Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: The Old Man and the Joke


Date: Thu, 13 Nov 1997 11:56:34 GMT


Living without a car forces me to take frequent trips to the

grocery store. These trips, due to my antisocial nature, often turn

into rant filled scenes of chaos. Not much thrills me more than

seeing looks of shock and horror on the faces of the human cattle

normally drably mooing in Old Soviet Russia like queues when I begin

to spew forth crazy rantings. Indeed yesterday was another typical


I was about the sixth person in a line at a store which uses

an advertising slogan of " three's a crowd ". I was there to get my

daily intake of crank in a can and was holding a warm twelver of diet

cola. An old dude in front of me had a shopping cart carrying four

monstrous bottles of vodka. Now I used to drink an awful lot of

alcohol, and even though I can no longer do so, I can relate with

those that do imbibe the spirits. No hard feelings just don't puke on

my shoes.

"Wow, who you expecting, Boris Yeltsin?" I quipped.

The old dude just looked at me with a grim, disgusted

expression, and then looked away muttering something. The line moved

up a person.

"Um ... the Russian guy ... Boris ... Yeltsin?" I said. The

old guy tried to ignore me. Realizing that I had a captive audience

staring at me, I emitted a wild airplane noise, flew my hand over my

head and blurted out, " Went RIGHT over your head, its outta here!"

"I got it and I don't need your comments!" he said hostilely.

Then he pointed to my twelve pack of soda and said, "Like that stuff

is healthy? You're killing yourself with that stuff."

I flipped.

"You mean to tell me I have to stand here and listen to a

health lecture from some old fart with twenty gallons of vodka getting

ready to drink himself into a coma? What are trying to run some farm

equipment or fuel an alcohol funny car? Just because you have an

ironclad liver doesn't mean you have any sense you geriatric lunatic."

Needless to say my rant continued to the dismay of all the

doltish humans around me. He finally exited the line and I had to

deal with a nervous cashier. It doesn't help their comfort that I

look somewhat like the Unabomber. I managed to leave the store

without further incident, somehow.

I go through this sort of thing every day. I nearly started a

race riot at an Albertson's about two weeks ago. I've been thrown out

of practically every major chain around this state. All because I

won't stand for insolent humans and their idiocy. Its a good thing I

don't have a job - blood would spill.


***************** CrazyCurt *****************

************* King of Curtopia **************

** ***