Subject: A close brush with Xistianity in the home
Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 01:10:07 -0500
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Rev. Poindexter)
Organization: Felix' Magic Labs
My little girl turned 6 this weekend.
Yeah, we threw the obligatory little party and let her invite all her
favorite merehume larvae over for Pizza Hut and grape KoolAid.
Also, my in-laws decided to invade.
My father-in-law is a born again preacher of some kind of Baptist
extraction. Got credentials and everything. He performed the ceremony nigh
on 10 years ago when my lovely, caring (and very normal) wife & I decided
to couple in the eyes of the law and of "God."
As is customary, when the parents come to inspect, we sanitized the house,
I tidied my office, cleaned the catbox, changed the oil in the Chevy and
made sure things were both spic and span.
I overlooked the fact that I had left my copy of Revelation X in plain view
on a corner table in the office. It didn't help matters that I was working
on a pic for a.b.s. when they arrived.
ANYHOW, "Dad" saw the words "CHURCH" of the SubGenius. And went ballistic.
"What kind of Godless crap is this?"
I gave a quick & tidy "explanation" that this is a friendly gathering place
for folks on the internet who believe that the government, Industry and
stupid people are conspiring against those who defy the status quo -- and
that we have discussions about it. (Or draw stupid pictures about it...)
Lighten up, Dad. It's a carefully constructed PARODY of religion.
OK, OK!! I admit it! I baited the fuck out of him just for the hell of it.
We eventually got involved in a discussion of the hypocracy of organized
religion - ESPECIALLY CHRISTIANITY. I made the argument that Christian
higher ups (not neccessarily -- yet not excluding the sheep) were no
better than money grubbing politicos, since ALL CHRISTIANS read from the
SAME BOOK, yet some parts are to be taken at face value and others not -
depending on whether you're talking to a Baptist, an Episcopalian, a
Catholic, etc. etc. etc.
He proceeded to "educate" me on the pious lifestyle and belief system
necessary to attain entrance to Heaven - something about you have to accept
Jesus to get there.
I countered by saying, "What about Muslims, What about Buddhists, What
about Jews & Hindus? They don't know Jesus Christ from Alfred E. Fucking
Neuman and you're telling me, that the benevolent God who created them in
his own image -- the benevolent God who loves them so much -- is going to
deny them access to the Nirvana and MAKE them burn in purgatory because
they don't accept a guy they've never even heard of?
He says, with a straight face, "There have been survivors from plane
crashes who testified that the plane was full of Moslems and Buddhists and
that they cried to Jesus to save them while the plane was going down."
I didn't feel like pressing the point any further and agreed to disagree,
but I gained great satisfaction in finding them awake this morning watching
the Today Show and sipping coffee - from my white coffee mugs with "Bob"'s
smiling face emblazoned on the side.
This space available!!
Magic Bag Enterprises, a dummy corporation of Liberian registry
email@example.com -- firstname.lastname@example.org