From twgs@whatsthepoint.net Fri Jul 31 18:25:10 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Attn: Dr. Legume

From: twgs@whatsthepoint.net (Jahweh Lynch)

Date: Sat, 01 Aug 1998 01:25:10 GMT

 

Thus spake Dr.Legume:

 

>You dumbass, that whole Battle thing was MY idea, not Strange's. And it

>wasnt "centered around a skinny middle-aged guy covered in bubble

>wrap", it was centered around a whole bunch of folks having FUN.

 

I have ceased to understand this thread. I mean to say, I am not no HIPPIE

or pot-smoker or anything, I shave EVERY DAY and I have THREE DIFFERENT

KINDS OF DEODORANT in my bathroom, but people who come up to lecture me

about my lecturing them about their lectures about what IS and IS NOT SEX

and by the way we don't take kindly to the way you DRESS, plus also do you

have change for a dollar for the copy machine? makes significantly less

sense to me than some guy coming up to me on the bus and telling me how the

Orientals are behind it all and how President Nixon ought to throw them out

on their butts. In German. I understand that you are saying vaguely

derogatory things about me or that you are telling me that you are so much

better than me because of a long list 50 items long that starts with

1) I have sex with a beautiful woman I love every day

2) I like my penis

3) I do not now nor have I ever believed in flying saucers, Senator

4) I own a gun and know how to use it

....

and goes all the way down to

50) and I don't wear any of those damn stupid hats, neither!

but then I SAY

1) Yeah but how did you score on the NEGATIVLAND SEX TEST

2) I do not know much about penises or sex and maybe I am some sort of

pervert or something but I do not know why it is so much better to put your

tongue in some girls mouth than to put it in some girls ear because for

example (e.g.) have you ever heard of someone having bad EAR BREATH or

taking ear mints? All you have to worry about with ears is ear wax and I

used to eat my ear wax when I was a kid and it didn't really taste all that

bad, and I don't know why putting your penis in some girls cunt 3x a day is

so much better than dressing up in a french maid outfit and sitting in her

lap for five hours while you watch "Dr Who" or walking around naked on

stilts in a rainstorm and I am GLAD you like your penis but things are a

little bit different for me.

3) Is it better to believe that Mad Max was a documentary or that Space is

the Place is a documentary? I think that is a silly question.

4) Guns do not make me happy because if I had one I would shoot myself in

the head one day because I am self-obsessed and also an introvert, and

maybe you would like that but I wouldn't, and maybe you think that this

also proves that you are a better person than me and maybe you are going to

add a 51) to your list right now, and that would make me confused again

because I am not really sure what is wrong with having weaknesses and

knowing about them.

....

and all the way down to

50) No response. I do not know what it is with you and the hat. You win.

You are better than me because I wear a funny hat.

..so but apart from that you are as alien to me as the lady who came up to

me and screamed bloody murder because she had a LATE FEE of SEVEN DOLLARS

for books totalling probably $500 that she got to read FREE and why didn't

we send her NOTICES IN THE MAIL and CALL HER WITH VIGOR AND VIM my god can

you imagine if the ARMY was run this way they'd be in JAIL and I pay your

SALARY, BUDDY! And since they would OFFICIALLY or unofficially REPRIMAND

me if I said "You know, I do not understand why you are so angry about

this. The funding for this library was appropriated in 1899. You have had

100 years to figure out that there is a fine on books returned late. We

put these nice little blue cards in each and every book to remind you when

to return them. Are you a) suffering from a false sense of entitlement, b)

transferring your anger at yourself for having "failed" in your societal

responsibilities to the person responsible for informing you of the

consequences or c) merely delusional?" and since, in a refreshing change

from most of the past jobs I have worked, I am not paid to take abuse, I

merely repeated the mantra "Would you like to talk to my supervisor?" I

would have put on a fake smile, too, but I don't really know how to do

those, and when she left took a 15-minute break and meditated (52. Actually

believes in meditation).

 

Actually, never mind, because now I think I understand her, but I am not

going to delete that paragraph because I rather liked it, and even though

it doesn't have a damned thing to do with the rest of this post the rest of

this post doesn't have a damned thing to do with very much at all, so it

can stay where it is. The point is, I completely fail to understand why

most people are the way they are, and no, I do not particularly understand

why somebody with a penis would want to be a woman, either, not really, but

I do not let it bother me. I find it a lot easier understanding that than

understanding why people think Tom Hanks is such a great actor. Every time

I see Tom Hanks on TV or in pictures, I think, "Oh, there's Tom Hanks". If

he was really a good actor, I wouldn't think that. Well, maybe you know a

lot more about other people than I do and thus can afford to get bothered

when people do things you don't understand.

 

Either I am extremely Slackful, or extremely stupid. I'd leave it for

y'all to decide, but it looks like you folks already have, one way or the

other.

 

--

"Marry a rat or a dog late in life. Avoid monkeys."

- My Chinese Fortune (oh by the way remove whats to email)

JIGGY WEEK: http://www.thepoint.net/~twgs/jiggy/jiggy.htm

 

From Bob_Chapman@SLAQ.brown.edu Fri Jul 31 21:10:53 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Attn: Dr. Legume

From: Bob_Chapman@SLAQ.brown.edu (Crazy Bob)

Date: 1 Aug 1998 04:10:53 GMT

 

In article <35d56074.8439995@news.newsguy.com>, twgs@whatsthepoint.net felt

like sharing this:

>

>Thus spake Dr.Legume:

>

>>You dumbass, that whole Battle thing was MY idea, not Strange's. And it

>>wasnt "centered around a skinny middle-aged guy covered in bubble

>>wrap", it was centered around a whole bunch of folks having FUN.

>

>I have ceased to understand this thread. I mean to say, I am not no HIPPIE

>or pot-smoker or anything, I shave EVERY DAY and I have THREE DIFFERENT

>KINDS OF DEODORANT in my bathroom, but people who come up to lecture me

>about my lecturing them about their lectures about what IS and IS NOT SEX

>and by the way we don't take kindly to the way you DRESS, plus also do you

>have change for a dollar for the copy machine? makes significantly less

>sense to me than some guy coming up to me on the bus and telling me how the

>Orientals are behind it all and how President Nixon ought to throw them out

>on their butts. In German. I understand that you are saying vaguely

>derogatory things about me or that you are telling me that you are so much

>better than me because of a long list 50 items long that starts with

>1) I have sex with a beautiful woman I love every day

>2) I like my penis

>3) I do not now nor have I ever believed in flying saucers, Senator

>4) I own a gun and know how to use it

>....

>and goes all the way down to

>50) and I don't wear any of those damn stupid hats, neither!

>but then I SAY

>1) Yeah but how did you score on the NEGATIVLAND SEX TEST

>2) I do not know much about penises or sex and maybe I am some sort of

>pervert or something but I do not know why it is so much better to put your

>tongue in some girls mouth than to put it in some girls ear because for

>example (e.g.) have you ever heard of someone having bad EAR BREATH or

>taking ear mints? All you have to worry about with ears is ear wax and I

>used to eat my ear wax when I was a kid and it didn't really taste all that

>bad, and I don't know why putting your penis in some girls cunt 3x a day is

>so much better than dressing up in a french maid outfit and sitting in her

>lap for five hours while you watch "Dr Who" or walking around naked on

>stilts in a rainstorm and I am GLAD you like your penis but things are a

>little bit different for me.

 

At this point in the post I started laughing uncontrolably and didn't stop

until my downstairs neighbors (who haven't even moved in yet, ferDobbsake!)

called the fire department and they broke down the door with axes and

started hacking at me to get me to shut up and I only just regenerated to

the point at which I can type again (took a full ten minutes, that did...

usual laughing jags end up with me reforming as quickly as the evil liquid

metal android in T2, but they REALLY did a job on me this time.)

 

All I have to say right now is... I don't CARE whether I have a penis or

not (oh SHIT! Wait... never mind, there they are in the corner... just

haven't found their ways home yet...) at this point as long as I get to keep

reading David Lynch's posts.

 

Yer a good man, spoonhat or no.

 

I'd have to say that if Lynch ever left the church, I'd prob'ly have to turn

in my Dobbsheads too cos there'd just be NO POINT anymore.

 

And that's what I gotta say.

 

My ONLY regret on the planet... OK, scratch that: I'm also upset that my

girlfriend isn't in the hemisphere (another reason I (CURRENTLY!) don't care

about the genitalia presense/absense issue) cos all I have to do is

imagine the sound of her voice and there's a big mess all over the floor

(what with all the blood pumping to where penii still cowering in the corner

in fear of the big men in raincoats with fireaxes should be)... but my only

OTHER regret is that I didn't get Mr. Lynch's excellent X-Day rant (complete

with repeated assertion that the saucers would be an hour late and actually

arrive at 8:00 AM July 5, 1998) on tape.

 

I'll stop typing now and try to lure my cocks back to my crotch.

 

Bye all!

 

StCBtC

(POPE!!!!!)

 

 

From postmaster@warez.phantom.com Sat Aug 01 04:41:40 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Attn: Dr. Legume

From: postmaster@warez.phantom.com (Dr. Derek Robb, Kaiju no Hakase)

Date: 1 Aug 1998 11:41:40 GMT

 

Jahweh Lynch <twgs@whatsthepoint.net> exploded:

 

|2) I do not know much about penises or sex and maybe I am some sort of

|pervert or something but I do not know why it is so much better to put your

|tongue in some girls mouth than to put it in some girls ear because for

|example (e.g.) have you ever heard of someone having bad EAR BREATH or

|taking ear mints?

 

Y'know, this whole thread has been rather ludicrous (erm... as far as the

hat thing goes... err.. subgeniuses ragging on other subgeniuses because

they DRESS FUNNY and ACT WEIRD?), but i have realized that the whole

purpose of the thread was to engineer the fates in such a fashion as to

put the images of BAD EAR BREATH and EAR MINTS IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW.

 

So, i must consider it a Good Thing. End justifying the means and so

forth.

 

And, incidentally, this would signify that the purpose of this thread has

been fulfilled, and may now take its final resting place.

 

--

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I

didn't know.

-- Mark Twain

http://www.tezcat.com/~aieeee .................. http://www.nutmeg.net

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