From modemac@shell1.tiac.net Thu Jul 09 21:10:46 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: SubGenius Nation

From: Modemac <modemac@shell1.tiac.net>

Date: 10 Jul 1998 04:10:46 GMT

 

A Message from Susie the Floozie:

 

You'll have to excuse any technofuckups here--I'm quite the nudie

at this, or whatever. I don't know the words--but somehow I have to find

them now for what will no doubt be the only posting ever from me, because

this is the one thing from me which I feel is worthy of flogging us all. I

know what I witnessed at Brushwood, and it WAS truly apocalyptic.

 

I went not knowing what to expect, but with the background

sensation that we would all be ripped off. As I put it, "One way or

another, we're all gonna finally get FUCKED REAL GOOD by "Bob"! Whoo-HOO!!"

But I never expected to be feeling such righteous afterglow from the

spiritual mugging we all suffered.

 

SURE, Stang and Jesus are brazen charlatans who took advantage of

our willing gullibility, and SURE, the chance of actual redemption from the

skies was about zilch point shit. Still, I tried to keep that wool pulled

and to be a starry-eyed little seeker for the Cause, although deep inside

there was the feeling that we were about to get the Big Burn of All Time.

But something mystical happened out there in that SubGenius Sweat Lodge,

and I know I'm not the only one who felt it.

 

The night of X-Day Eve, I took my boombox full of apocalyptic

easy-listening music out into the middle of the Bigass Brushwood Field and

stood out there, naked and alone in the dewy grass beneath a sky screaming

with stars, and I danced an EndTimes Dance in the dark--and as I swirled,

everywhere I looked was alive with Our People. The night air pulsed with

SubGenius life. All around me was a ring of their glowing campfires, and

the sounds of their last-night-on-Earth revelry carried through the cold

night air and blended with the atmospheric schmaltz. And suddenly, I was

moved to tears of absolute joy by it all. This was no longer a raggedy-ass

convocation of bitter misfits and fucked-up loners--suddenly, we were a

great SubGenius Nation. At that point of satori alone there in that field,

I sobbed like a fucking baby over it--and in that crystalline, perfect

moment, I knew what it was really all about.

 

Waiting for the saucers to arrive was a lot of kicks, sure. But

that wasn't the be-all and end-all of the game. Yeah, we got burned--but at

the same time, something stronger in us all got forged in those same fires.

We're in this Church from the start because of our mutually shared pain and

discontent, and at the risk of sounding just too fucking

sweetness-and-light, WE HAVE EACH OTHER. That's where our power and our

true menace to THEM has always lain--but by the same token, we can draw the

solace and strength we need for our basic survival from the fact that we

ARE a solid, cohesive SubGenius family. Every one of us has a part around

"Bob"'s big dinner table, passing that steaming tureen of Slack to the Yeti

next to you and happily digging into the soul-satisfying feast of Dobbs

with our brethren. Sure, we're a dysfunctional family, but we're made of

superior material to start with--and our version of the home game has much

more amusing and fascinating characters, like our oily Daddy Stang and our

badass Uncle K'Taden and our sweet Little Brother Onan and our silken

Sister Lilith and our crusty ol' Grampa GGGordon. (Ha!) And you can just

think of me as your slutty sister Susie who laughs it off when you walk in

on me when I'm douching in the tub...

 

This past week, I got more bang for my membership buck than I ever

thought possible. This Church has given me (and I hope many others)

something immeasurable, and I am absolutely SHINING from it all. With

lovely SubGenius friends like these, I can glibly chortle, "FUCK the Sex

Goddesses!" and laugh off the sting of brutal disappointment. Maybe we

didn't get off this planet, but for some weird-ass goddamn reason, I don't

exactly mind living on shitball Earth as much as I did a week ago. And that

in itself is a miracle of the first fucking water, Baby.

 

Sure, this cult is founded on a big fucking joke--but our

dedication to our own is totally fucking serious. Any lameass shitstain who

doubts we're a family can just look at the outpouring of support for poor

stricken Pee Kitty. (Hey, why don't we throw him his own surrogate Rupture

next year, since he missed the Big One? We've got a year to figure out

HOW...) Maybe we didn't get off this planet, but we can use our new

solidarity to create a SubGenius paradise for the Yetinsyn here on Earth.

 

And by the way, yes, that WAS a huge motherfucking "X" in the

clouds in the pink light of early dawn on X-Day morning, and I hopefully

got photographic proof of it. It was truly a beautiful thing to see the

tangible sign of Dobbs' covenant with his people afire in the skies over

our Great SubGenius Nation.

 

"O Brave New World,

that has such creatures in it..."

 

Boy, do I ever need a frickin' cigarette.

 

Rev. Susie the Floozie

[Kiss mark here]

The New Post-Apocalyptic Reformed Church of Dobbs, Unrepentant

 

From monsterwax@aol.com Thu Jul 09 21:35:31 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: monsterwax@aol.com (Monsterwax)

Date: 10 Jul 1998 04:35:31 GMT

 

Ditto.

 

From Obnostic@erols.com Fri Jul 10 10:01:42 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>

Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 13:01:42 -0400

 

About two Months before X-Day, I got "The Joke".

 

Think about this: Is SubGenius any more of a scam than Christianity,

just because less people believe in it?

 

There had to be SOMETHING to tie together all these far-flung

aestethics in art, music, lifestyle; the deeper meanings behind the

mundane workaday world that keeps us PURSUING A VISION despite

the pressure to be ephemeral and trendy.

 

Like the mathematician at his scribble-crowded chalkboard, we

are perfecting a FORMULA which we can apply to RECREATE OUR

OWN REALITY. And unlike the number-crunching Pinkies striving

to create a ONE EQUATION FITS ALL reality, we know that what

we derive from our calculations can only be applied to OURSLEVES

and THOSE WHO UNDERSTAND.

 

Sure, the shallow and perversely-indoctrinated will continue to

attack us. But the empirical evidence PROVES to me that we have

already won and continue to win despite their feeble attacks.

TIME will prove us right.

 

SO WHAT if we all had you believing in a saucer rapture? You

believed in something fantastic and greater than yourself!

Just imagine if we could get folks to believe in something

less far-flung but EVERY BIT AS FANTASTIC?!?!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!

 

If the Subgenius Foundation had never been founded, IT WOULD

STILL HAVE EXISTED under some other name because THEY CANNOT

KILL WHAT IS DEEP INSIDE US.

 

Personally I want MY reality to become one where I marry

Susie's clone!

 

From saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org Fri Jul 10 10:04:59 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: saint andreux <saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org>

Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 12:04:59 -0500

 

Steve Slack wrote:

 

> About two Months before X-Day, I got "The Joke".

>

> Think about this: Is SubGenius any more of a scam than Christianity,

> just because less people believe in it?

 

Steve, I'm shocked...

 

It took you that long?

 

Hell, Phred warned me of that back in 1992, and I still

sent off my $20.

--

saint andreux --><-- SCIENTOLOGISTS CAN'T READ THIS POST

"the pervert is back!" FIND OUT WHY: www.xenu.net

www.prairienet.org/~saint/ MY NAME IS A BANNED PHRASE

 

 

 

From Obnostic@erols.com Fri Jul 10 10:23:10 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>

Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 13:23:10 -0400

 

Yes, @reux, it took me THAT long and I was a $20 member who

joined in '83!!

 

See, I still believed that humans could change, and that

they could help me in my Nameless Mission.

 

Well they changed all right. THEY GOT WORSE!!

 

What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented

grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it, was that

I went through all that self-doubt and self-pity before I

finally realized that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

 

From kevbob.AlLsPaM@ecsis.net Fri Jul 10 12:19:23 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: "kevbob" <kevbob.AlLsPaM@ecsis.net>

Date: 10 Jul 1998 19:19:23 GMT

 

Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com> wrote in article

<35A64DFE.23B0@erols.com>...

> What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented

> grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it,

 

cool!

 

i knew you rocked!

 

now i have PROOF!

 

praise steve slack!

 

 

--

"the middle just got a whole lot harder."

 

From saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org Fri Jul 10 12:21:02 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: saint andreux <saint@!bugger-off!prairienet.org>

Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1998 14:21:02 -0500

 

Steve Slack wrote:

 

> See, I still believed that humans could change, and that

> they could help me in my Nameless Mission.

 

Oh, you old sentimental FOOL.

 

> Well they changed all right. THEY GOT WORSE!!

 

Well, at least you learned now.

 

> What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented

> grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it, was that

> I went through all that self-doubt and self-pity before I

> finally realized that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

 

I thought Grunge music was created by Robert Anton Wilson

in the 60's as a bad joke...

 

--

saint andreux --><-- SCIENTOLOGISTS CAN'T READ THIS POST

"the pervert is back!" FIND OUT WHY: www.xenu.net

www.prairienet.org/~saint/ MY NAME IS A BANNED PHRASE

 

 

 

From Obnostic@erols.com Fri Jul 10 21:22:42 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>

Date: Sat, 11 Jul 1998 00:22:42 -0400

 

?! wrote:

>

> Steve Slack wrote in message <35A64DFE.23B0@erols.com>...

> >What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented

> >grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it,

>

> Um, Steve? Grunge rock was invented in 1979. 'Course back then we called

> it "punk". Or just "The Ramones".

 

Oh yeah I know all about that shit. What do ya think I am, some

spring chicken? Why I remember when me and The Rat were making

holy horrid hilarious noise before I ever heard of 'Bob' or

Doktormusik. We'd invade the radio station at Va. Tech and

scare the shit out of the hippies and preppies with James Chance,

Lydia Lunch, Throbbing Gristle, Glen Branca, Captain Beefheart,

Swell Maps, Chrome, Tuxedomoon, you name it, if it was annoying

we'd have it on the air. 'Cept it wasn't annoying to us, we ate

it up. Too bad none of the other dorks shared our sense of fun,

always trying to get us to do 'album oriented rock' (now known as

'classic rock'). And we weren't even the first or the best on

there to do 'alternative' radio (when 'alternative' music was

commonly called "that weirdo faggot shit")

 

{BTW the Ramones made their 1st album in '76.}

 

What I was trying to say was that in '86 I was alone with my

psuedo drum kit which was comprised of a shoe box with a mike

wrapped in a bandanna placed inside it and EQ'd, a fruitcake

tin stuffed with wind chimes and miked with a telephone

receiver, and a bag of marbles to serve as a high hat [and

you know it worked 'cause when people heard it they would say

'that's the cheesist sounding drum kit I've ever heard'], and

I had my 12-string Rickenbacker with a mid-tempo funky chunka-

chunka groove going, and damned if not less than four years

later everyone was doing the same kind of groove.

 

--

Obnostic@erols.com

http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Underground/5867

 

AN ASS having heard some Musicians playing, was highly

enchanted; and, desiring to possess the same charms of melody,

demanded what sort of food they lived on to give them such

beautiful voices. They replied, "Gigs!" The Ass resolved that

he would live only upon gigs, and in a short time died of hunger.

 

-Aesop...freely adapted by Dr. Oscar

 

From $toxiccow@mind$pring.com Sat Jul 11 11:48:03 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: $toxiccow@mind$pring.com (Sister Pammy of the Soil)

Date: Sat, 11 Jul 1998 18:48:03 GMT

 

Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com> wrote:

 

>Yes, @reux, it took me THAT long and I was a $20 member who

>joined in '83!!

>

>See, I still believed that humans could change, and that

>they could help me in my Nameless Mission.

 

I sacrificed several years to that futile, fatal concept. Finally had

to kill myself to get better!

>

>Well they changed all right. THEY GOT WORSE!!

 

Television has not improved the human race--instead they've gotten

more sheeplike, and their bleating has taken on a particularly

universal tone.

>

>What pisses me off the most, besides the fact that I invented

>grunge music in '86 and was never credited for it, was that

>I went through all that self-doubt and self-pity before I

>finally realized that I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG.

 

Of course you did, because to believe in other people's change as the

answer to your own life's longings only guarantees that you will NEVER

get what you want. And then you have to spend time asking yourself why

you spent all that other time setting yourself up for a BAD TIME.

(Time, time, hear the bells chime...). We yetis should have been born

free and wild, but since we hatch out into humanity's domain we have

to fight like hell to get a space to call our own. Hang in there!

 

SPOTS

 

From Obnostic@erols.com Mon Jul 13 12:55:45 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: SubGenius Nation

From: Steve Slack <Obnostic@erols.com>

Date: Mon, 13 Jul 1998 15:55:45 -0400

 

Sister Pammy of the Soil wrote:

 

> Television has not improved the human race--instead they've gotten

> more sheeplike, and their bleating has taken on a particularly

> universal tone.

 

It's like they were all fanatical about a song which was comprised

of ONE DISSONANT ENDLESSLY REPEATING CHORD.

 

I've noticed how pervasive BAD television is, as regards to

the lives of the unwitting. It leads them to assume, nay

DEMAND, that everyone around them be

 

1) Rich

2) Young

3) Physically perfect.

 

Mabye ONE percent of the population meets all three of these

criteria. Yet the remaining 99 will abuse and walk all over

each other for not being, or in the attempt to be, or to attach

themselves to that 1%.

 

> We yetis should have been born

> free and wild, but since we hatch out into humanity's domain we have

> to fight like hell to get a space to call our own. Hang in there!

 

For novice Subs, one of the easist things to do, yet one of the

hardest things to make a habit, is to TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS.

 

A small incident that happened last night bore this out. I had

parallel parked the Slackwagon, packed so full of holy crapola

I could barely see out the back, in a tight space between two

vehicles at my new Obnostic media bunker. The butt end of the

Slackwagon was sticking out into the street. I was barely within

the legal distance limit from the curb and even though I KNEW,

just flat out KNEW, that some pu-man was gonna come take my bumper

apart, I said fuck it, unloaded and went to bed.

 

Need I tell you what I came down to the next morning? The left

hand rear bumper guard torn off and lying in the street, and a

note on my window.

 

Or take the example of this job I'm working. My boss at the

previous job basically HANDED me this one since her husband

was the VP. My old Bobbie self balked at the thought of

dealing with an even stuffier crowd of conservatives, but then

my Motherfucker Superior screamed "You Dumbass! Quit being

a frightened little baby, put those acting skills to work

and go for it!"

 

And you've already heard me whine about the drawbacks, but

GET THIS: THEIR work only takes me an HOUR a day to complete.

I won't bore you with further details, but needless to say

I stay BUSY, ALL DAY.

 

And my old job? Re-organized with a $40/week salary reduction.

 

See what happens when you not only THINK, but KNOW???

 

And I could give MANY other examples of when I didn't trust

my instincts, where nothing bad happened but nothing great

either.

 

I guess next, that I will now go rescue the lead guitar

player from the Slack Attack tape BACK from this lame,

all-hype douchebag he's hooked up with.

 

Best of luck to me!!

 

----------------------------------------------------------------

http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Underground/5867/

 

What did the Japanese beauty queen say to the waiter?

"I no want no hot dog, I want flesh fluit!"