From w'h'eezerw@newsguy.com Thu Dec 17 13:37:37 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.foot.fat-free

Subject: Re: US be bombing Iraq

From: W'h'eezer G. Wilco <w'h'eezerw@newsguy.com>

Date: 17 Dec 1998 13:37:37 -0800

 

In article <36783b99.524232264@news.lightspan.com>, drv1@concentric.net says...

>

>Get off of your newsreader and get to a radio. It's happening now.

>

>Reverend David Voth

Well, true to form, the sequel is not as good as the original. None of the cast

members from the first campaign are key players in this one, and even with the

plot twist of the presidential scandal, this bombing falls far short of

expectations.

 

With virtually no merchandising whatsoever, the public will have a hard time

without some item to collect or display to endear this stinker to them. I

can only think that they have run out of colors for ribbons, the Burger

King/McDonalds people are too deeply entrenched in Antz/A Bugs Life

(respectively) giveaways, or they are planning on taking the entire war straight

to video in mid-1999. Rumors of a plush "Sodomy Saddam Republican Guard" beanie

doll were apparently unfounded.

 

Many newsgoers that will want to see big-budget explosions from hi-tech cameras

mounted on the tips of the bombs will be sorely disappointed. So far no Iraqis

have yet been taped running screaming from a building just a fraction of a

second too late to be pulped by the sheer pressure of the explosion. Most of

the video has been low-budget shots of tracer rounds fired at decoys over

Baghdad. Personally, I walked in expecting far more from this action. Also,

many who were wanting to get reaquainted with their favorite characters from the

last war, like Secretary of State Baker and the universally celebrated Colin

Powell, will not only miss them, but find them ill replaced by Schwartz and that

"other guy". Most of their labored humor falls embarassingly flat, compounded

by "Look Who Simply Refuses to Shut The Fuck Up Now"'s John Travolta playing a

highly unconvincing President Clinton.

 

In conclusion: If you're going to tune in to only one war during this holiday

bombing season, do not make it this one. The lackluster rewrite by an entirely

different production team fails on many levels to capture the imagination and

inspiration of the greatest country that ever bombed people into dirt (for all

the right reasons).

 

W'h'eezer's Rating: **

 

*________Get's It's Ass Kicked By "America's Wildest Police Chases X"

**_______Not Worth a History Channel Special

***______Don't Deserve a News Graphic****_____They Found Mass Graves Where?

*****____Rawandan Luau and Pit BBQ!

 

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