Subject: To Whom it May Constern

Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 05:46:00 GMT

From: nospamum@radix.net (MegaLiz)

Organization: MotPU: Where Binary Moodswings are ALWAYS on the Menu

Newsgroups: alt.foot.fat-free, alt.slack

Dear Totin' Tots Manufacturer:

First, let me say thank you for your many fine products, in

particular the Travelin' Bouncy Seat For Children Under 25 lbs. I have

used and enjoyed this product for several years now. Well, no *I*

haven't used it, but my various baby people have been passengers in

your wonderful, collapsible happy seat of fun, each in turn until they

reached the weight limit of 25 pounds.

I nearly wrote to complain when I bought your product, because the

bouncy seat did not include a Safe Strap-on Toy, as advertised. That's

probably the fault of Toys R Us, I thought to myself, because the

Totin' Tots surely to not allow people to rip their packages asunder

and retape them with missing parts. I never did write to lament the

loss of the Safe Toy, because your fine product does not require the

enhancement of it. It is fully engrossing to the wiggly infant as it

is.

Today, I am writing to suggest something entirely different. While

the Travelin' Bouncy Seat is packaged with standard cautions about

weight limits and "never leave infant unattended" warnings, I believe

that your happy customers would benefit from some additional

instructions. You know, instructions for those white trash baby

squirting machines who can't use common sense unless it's beat into

them by their betters and biggers.

I spend a lot of time trying to improve the lot of these sad and

stupid ladies. My husband says that I should get a job, but I feel

that when I'm not occupied with keeping my own little darlings out of

harm's way, I really should be EXTENDING myself toward those less

fortunate and good-looking. Oprah tells me THAT every day.

What sort of warnings? Well for one thing I think that the

Travelin' Bouncy Seat for Children Under 25 lbs should be labeled:

Not intended for use as a catapult.

This is not a flotation device.

Not designed for twins. Buy two.

This is not a swing.

Not adapted for most roof racks.

Warning: Some infants can escape velcro!

Additionally, I would strongly urge you to change the fabric colors

on the seat to include reflective material, so that it can be easily

avoided by unsuspecting motorists should one of THEM leave it in the

driveway or on a busy street by mistake.

Thank you for allowing me to improve your product! My Congressman will

be in touch with your Congressman to ensure that you continue to make

the safety of stupid people a top priority!

Sincerely,

Posy Narker

p.s. I still would like to have that Safe Strap-on Toy.

-------------------------------------------------------------

* "Okay! Okay! I'll NEVAH EVAH do it AGAIN!" - The Spunky

alt.foot.fat-free: where you can collect all six Moment Toes