ARTICLES of TRUTH XIV


End Times Spewage, Ranting, Panting, Bragging and Pondering that will MAKE you think

Is this a GREAT RELIGION or WHAT?!?


There is even a HANDY SUMMARY of the whole collection, so you don't actually have to bother with opening each page. Just like the Cliff Notes™ you used in school so you didn't have to waste time learning what your idiot teachers thought you needed to know, and could waste more time on stuff that OTHER IDIOTS got you to think was "cool."

Or read about the BLOOD ATTACK that led to the rushed creation of this very page.

Or skip right to THE GOOD STUFF.


'By their pstench shall ye know them'





TESTIFICATION of the GODS
Our crutch is designed to get you out of that wheelchair
I am NOT a pervert
We are selling this planet to aliens
What would their pathetic lives be worth
In this ideal world, hats would fit
And of course, I accidentally shoveled snow onto her head
Seventy miles per into the brick wall of mirth
Holly Branagan
Distended bloodvessels in temples
And I born kissing August
PUTTY ALL YOUR HOLES SHUT
Dancing around on the street because we've found a half-eaten candy bar
Finals were invented by a Rogue
Subscriptions to magazines that don't exist
Freely-functioning system of intercoursing drivel
MR. WIZARD tried to tell him what real magic is
This Church was built on hypocrisy
Brutalizing the servants
It's tired crap written by unimaginative jerks
We're all INSTINCTUAL racists
Sometimes winning means refusing to give a shit and getting fired
A little bit of pain can be useful
If you can't make it here, don't even DREAM about Dobbstown
"Bob" will keep you from being successful
Stems and seeds and paranoia twaaang
Amish drug crimes
Bennett Cerf will haunt you
Oh the agony you'll suffer!
Yeah, me too
So can I just whisper "duh" instead?
VIRTUAL BIGAMY!!!
Bright pink butts
I decided it must be my magazine
I am a really good person
Portland's finest
It's not supposed to be a mystery
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
Go ahead and stuff that turkey
Make your brain-pan shrink
STROKE your SICK FUCK MADNESS
Get NACH-UR-ALL
During ze fifz year
The Po'bucker Subs, mostly unsaved
I fear simplicity
More important things to think about
She was stoned 15 of her 18 years
Bob rest ye hairy Yetinsyn
Great Tribulation
Awful behavior I did before I was even 20
A glistening green vein of h8red
The fewer people you care about, and the less you care about them
WHOLE LOT of really SMART-LOOKING STUFF
It is about time to find a standpoint
If you look to me then you'll be lighted!
For the record: I do NOT want to bring humans along as slaves
The Devival had been winding down great
I'm not the fuckin' messiah, people
Startling contrast
The uncertainty and fear of real sexhurt
The mate was a small grey alien
Religion has been around for a long time
The Egg-and Ham-ulator
Dear Vacuity
Looks like Salvation is being offered as a LOSS-LEADER
Rates of descent
ANATHEMA EMERITUS
Where no home is made for the empty
They strum a jottle
Huge camel
There was a hole in the center
The militia movement in America is poetic justice
I don't find men interesting
How many year's subscriptions of insecurity could you sell
That was JESUS'S responsibility
Every snowflake was exactly alike
Picture the money flowing into your nostrils and into your lungs
Data come forth!
Lemme listen to your databus
I save lives every day, and I'm in love
If you want my faith, you better fucking show me a miracle
oh boy, nuclear winter
THE WOOL WAS PRODUCED BY CHINESE SLAVE LABOR
I didn't hit her...
Ludicrousness of parts of the Church
1st-Grader Busted for Lemon Drops
I don't care!
ANGRY indignant Christian act
So what makes Subgenii happy?
Love
I just hate to see "love" cheapened this way
Getting taken and KNOWING you got taken
False Hate
On a precept well spoken
An old rogue elephant
Some rubber nuts
Some of my BEST FUCKS
Just the same, as long as there is a core of genuine feeling
Fairy tale romances are a RILLY EFFECTIVE survival hoax
There's just something completely wrong with rats
Face facts
Wigs for South American peasant girls
We ARE part of the Conspiracy
Hatred will be there for you
Welcome to Managed Friendship
SPAZZ!
The Cow Solution to The Chair problem
Tipped and shattered
Chicks liking chick stuff
The big vortex
Houseful of drunks with guns and pianos
Baby monitor
If bad judgement were truly illegal
THEY COULD KNEED THIS
Omletting you off easy
Out-mathed by a depressed resale retard
He done caught a pigeon or two
These are the unpredictable people
A diorama of Vlad Teppes' visit to McDonaldland
ASSURED of getting something
Who would you rather believe
To this day
Maybe it is better not to exist
I need at least 38 acres
1972 tablet LSD pink tablet
Slack examined is Slack lost
If you stuff a turkey right
A congregation way station
Please let this not be
Actually offering up a prayer to you, dumb ass
Maybe combat experience is different
You know those chicks you sleep with?
These fuckers put the ass in class
"How much time do we have before I give the Pope a blowjob?"
I'm a part of something much bigger
"Curiously Strong, my ass!"
In an effort to get organized
I'm going to start photosynthesizing
POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS AGAIN
Totally reliant on SatInt
It makes my brainwaves go all pitter patter
I'm THE ONLY CRAZY ONE LEFT
I'm ASHAMED to know this many things
If a bunch of indians moved into your house
What humans will want to share their genes
HE could fly
Pinkness is as Pinkness DOESN'T
Slack Dobbster!
She came from Planet Bear
Its outer muscles fly backwards off its bones
Exploiting the hell out of the human race
Some see the vessel as half full
An ill-dignified prarie squid
I rode with "Bob", smoked an old corncob
Somewhere, for some reason, someone wants you to be miserable
You might feel better about your job if you did this ONE THING
Way back in '81, I gave up
It's GOT to be better than phlegm painting
SimCopter
MY CAR IS ORDAINED!
Landgrabber's Dog's Head
What good is toiling away day after day if there's no Slack?
The bandwidth of reality is wonderfully wide
Touched by God
My damp and disheveled offerings
Read as much as you need
You are wrong, dola-ki-mo-loki-hana-po
Samoan race-baiting
There's a Salesman who's sure
REGISTERED TRADEMARK
Eternal Slack and plenty of sex
Another round in the chamber for an Ivangelical on X-Day
SCHIZ TILL YA JIZZ
Bleed in one great technicolor unison
The love life of a subgenius
empathy is a thricedammed lie
Slack is not just getting your dick sucked
The Slack was tangible
I would be lying
The OMNIVERSE is your OYSTER
A Bird of Paradise among penguins
When the Church is found without Slack
Space aliens may eat french fries
Thy porcine pink doth taste of MSG
She even stops DROOLING when I put it on
Remind 'em who's in charge
Glue, tape--tentacles go right back on
At 13 I was brutally raped by a Palestinian
Take six apples
Lock and Load
I never SERIOUSLY THOUGHT that we'd crucify and burn people
Ugliness is a PINK standard
At least they SAID it was a drug sniffing dog
One thing that SubGenii CAN'T take onto the saucers
BIG TALK from HUMAN OMELETS
Achieving the MOST NORMAL NORMALITY POSSIBLE
Spaced out to the final frontier
Not only this nonsense, but ALL nonsense
You tried so hard
God is NOT mocked
Joliet
It is not an ANAL UVULA
The Church of the SubGenius is now The Church of the Inside Joke
SNACK OF THEIR RELATIVES AND FRIENDS
Time for a Sun Ra sermon
My only birthday party
We are the antennae of the planet
It was a beautiful moment, Yetikin
Teflon cell phone
Pornography put out by THE DISNEY COMPANY
Panty remover
I was Superwoman!
I wrote down the points
And as the universe began, so do we all
Suit, theft, inheritance, or insurance
Full length strapless plausible deniability gown
Kill "Bob" before he kills you
She really has leukemia, but what the fuck
No kids with guns AND no Bob
OR JUST FUCKING RESURECT ME!!!!
Go ahead. Get trained to laugh at sincerity
Sovereign rights my foot
All the LIES I've had to educate myself to detect
2 TBSP *each*
Perma wed
Torquemada would have SOLD HIS SOUL
Well, it's July 5th
National Parks and Battlefields
Murrah Federal Building
As a man thinks...is how a man is
JUSTICE GREEN IS MADE OF PEOPLE
Mind control techniques
An advertisement for White Castle Hamburgers
No matter that the artwork you savor is not your own
A little tin pin and a fake diploma
I've always seen [the affairs] as morally wrong
Duel with their sharp-tipped penises
Full runcification
Hey, Mr. Slackman
How about we just send you to Georgia?
I hate you because you have silicone lips
Snow

Still want to read more?


Onward to ARTICLES Part 15
Onward to ARTICLES Part 16
Onward to ARTICLES Part 17
Back to ARTICLES Part 13
Back to ARTICLES Part 12
Back to ARTICLES Part 11
Back to ARTICLES Part 10
Back to ARTICLES Part 9
Back to ARTICLES Part 2
Back to ARTICLES Part 1
Back to www.subgenius.com homepage
Read about the amazing Cane of Arnold Palmer at www.subsite.com


For all SubGenius insiders: this collection was compiled from Sacred Documents™ in the declassified NormK section by Sister Pammy of the Soil. To access the originals, the complete threads, or associated documents not included here, go to subgenius.com homepage, then click on the Stark Fist of Removal, then You Can't Go Here, do the passwords and verification, enter and go forward along The Main Road, ignore all the Fishbones until you get to the FIRST time that you have to decide "Right or Left?", go LEFT, continue until you get to the 140 Fishbone, it will be to the right--take it, then File Stack 27, column 252, drawers 23-72. We also need volunteers to do document clearance, and someone to coordinate stripping headers and compiling.