Subject: To Whom it May Constern
Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 05:46:00 GMT
From: email@example.com (MegaLiz)
Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu
Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack
Dear Totin' Tots Manufacturer:
First, let me say thank you for your many fine products, in
particular the Travelin' Bouncy Seat For Children Under 25 lbs. I have
used and enjoyed this product for several years now. Well, no *I*
haven't used it, but my various baby people have been passengers in
your wonderful, collapsible happy seat of fun, each in turn until they
reached the weight limit of 25 pounds.
I nearly wrote to complain when I bought your product, because the
bouncy seat did not include a Safe Strap-on Toy, as advertised. That's
probably the fault of Toys R Us, I thought to myself, because the
Totin' Tots surely to not allow people to rip their packages asunder
and retape them with missing parts. I never did write to lament the
loss of the Safe Toy, because your fine product does not require the
enhancement of it. It is fully engrossing to the wiggly infant as it
Today, I am writing to suggest something entirely different. While
the Travelin' Bouncy Seat is packaged with standard cautions about
weight limits and "never leave infant unattended" warnings, I believe
that your happy customers would benefit from some additional
instructions. You know, instructions for those white trash baby
squirting machines who can't use common sense unless it's beat into
them by their betters and biggers.
I spend a lot of time trying to improve the lot of these sad and
stupid ladies. My husband says that I should get a job, but I feel
that when I'm not occupied with keeping my own little darlings out of
harm's way, I really should be EXTENDING myself toward those less
fortunate and good-looking. Oprah tells me THAT every day.
What sort of warnings? Well for one thing I think that the
Travelin' Bouncy Seat for Children Under 25 lbs should be labeled:
Not intended for use as a catapult.
This is not a flotation device.
Not designed for twins. Buy two.
This is not a swing.
Not adapted for most roof racks.
Warning: Some infants can escape velcro!
Additionally, I would strongly urge you to change the fabric colors
on the seat to include reflective material, so that it can be easily
avoided by unsuspecting motorists should one of THEM leave it in the
driveway or on a busy street by mistake.
Thank you for allowing me to improve your product! My Congressman will
be in touch with your Congressman to ensure that you continue to make
the safety of stupid people a top priority!
p.s. I still would like to have that Safe Strap-on Toy.
* "Okay! Okay! I'll NEVAH EVAH do it AGAIN!" - The Spunky
alt.foot.fat-free: where you can collect all six Moment Toes