Subject: SERMON: What is Pink
From: His Most Feathered Eminence <pacbell.net>
Date: 04 Nov 1997
What is Pink? A Sermon.
The seasons change. Unnatural urges build in some bobbie or
troll, and again, we see the hoary question: "What is Pink?"
It's idiotic, but it's a question that burns in the brainstem
of many a SubGenius new to the Church, along with many other
"Who is Pink? Who is a true SubGenius?"
"How can I tell the difference?"
"How can I avoid looking Pink in front of my friends?"
"What are we supposed to do about the Pink Peril?"
"Do I really have to kill the Pinks? Won't I go to jail?"
And when the questions are asked, the false answers are sure
to follow. Deliberately fraudulent answers. Sadly mistaken
answers. The unconsiously Pink (and unintentionally hilarious)
answers of the bobbies. One unending stream of bullshit from
the mouths and fingers of those who should know better -- or
What *IS* Pink? How can we slay this questing beast and put
the question to rest once and for all?
I'll tell you what Pink ISN'T. It isn't what you think. It
isn't a color. It isn't some racist slur against anglo-saxons
or irish or jews or slavs or some other light-skinned group.
It has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE WAY PEOPLE LOOK.
Pinkness isn't a political movement. There is no National Pink
Party. The phrase "pinko" has nothing to do with Church
doctrine; we aren't hunting commies, even though commies are
Pink. They aren't the ONLY ones.
It isn't some art thing, either. There's no such thing as a
Pink book, a Pink song, a Pink movie, no matter what some idiots
say. The letter "P" is not Pink, it's just a letter. G Major
chords are not Pink, it's just a sound.
And it sure as hell isn't "being uncool". Or even "being
trendy". Stupid as MTV may be, it is not a litmus test for
Pinkness. Only a bobbie would believe THAT.
Pinkness is not a *force*, it is not an energy. You can't
measure Pinkness with your Pinkometer. You can't distill
Pinkness or keep it in a bottle.
It most definitely is NOT an outgroup. The Pinks are the
*majority*, not the minority. WE are the outgroup, WE are the
brave warriors against smothering Pinkness.
So what is Pinkness? You stole the term from the Church of the
SubGenius, so why not try READING THE HOLY BOOKS and seeing what
the Church says.
What did Stang say about the Pinks? Among other things, he said
that Pinks are "AFRAID to risk looking DUMB to THE OTHERS"; he
also said that the bobbies are "the ones who THINK they know who's
PINK and who isn't by WHAT CHANNEL THEY WATCH or HOW OLD THEY ARE
or HOW THEY DRESS." Funny how no one crying "Pink!" is familiar
with this quote (from Stark Fist No. 43 Vol 17, page 120.)
What did "Bob" say? All the bobbies right now are saying "that
proves YOU are Pink! Everyone `hip' knows that `Bob' is just
a joke! He's not real!" ... And yet Chapter 20 of the Book of
teh SubGenius, written by "Bob", gives us clear answers:
Friend, "Normals" don't control <i> anything </i>.
<b> There are no "Normals!" </b> <i> NORMALCY
ITSELF, <i> the Sheep Factor, the Ball Cutter,
controls everything. Without trying! Without
<i> knowing! </i> [BotS, page 182]
We normally say "the Pinks are the Normals," yet here's "Bob"
saying there are no Normals. So who are the Pinks?
They are the people hypnotized by Normalcy. They are the
people who willingly enslave themselves to that Sheep Factor
"Bob" was talking about. THEY ARE SHEEPLE.
And the Con is the grim herdsman.
Pinkness is everywhere, yeti! It's IN YOUR GENES. Pinkness
is the herd instinct -- useful in its way, but as our brains
became too big for our britches, we've transformed that herd
instinct from the physical realm (clustering together for
protection) into the mental and social realms (thinking and
acting alike for ... no good reason at all, just habit.)
Everyone is Pink and SubGenius at the same time. The true
yeti genes are a mix of good ol' fashioned instincts untainted
by fears of abnormality plus the futuristic urges of our Big
Brains coming up with creative new solutions to the reality
problem. The Pink Herd Instinct, however, tries to stifle
these yeti instincts and urges, however, because it destroys
the illusion that we are no longer living in baboon troops
on the Serengeti.
Pinkness is that irrational need to suppress the unusual or
the different. It is that desire for a delusional feeling
of "tribe". It is the Con's favorite method of creative
crowd control: convince the herdlike masses to weed out the
troublemakers, the ones who aren't easy to control, and you
will be a rich man. You don't even need to worry about
a coup, because anyone contemplating rising to power wants
THE SAME THING, wants the illusion of tribes to create a
corresponding illusion of tribal control.
So what should we do? How do we avoid looking Pink in front
of others? WE DON'T. That desire is driven by Pinkness --
cast it out! What about bobbies; how do we avoid them? WE
DON'T. That, too, is a Pink desire -- cast it out! The
need to feel like part of a group, including the "hip", "cool"
group of people who "don't believe in groups," is all Pinkness.
Cast it out!
There's nothing wrong with being in a group. There's nothing
wrong with NOT being in a group. The obsession with belonging
or not belonging is what is truely wrong, it is PINK. Cast
it out! Cast it out before the Con starts telling you "groups
are WRONG, especially those groups OVER THERE. Look for that
uniform! Hit them with rocks! Here, PUT ON THIS UNIFORM, so
your buddies won't hit YOU with rocks, too."
If you think of Pinkness as being in your DNA, as being an
obsolete instinct causing more harm than good, then "Bob's"
instructions (kill the Pinks) makes perfect sense. Only a
bobbie thinks we're talking about murder. We're talking about
killing those URGES. Destroy them! Destroy them first in
YOURSELF, then destroy them in others! ONLY stoop to killing
IF you can't remove the urges at all!
Most of all, KILL "BOB", because he *wants* you to kill him,
instead of elevating him to new tribal chieftain. Just don't
let "killing `Bob'" become another badge of groupthink.
DON'T START NIGGLING OVER HOW TO KILL "BOB", or HOW OFTEN.
Don't start bitching at people who don't kill "Bob" to your
satisfaction, or who don't tickle your testes while doing so.
If you want "Bob" killed RIGHT, you have to DO IT YOURSELF.
Or just lead a safe Pink little life, only killing members
of the politically appropriate outgroups, while hiding
fearfully any of your actions that smack of OUTGROUP TAINT.
SELL OUT. You know you want to. Then you'll be JUST LIKE
Until you realize the true danger comes from selling out the
Truth in order to preserve the comfort of Conformity, you
will always be Pink, and you will never board the Saucers.
And the skies will be filled with my laughter.