Subject: AN HONEST TO DOBBS RANT (Re: Devival Report, Joliet, IL 10/31-11/2 0 B.X.)
Date: Fri, 07 Nov 1997 08:56:07 +0000
From: saint andreux <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Organization: o g y r n e t w o r k
References: 1 , 2 , 3
Michael Townsend wrote:
> --> And then I was
> --> seen to return to my "normal" life, insofar as it is normal, which it
> --> is not, and even if it were I haven't really returned to it anyway; I
> --> mean, you don't recover from Devivals.
> Ok, now I've read two reports and I still don't know: when exactly was the
> Devival? Was that the loud Halloween concert where Boyd Rice didn't show
> up? Or the hanging out for the rest of the weekend? You could say "both,
> you dumbshit," but then, you could say "neither, you numbskull" too.
Both and neither, you numbskull dumbshit.
> You seem to have had some sort of interior experience, but to the outside
> world these descriptions sound about as much like a Subgenius Devival as
> --> TV to watch and books to read and Usenet to post
> --> to, though of course there's still the masturbation approved for all
Oh! You wanted to see reports of the GLAM ROCKER kind of devivals,
EH? You want to hear reports of STANG AND LEGUME fucking pumpkins
and squirrels and shoving beer bottles up each others asses? You
want to hear about how everyone chortled and chuckled while
listening to the infamous STANG 101 rants? You wanted to hear
about nude baptisms and how there was a SALES table and all that
STANDARD RUN OF THE MILL SUBGENII FOUNDATION DEVIVAL GIMME THAT
OLD TIME RELIGION CATHOLIC CEREMONY CHARGE YOU $20 AT THE DOOR,
BUT $15 IF YOU HAVE YOUR CARDBOARD CARD SAYING THAT YOU'RE A
MEMBER KIND OR DEVIVAL, HUH?
Well! Excuse me that I don't have a fucking COPYRIGHT and
the RESOURCES to rent out a HALL! I wish I did! I'd try and
put together EXACTLY THAT, if I WANTED TO MAKE MONEY (which
isn't true, since the money would rightfully be "Bob"'s).
If I wanted to get 500 people into a Club where they could
watch Doktorbands and pay $5 for an import beer and maybe
duck back behind the alley for a quick toke of FROP, I'd
have to front a couple thousand dollars and advertise the
fuck out of it. SURE. I COULD DO THAT. I COULD TAKE OUT A
LOAN AND THROW THE BIGGEST FUCKING PARTY EVER HELD SINCE
THE LAST AEROSMITH TOUR.
...AND MAYBE I FUCKING WILL...
Instead, though, I threw a DEVIVAL MY WAY. The way that we
do it here in our Clench, which is a BUNCH OF YETI GETTING
TOGETHER AND SLACKING OUT. As far as I can tell, I don't think
anyone who came had to worry about a damn thing other than
whether or not I had enough TOILET PAPER to WIPE THEIR ASSES
WITH. I should hope that they had a WEEKEND OF SLACK, maybe
not the type of Slack that the FOUNDATION SELLS, but SLACK
NONETHELESS! The type of Slack that comes when you feel
free to be your fucking self.
So excuse me if I didn't supply all the bells and whistles
and "do mind if I don'ts" and cartwheeling clowns and
fluttering flags of a HONEST TO DOBBS IVANGELICAL BRAND
DEVIVAL. Pardon fucking MOI that I dared to host a
3 day NON-ORTHODOX style devival.
IMHFO (that's IN *MY* HUMBLE FUCKING OPINION), it was a
devival. A good time was had by all, I think, and everyone
enjoyed themselves. Do I care that it might be construed
as a pansy-assed "get-together" in your eyes? *I* had
a GOOD FUCKING TIME, apart from Boyd not playing, ALL
WEEKEND LONG, which is WHAT I NEEDED to TIDE ME OVER just
a little bit closer to X-DAY.
And, for the record, my first "official" devival was in
Cleveland back in 1995. Sure it rocked my world. However,
at the same time, I was asked by Rev. G. Grrrinder to come
back to her place for an after-devival party, where for
the most part, you BAKED OUT in the COMFORT of SLACK with
your fellow YETI. I ended up that evening just shootin'
the shit about X-day with Legume... AND IT WAS SLACK.
When we have devivals here, usually it's the same thing,
although at some "devivals" WE DON'T EVEN MENTION DOBBS.
Oh, but that's not a fucking DEVIVAL in your book, eh?
EVERY FUCKING TIME YOUR YETI KIN GET TOGETHER IN DOBBS'
NAME, IT'S A DEVIVAL. LOOK AT YOUR CARD. IT SAYS THAT
YOU ARE ON "OFFICIAL BUSINESS". YOU ARE "IN CHURCH"
RIGHT NOW. IF SOMEONE IS IN YOUR PRESENCE, YOU ARE
PREACHING TO THEM. YOU ARE PERFORMING THE MINISTRY
OF DOBBS. YOU ARE YOUR OWN FUCKING DEVIVAL 24 HOURS A
DAY, 7 DAYS A WEEK UNTIL THE RUPTURE!
So, what happened last weekend WAS a devival. Sure, to
YOU it PROBABLY looked like just a bunch of people
sitting around drinking beer and watching South Park.
Sure, lots of people sit around drinking beer and
watch South Park. Is that a devival? Not necessarily.
WHAT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE WAS THE SLACK.
Maybe you should have been there. Or, maybe you
should get your Third Nostril opened a wee bit more.
"The SubGenius must have Slack"
Remember that one? Or is this whole thing REALLY ONLY
about making silly injokes and selling pamphlets?
saint andreux --><-- O G Y R N E T W O R K www.prairienet.org/~saint
SacraMenstrual Church of the SubGenius Local 451 Outreach Ministry
LOGIC OF SLACK : PURE HATRED IS THE PUREST FORM OF LOVE
war is peace - freedom is slavery - ignorance is strength