Subject: Your Own Personal Slack
From: Modemac <email@example.com>
Date: 4 Nov 1997 13:52:50 GMT
I've just finished re-vamping my home page to make it look a little
flashier for anyone who stumbles across it. The "neon" look of the new
graphics should (hopefully) catch the eye of the onlookers, and the
separate topic pages should be easier to load.
One friend last night commented that he liked the Anti-Conspiracy section
of the site, and that was a good ego boost. At the same time, I also got
a comment from someone else who said about the Church of the SubGenius:
"Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. It's a one-joke religion -- a
good joke, but just one single joke."
To which I can only state that this person obviously hasn't understood
I've been caught up in this crazy religious cult for the past four years
now, and I'm still not tired of it because to me, it's far more than one
joke. I took the basic premise of our mighty Church and adapted it to MY
philosophy when I founded the First Online Church of "Bob." My own
personal Clench may not have the same outlook (or be quite as funny) as
the Mother Church, but so what? It's ME, and it's what *I* want to do
with my SubGenius Ministry.
Remember, folks: If you do nothing more than ape the catchy sayings and
phrases of the Church Elders and just keep hacking for THEM, you're
nothing more than a Bobbie. The whole point of this religion is for YOU
to take it and use it for YOUR OWN PERSONAL SLACK.
Look at Mutha Tarla: She's gotten a hell of a lot of Slack -- not to
mention a really cool husband and kid -- from "Bob" and Connie, and she
did it without being yet another nerdy "'Bob' is kewl, I dig that pipe
man!" fanboy. (I really hope you've been saving those writings of yours,
Tarla -- you could either put them all on your site or publish them as a
Look at the artists of alt.binaries.slack: Their Slack comes from creating
all of those MIND-WARPING, blasphemous, hideous, pornographic images.
And they get tons of Slack from doing so, because not only are they
dazzling our eyes, they're also mastering THEIR OWN SKILLS at computer
graphics...skills that are bound to serve them well in the upcoming World
Without Slack that is eternally ruled by the Conspiracy.
And this doesn't even begin to cover the range of the SubGenii who've all
gotten Slack from this insidious cult by SCHIZMING AWAY, getting their own
personal Slack, and not being Bobbies. I've gotten a couple of email
messages saying that my page isn't funny enough, that all this
anti-Conspiracy ranting is too serious. Well, tough: that's MY Slack, and
that's the way I get it.
The whole point of the Schizm is to FOUND YOUR OWN CHURCH, and run it in a
way that gets you Slack the way YOU want it.
If you think the Church of the SubGenius is just a couple of books, a
T-shirt, and a moron with a pipe, then YOU STILL DON'T GET IT. Even if
you send in your Sacred $30 (remember, boys and girls - that address is
P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214), you STILL DON'T GET IT. Watch your ass
come X-Day, because those saucers may be gunning for YOU!
Reverend Modemac (firstname.lastname@example.org)
First Online Church of "Bob"
(FINGER email@example.com for a FREE SubGenius Pamphlet!)