From email@example.com Sun Jul 19 20:40:50 1998
Subject: Wise Up! They're Out To Get You!
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (that bear thing)
Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1998 03:40:50 GMT
Who's out to get you? The Uberfemmes, that's who.
You guys who thought Bob was the true force behind this church better guess
again. The Church of the Subgenius is nothing more than a front for a
Connie Conspiracy designed to enslave Yetimen.
Yes, far from being a church of eternal Slack, this "church" of the
"sub"genius is merely a clever ploy to lure innocent Yeti's into that most
unholy of unholies: WedLOCK. Sex goddesses my ass! You believed that
stuff? That was set up by CONnie to draw in more men than women, thus
giving her Uberfemmes a wider selection from which to enslave. Surely you
yetis that attended Brushwood must have noticed the starkness of the
Uberfemme to Overman ratio? Pretty lopsided wasn't it? You think that's
an accident? Something to just sigh about and blame on female CONditioning?
Make no mistake about it bub, you're the one who's being CONditioned. These
so called Uberfemmes are after one thing only. Your Slack. Why do you
think they lured you to Brushwood in the first place? Why do you think they
ran around naked and beckoned to you from the pool like farcical aquatic
tarts? To trap you. To trick your frop adled brain into believing they
are "an alluring catch", a suitable "replacement" for the real
sex-goddesses, whom they knew all along would never appear. The old bait
Pity the poor hapless Yeti who falls into their web. Once that ring is
through your nose you're finished pal. Faster than you can say "praise Bob"
they'll have you working a 9 to 5 job, pinned down by a mortgage and
raising their foul offspring (all girls) while they sit in the lap of YOUR
hard-earned luxury, snapping down twinkies in front of YOUR TV set and
growing larger and larger by the minute. Within a year they'll have you
whipped like a beaten dog. That sexy little outfit you saw them in at
Brushwood will never be worn again because it will be four sizes too small.
That Sex-Hurt you heard so much about will be replaced with just plain old
Hurt. And should you try to defect and save your sorry ass, well they'll
just track you down, slap a court order on you to support them the rest of
their unnatural lives, then scurry back to Brushwood to scare up a fresh
If you think I'm joking let the facts speak for themselves. Do they
worship Bob? Not on your life. They worship Connie. In fact they're so
confident of their barely hidden agenda that they worship her openly. Just
check the sigs... It's there in black and white. Need more proof? Stang:
Married. Legume: Married. Doc Dynasoar: Married. The list goes on and
Wise UP! Escape while there's still time! Join Boys For Bob and cast these
evil Connieites back into the pit from whence they came. OR KILL ME!
that is all.