Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Spike Smokes a Pink Boy

From: !!!bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

Date: Wed, 22 Oct 1997 10:28:01 GMT

 

Dobbs Bless Spike Jones! He's my shordurpersav for the day, maybe even

the week if things go well. Here's how Spike gave me even more than

the usual amount of Slack today:

 

I was in the studio helping Paul with his Tuesday/Thursday sculpture

class. Two of his students are named "Ken." One is a soon to be

retiring psychology professor and the other is a retired air force guy

who feels no compunction whatsoever about using terms like "gook" to

describe Asians. K2 is a rather abrasive person and I avoid being

around him much because I have to be polite in order to not be just

real fucking deadly. The temptation is too great, so I avoid him.

 

Anyway, this morning I was helping K1 get started on a bust of himself

and I'd stuck some Dvorak on the cd player. I was kind in the middle

of something when it ended and so instead of fiddling around to find

another cd, I just punched the replay and let it run through the side

again. About halfway through the second playing K2 pipes up and asks

me "What's this music?"

 

I answered, "Dvorak's "Slavonic Dances."

 

"Oh, I thought it was the world's longest single,"

 

"It's a series of variations on Bohemian folk music," I said sorta

absently, not really paying attention to his jab. Then I went back to

what I was doing with K1. After a few minutes, I realized that he

didn't notice that I'd started the cd a second time...or maybe he did

and was somehow giving me shit for not changing the cd. So, when the

side ended, I went over and grabbed Spike Jones' greatest hits and

slapped the first cd in.

 

Immediately, Paul brightened up. He loves the Spike Jones cd. It makes

us feel like we're sculpting in the middle of a cartoon. Paul gurgles

along with "Cocktails for Two." Of course, K2 HATES Spike Jones! He

grumbled about it from across the room but I chose to ignore him. Paul

asked me to turn up one of his favorites and I could see Ken just

glowering from across the studio. I mean, the guy was literally PINK

from hating Spike Jones so much. If I could have found some rap music

to follow it up, I think I could have given him a stroke. Damme if I

didn't enjoy making him furious though.

 

Anyway, the guy is such a puss that he waited until Paul left the room

to bitch really loudly. He thought that the cd was Paul's and didn't

want to offend the Master by saying out loud how much he hated Spike

Jones. He asked if I knew if any of the band members were still

living. I said I wasn't sure. He said that he'd like to hunt them all

down and kill them if they weren't already dead.

 

I said, "My mother used to travel with the Spike Jones Band, but you

can't kill her 'cause she's already dead. This is my cd, Ken." Pink

mutherfucker...he stammered, he shouldnta done that. He should have

stuck to his guns and I might have respected him for it, but he

stammered and hemmed and hawed and shut the fuck up.

 

When Jones was done, I put on Clannad and he was gone within 10

minutes.

 

Tarla

music hath

charms...

 

 

***

Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually

Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.

Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.