Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubG funeral/burial ritual? +CANNIBALISM

From: "James M. Burton" <jimburtn@saga21.Stanford.EDU>

Date: Thu, 30 Oct 1997 07:28:44 -0800

 

On Thu, 30 Oct 1997, Christopher Giese wrote:

> Had a bit of a brush with mortality last week. It got me thinking:

>

> what is the SubGenius funeral/burial ritual?

>

While we're on the subject, does anyone know what California & Federal law

have to say about cannibalism. I want to be eaten when I'm dead (assuming

I don't die in a throroughly unappetizing way), ever since I read

"Stranger in a Strange Land". I can't get a straight answer out of any of

the lawyer-ish types I know, for obvious reasons.

 

Short of that, I'd assume that a proper SubG burial ritual would emphasize

as much disfigurement/brutalization as possible. "Strength through

disfigurement" is our alternative motto, after all.

 

Besides, if you look at the Christian tradition of burial, you find it

rooted in their beliefs in bodily resurrection at judgement day (not like

you get to *enjoy* your body, though - it's more a Heaven's Gate "level

above human" thing than anything else). Thus "Rest in Peace" - you're not

totally dead - just resting for the Judgement. It was their way of

contrasting themselves from the Romans, who practiced cremation.

 

So the SubG response should be to contrast ourselves as much as possible

from the Christians, by mutilating the corpse as much as possible. How

cool would it be if, after you die, all your friends and loved ones came

and beat the living crap out of your corpse with aluminum baseball bats?

Or better yet, they could stuff you up with candy, and make a game to help

the children feel better. And shove a few sticks of dynamite up the

keister, something to "get you to Heaven faster".

 

And when the cops come, just say "hey, it's art."

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