Subject: Dreaming of Menopause
From: !!!email@example.com (TarlaStar)
Date: Mon, 10 Nov 1997 14:23:52 GMT
Christ, I'm tired of bleeding every fucking month! It doesn't matter
that I'm the poster girl for healthy female organs...that I'm the one
that sets the standard for "average" (every 28 days, 4 days long).
It's STILL a pain in the ass (or at least that general area).
I'm looking forward to Menopause. I'm looking forward to not being
just a little crazy and overly emotional for a week every month. I'm
looking forward to NOT worrying about whether or not I'm going to ruin
yet ANOTHER pair of underwear or light colored slacks. I won't miss
the cramps, the mess, the extra expense ONE DAMNED BIT. My first hot
flash MAY cause me to climax; I've been looking forward to it for so
long. I wish there was some way to turn off the machinery once you're
done with it. Say...you go six or ten years without having a baby and
you get to stop bleeding. Other than during my pregnancies and heavier
periods of nursing, I've been doing this for 30 fucking years! I'm
getting damned tired of it.
And I'm one of the lucky ones. I was bitching to Sr. Jezabel about it
yesterday and she said, "At least you know WHEN you're going to start.
I may have a period every two weeks, then go eight without one." She's
not the only one of my friends with that problem. When my sister went
in for surgery a week ago, she was actually HOPING that they'd find
enough of a mess to justify a hysterectomy. They found everything but
Jimmy Hoffa in there but they left her bleeding mechanism intact.
The only good side is that the dogs are more attentive to my crotch.
Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually
Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.
Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.
Subject: Bleeding Mutha *Good*
Author:Rev. Random the Other <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Just got in to work; saw THIS in the Monday, Nov. 10, 1997 paper:
Experiments show chemicals stop menopause
London - Scientists experimenting with mice have found a way
to keep ovaries from dying and thus block the onset of
menopause, London's Sunday Times reported.
Scientists at Harvard Medical School discovered that an
application of two chemical agents called fumonisim-B1,
a fungal toxin, and sphingosine-1-phosphate stops cells
in the ovaries from dying, the newspaper said. The research
will be published next week in the scientific journal Nature
Medicine, the paper said.
The research is still at the experimental stage, the report
noted, but project leader Johnathan Tilly said the results
with mice were so good the technique could be used on women
(I swear I am not making this up)
"Hormone-replacement therapy will become a thing of the past,
because the implant would preserve ovarian function," Tilly said.
"The results are so striking that in a perfect world, we would
take it into clinics right now."
(Fungal toxin tastes great too!)
My sincere condolences in These End Times,
Rev. Random the Other
"...hey Hank, hand me somma dem mice.
I wanna squirt some o' dis sphingosine
up 'em, too..."