From email@example.com Mon Jul 20 15:09:10 1998
Subject: Tummy Liberation!!!
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Popess Lilith von Fraumench)
Date: 20 Jul 1998 22:09:10 GMT
OK, I've got something to get off my chest, so to speak....
It's bad enough that many of us suffer from self-esteem problems, ranging from
mild nagging neuroses to soul-crushing hide-in-the-dark-and-wear-muu-muus
benders. But when I hear a SubGenius (male, typically) saying, "You know, she's
kinda cute, but what's with that TUMMY?" I *must* take exception.
Let me point out some painfully obvious facts that many of you have chosen to
ignore, to your peril:
1) Most of those "hot SubGenius babes" that you keep on drooling over have
TUMMIES. They range in sizes from a touch of cute baby fat to majestic
pillowlike paunches suitable for resting cunnilingus-weary heads after they
performed their service. And they're all beautiful, smooth, yielding to the
touch, sensuous, kissable bellies, to an Ueberwoman.
2) Venus de Waldendorf, the oldest sex goddess statue known on earth, has a
bigger belly than ANY SubGenius woman I've yet to meet. Ancestral Yetis carved
that statue to remind us in the future that, no matter how much you might TALK
about how cute a skinny woman is, you'll ALWAYS worship a Yeti woman with a
tummy appropriate to a goddess.
3) If we decided to lose weight so you'd stop bitching about a bit of tummy,
TITS WOULD SHRINK ACROSS THE SUBGENIUS NATION. Indeed, Stang and his ilk would
decry a BOSOM CRISIS. We know how much you boys like yer tittie, so think about
what you'd lose if we women decided to get washboard tummies, and SHUT UP.
I've listened to friends bitterly complain and wail about YOUR STUPID COMMENTS
about our bellies, and it would piss me off to no end--except those of you who
refuse to recognize the grandeur and mystique of the female belly tend also to
be the ones bitching about how little pussy you're getting. If you want to fuck
a Barbie Doll, I'm sure the Conspiracy will gladly take your cash and give
you exactly what you desire--a cold hunk of plastic without a crotch. The rest
of you have no excuse: Next year at Brushwood there will be a line of women who
are proud of their tummies, standing single rank, and the menfolk will take
their turns giving our bellies the homage we demand. No tummy, no Connie. Take
it or just fucking LEAVE.
Tummies Ueber Alles!
|Reverend Doktor Saint Popess| Fools' Press |
| Lilith von Fraumench, Esq. | 1122 E Pike St, #769 |
| Hangnail Of the Stark Fist | Seattle, WA 98122-3934 |
| Sadomasticist At Large | email@example.com |
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