Newsgroup: alt.slack

Subject: SERMON: What is Pink

From: His Most Feathered Eminence <>

Date: 04 Nov 1997


What is Pink? A Sermon.


The seasons change. Unnatural urges build in some bobbie or

troll, and again, we see the hoary question: "What is Pink?"

It's idiotic, but it's a question that burns in the brainstem

of many a SubGenius new to the Church, along with many other



"Who is Pink? Who is a true SubGenius?"

"How can I tell the difference?"

"How can I avoid looking Pink in front of my friends?"

"What are we supposed to do about the Pink Peril?"

"Do I really have to kill the Pinks? Won't I go to jail?"


And when the questions are asked, the false answers are sure

to follow. Deliberately fraudulent answers. Sadly mistaken

answers. The unconsiously Pink (and unintentionally hilarious)

answers of the bobbies. One unending stream of bullshit from

the mouths and fingers of those who should know better -- or

shut up.


What *IS* Pink? How can we slay this questing beast and put

the question to rest once and for all?


I'll tell you what Pink ISN'T. It isn't what you think. It

isn't a color. It isn't some racist slur against anglo-saxons

or irish or jews or slavs or some other light-skinned group.


Pinkness isn't a political movement. There is no National Pink

Party. The phrase "pinko" has nothing to do with Church

doctrine; we aren't hunting commies, even though commies are

Pink. They aren't the ONLY ones.


It isn't some art thing, either. There's no such thing as a

Pink book, a Pink song, a Pink movie, no matter what some idiots

say. The letter "P" is not Pink, it's just a letter. G Major

chords are not Pink, it's just a sound.


And it sure as hell isn't "being uncool". Or even "being

trendy". Stupid as MTV may be, it is not a litmus test for

Pinkness. Only a bobbie would believe THAT.


Pinkness is not a *force*, it is not an energy. You can't

measure Pinkness with your Pinkometer. You can't distill

Pinkness or keep it in a bottle.


It most definitely is NOT an outgroup. The Pinks are the

*majority*, not the minority. WE are the outgroup, WE are the

brave warriors against smothering Pinkness.


So what is Pinkness? You stole the term from the Church of the

SubGenius, so why not try READING THE HOLY BOOKS and seeing what

the Church says.


What did Stang say about the Pinks? Among other things, he said

that Pinks are "AFRAID to risk looking DUMB to THE OTHERS"; he

also said that the bobbies are "the ones who THINK they know who's


or HOW THEY DRESS." Funny how no one crying "Pink!" is familiar

with this quote (from Stark Fist No. 43 Vol 17, page 120.)


What did "Bob" say? All the bobbies right now are saying "that

proves YOU are Pink! Everyone `hip' knows that `Bob' is just

a joke! He's not real!" ... And yet Chapter 20 of the Book of

teh SubGenius, written by "Bob", gives us clear answers:

Friend, "Normals" don't control <i> anything </i>.

<b> There are no "Normals!" </b> <i> NORMALCY

ITSELF, <i> the Sheep Factor, the Ball Cutter,

controls everything. Without trying! Without

<i> knowing! </i> [BotS, page 182]


We normally say "the Pinks are the Normals," yet here's "Bob"

saying there are no Normals. So who are the Pinks?

They are the people hypnotized by Normalcy. They are the

people who willingly enslave themselves to that Sheep Factor

"Bob" was talking about. THEY ARE SHEEPLE.


And the Con is the grim herdsman.


Pinkness is everywhere, yeti! It's IN YOUR GENES. Pinkness

is the herd instinct -- useful in its way, but as our brains

became too big for our britches, we've transformed that herd

instinct from the physical realm (clustering together for

protection) into the mental and social realms (thinking and

acting alike for ... no good reason at all, just habit.)


Everyone is Pink and SubGenius at the same time. The true

yeti genes are a mix of good ol' fashioned instincts untainted

by fears of abnormality plus the futuristic urges of our Big

Brains coming up with creative new solutions to the reality

problem. The Pink Herd Instinct, however, tries to stifle

these yeti instincts and urges, however, because it destroys

the illusion that we are no longer living in baboon troops

on the Serengeti.


Pinkness is that irrational need to suppress the unusual or

the different. It is that desire for a delusional feeling

of "tribe". It is the Con's favorite method of creative

crowd control: convince the herdlike masses to weed out the

troublemakers, the ones who aren't easy to control, and you

will be a rich man. You don't even need to worry about

a coup, because anyone contemplating rising to power wants

THE SAME THING, wants the illusion of tribes to create a

corresponding illusion of tribal control.


So what should we do? How do we avoid looking Pink in front

of others? WE DON'T. That desire is driven by Pinkness --

cast it out! What about bobbies; how do we avoid them? WE

DON'T. That, too, is a Pink desire -- cast it out! The

need to feel like part of a group, including the "hip", "cool"

group of people who "don't believe in groups," is all Pinkness.


Cast it out!


There's nothing wrong with being in a group. There's nothing

wrong with NOT being in a group. The obsession with belonging

or not belonging is what is truely wrong, it is PINK. Cast

it out! Cast it out before the Con starts telling you "groups

are WRONG, especially those groups OVER THERE. Look for that

uniform! Hit them with rocks! Here, PUT ON THIS UNIFORM, so

your buddies won't hit YOU with rocks, too."


If you think of Pinkness as being in your DNA, as being an

obsolete instinct causing more harm than good, then "Bob's"

instructions (kill the Pinks) makes perfect sense. Only a

bobbie thinks we're talking about murder. We're talking about

killing those URGES. Destroy them! Destroy them first in

YOURSELF, then destroy them in others! ONLY stoop to killing

IF you can't remove the urges at all!


Most of all, KILL "BOB", because he *wants* you to kill him,

instead of elevating him to new tribal chieftain. Just don't

let "killing `Bob'" become another badge of groupthink.




Don't start bitching at people who don't kill "Bob" to your

satisfaction, or who don't tickle your testes while doing so.


If you want "Bob" killed RIGHT, you have to DO IT YOURSELF.


Or just lead a safe Pink little life, only killing members

of the politically appropriate outgroups, while hiding

fearfully any of your actions that smack of OUTGROUP TAINT.

SELL OUT. You know you want to. Then you'll be JUST LIKE



Until you realize the true danger comes from selling out the

Truth in order to preserve the comfort of Conformity, you

will always be Pink, and you will never board the Saucers.


And the skies will be filled with my laughter.