had the audacity to give overseas mud-people jobs

that didn't pay worth a shit but arguably gave then a better lifestyle

than they had when they were digging through manure heaps and living

under hubcaps and all the while hosting ANOTHER shitty show with a

lifelong drip named Phenis Philbert or something you dumb TWATS you

both are OOOGY and make me pukish."

 

"What the fuck are you talking about?," Wrong might ask politely. "I

think you may be full of beans. Perhaps you should see a shrink. He'll

GIVE YA DRUGS."

 

"FUCK THAT," he said "They're as bad as

 

>All the millionaires who get away with dealing crack, molesting

>children, committing murder of the soul. CIA heroin smugglers, cut

>open another baby and stuff it with junk, MAKE SOME MORE MONEY ON

>ANOTHER DEAL, FUCKFACE BASTARDS. Overbreeding monkeys fouling

>the water supply into a dioxin/asbestos/plutonium mudhole. No more

>wild tigers, no more room to breathe, it's such a goddamn

>monkey-filled world of PURE FUCKIN' JOY, ACE!!!! SMELL THE NAPALM AND

>THINK OF....VICTORY!!!!

 

"I have to smell gas all the time. I hate the smell of gas in the

morning.... smells like gas." Then he might pump some all over

himself, sit down cross-legged and mutter something, light a match and

immolate himself in a pointless political protest, at least that's

what Wrongthinkmightthink, so he might pump his own gas, and attempt

to eulogize the smoking corpse by saying:

 

>Struggle on, you wage-earning family men,

>then lie down in your grave and be FORGOTTEN!!!

 

or smolder on the curb and smell really ROTTEN. Like roast PORK

 

>Cheops left a

>plundered pyramid that looks like a lumpy heap of rocks, think you can

>do any better? What was the point of EXISTING? So you could change

>the world? Make it better for some confused, scared, hungry kid? So

>you could nourish yourself enough to get through another day by

>feeding on the pain and sorrow of others whom you've never personally

>met? Is THAT why we're all dragging our tired, ever-aging asses

>across this Pink befouled mudball? I thought I could make a

>DIFFERENCE!! I thought I could HELP!!! I thought I was a

>COMPASSIONATE guy! Ha!!! What I've learned about my fellow mud-men

>(that means ALL of us) has only filled me with a bile-soaked HATE that

>can never die until I do.

 

The best thing to do is DRIVE, and never worry about where you are

going, because we all end up the in same place eventually, so listen

to your car when it HOLLERS

 

> GAS ME! In a thousand years from now, will

>it MATTER??? GAS ME, FUCKER!!!! Congratulate yourself on your

>victory over me because I gave up and gave myself up to the likes of

>you Pink monkeys, and then feel CANCER eat your guts until you share

>my mass grave, both of us smiling the rictus of death at our mutual

>victory over LIFE, ITSELF!!!

>The pain and misery and sorrow and the

>tragedy of existence have poisoned me until I, too, have become

>consumed with HATE!!! All-encompassing HATE that burns at my guts

>until it swallows me up and I become the enemy!!! I MUST DIE TO SAVE

>THE WORLD, AND SO MUST YOU!"

 

"Well, maybe that's enough listening to the car there, it's turned

into a sorta obnoxious PREACHYmobile. Listen to an RV instead. They

usually not so uppity." It might be right, though. Cars have to die

so's we can live, Greenhorse Effect and no-zone in out-zone and all.

But its still kinda BORING. Dunno where it got all of that, though.

The radio in this thing only picks up Rash Yumbo and G.Gorton's Liver,

and they NEVER say dumb stuff like:

 

>Kill me, and then die. Take up a cause,

>fight and kill and die for it!!! Future generations will laugh at

>you, if THEY NOTICE YOU, AT ALL!!! MADNESS!!!! GAS ME!!! Spare me

>from false teeth and Alzheimer's. KILL ME!!! It's all I'm good for.

 

If they did, funny boys in white suits would lure them into the back

of a rent-a-truck with yogurt covered raisins and haul them off for

re-programming (the false teeth remark would get them rolling for

sure) and congressmen would have to fill in for them and do snapple

ads and people would switch over to Dr. Whora en-masse and hear

piss-headed crybabies whine to the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD only wishing

they could keep from getting seven-second delayed into oblivion when

they finally lost it completely and piped up with crap like:

 

>I don't have to fight and kill, everyone I hate will be dead in a

>hundred years, anyway!!! Teen-age Halloween pranksters will kick over

>our tombstones, and then who'll remember us, huh? Millions have gone

>this way without even a kicked-over rock with their name scratched on

>it for a memorial!! Think you're special, asshole??? Alexander the

>Great is DEAD!!! Napolean is DEAD!!! Ghandi is DEAD!!! John Lennon

>is DEAD!!!

 

The BANANA SPLITS are off the air and Curt COWBRAIN gave himself a

birdshot facelift, and I hear KING FUCKING BISCUIT BOY broke UP! MY

ex-wife is screwing the dishwasher at RED LOBSTER, and STILL wants

custody of our daughter, just because I used to like to drag my DICK

through her hair once in a while!!! Life ain't fuckin fair, and they

never told ME it WEREN'T FAIR IN SCHOOL and that ain't fucking FAIR!!!

 

 

>And still, the struggle for dominance, the struggle for

>self-importance, the struggle for FOOD goes on without us, carried on

>by people who will all be DEAD!!! Kill a commie/fag/jew/nazi/hindu/

>muslim/"Bob"/nigger/cop/Kennedy to advance your CAUSE, your precious,

>bleeding, all-important CAUSE, and then suck down that filthy air and

>DIE! Oh, I thought I could HELP, I wanted to make things better, my

>heart bled for the unfortunate, the starving, the wrongfully

>imprisoned, the young who have a chance to do better than we did, but

>instead all I learned and all I am is HATE! A warm piece of animated

>meat

 

that never did nor ever will warrant even a decent rubble heap, like

them ancient Egyptian sand nigger bosses did. No snootless sphinxers

or pyromids or getting our brains pulled out through our nozzles and

our guts put in jars like them boys. WAH. But at least nobody will be

playing with our stiffs and giggling at our dime-sized dessicated

dicks five thousand years FROM NOW and be sneering at the remains of a

once-great culture that never had the sense to have

 

>learned the hard way that HATE is what this world is all

>about,

 

and built a bunch of fortresses and invented gunpowder instead of

fucking around making gold fright masks and pissing away all their

slave labor building big rock illuminati symbols and getting overrun

by the PinkPiankhis then sacked and bagged by Alexander the Really

Cool who was soon to SIT DOWN AND BLUBBER and say:

 

>and now that I've faced myself in the thousand-faceted mirror

>of TRUTH, I know that it's all HATE, and that HATE has become me,

 

I got no more worlds to conquer, no more killing sprees, no more

fuckin' knots to cut. I done met the enemy and

 

>it IS me!!! Ha ha ha ha! Don't say,

 

"I hate you cause you have silicone lips and use a better brand of

Mousse than me," say I hate you cause you're nutso violent and kicked

lotta ass while I don't even have the balls to sass a clerk at the DMW

or shoot the crazy burrowing owl that's holed up in my Apple tree!

 

>"That's just YOUR case, Nolan,

>we're better than you". LIES! Face it, EVERYBODY HATES SOMEBODY, and

>we ALL need to get the fuck off this planet and leave it to the dumb

>animals who know how to live on it without the sadism, wastefulness

>and RANCOR we ALL bring to it.

 

and the wolves and the lions and such can quit running down other

critters and ripping their guts out and chowing down on them while

they still kicking and yowling and get together and grow brown rice

and green peas and at dinnertime they could all sit down together and

yell " YUCK YUCK GROSS UGH...I wish those nasty humans would come back

so we could go back to acting BAD cause this peaceful SHIT REALLY

SUCKS!!!...

 

>GAS ME!!! And when you're done, step

>into the "delousing chamber" and do for yourself, too! The rats and

>cockroaches that inherit this doomed rock won't care how it came about

>that we all disappeared, they won't even care that it happened, at

>all!! They'll just go about their business of survival,

 

and at least we won't have to EAT THIS CRAP ANYMORE. SHIT I WISH I"D

BEEN EXTINCTED around the time they BUILT THE SPHINKTEDS. I wish I'd

been born a critter that was meant to be eated instead of one that was

supposed to do THE EATIN' cause they can go about their grass-gobblin

 

 

>and NOT GIVE

>A FLYING FUCK THAT THERE EVER WERE PEOPLE HERE!!!

 

 

 

I used to like Koogle. The chocolate stuff. Whatever happened to

flavored peanut butter? I thought it was a damn good idea.

 

Harfs