Subject: Spike Smokes a Pink Boy
From: !!!firstname.lastname@example.org (TarlaStar)
Date: Wed, 22 Oct 1997 10:28:01 GMT
Dobbs Bless Spike Jones! He's my shordurpersav for the day, maybe even
the week if things go well. Here's how Spike gave me even more than
the usual amount of Slack today:
I was in the studio helping Paul with his Tuesday/Thursday sculpture
class. Two of his students are named "Ken." One is a soon to be
retiring psychology professor and the other is a retired air force guy
who feels no compunction whatsoever about using terms like "gook" to
describe Asians. K2 is a rather abrasive person and I avoid being
around him much because I have to be polite in order to not be just
real fucking deadly. The temptation is too great, so I avoid him.
Anyway, this morning I was helping K1 get started on a bust of himself
and I'd stuck some Dvorak on the cd player. I was kind in the middle
of something when it ended and so instead of fiddling around to find
another cd, I just punched the replay and let it run through the side
again. About halfway through the second playing K2 pipes up and asks
me "What's this music?"
I answered, "Dvorak's "Slavonic Dances."
"Oh, I thought it was the world's longest single,"
"It's a series of variations on Bohemian folk music," I said sorta
absently, not really paying attention to his jab. Then I went back to
what I was doing with K1. After a few minutes, I realized that he
didn't notice that I'd started the cd a second time...or maybe he did
and was somehow giving me shit for not changing the cd. So, when the
side ended, I went over and grabbed Spike Jones' greatest hits and
slapped the first cd in.
Immediately, Paul brightened up. He loves the Spike Jones cd. It makes
us feel like we're sculpting in the middle of a cartoon. Paul gurgles
along with "Cocktails for Two." Of course, K2 HATES Spike Jones! He
grumbled about it from across the room but I chose to ignore him. Paul
asked me to turn up one of his favorites and I could see Ken just
glowering from across the studio. I mean, the guy was literally PINK
from hating Spike Jones so much. If I could have found some rap music
to follow it up, I think I could have given him a stroke. Damme if I
didn't enjoy making him furious though.
Anyway, the guy is such a puss that he waited until Paul left the room
to bitch really loudly. He thought that the cd was Paul's and didn't
want to offend the Master by saying out loud how much he hated Spike
Jones. He asked if I knew if any of the band members were still
living. I said I wasn't sure. He said that he'd like to hunt them all
down and kill them if they weren't already dead.
I said, "My mother used to travel with the Spike Jones Band, but you
can't kill her 'cause she's already dead. This is my cd, Ken." Pink
mutherfucker...he stammered, he shouldnta done that. He should have
stuck to his guns and I might have respected him for it, but he
stammered and hemmed and hawed and shut the fuck up.
When Jones was done, I put on Clannad and he was gone within 10
Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually
Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.
Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.