From Wed Sep 02 05:48:53 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack,

Subject: Re: My First Bikini

From: (Modemac)

Date: 2 Sep 1998 12:48:53 GMT (Nully Fydyan) wrote:

>All summer I listened to Brian say, "You should buy a bikini," as I tried

>not to jump from the pool into a big towel and cover up that extra

>flesh.* It's a bit difficult - he seems to like my body a whole lot more

>than I do, and I have still sometimes have trouble believing that it is a

>body that can be sexy and desirable. In fact, it was only his positive

>opinion that finally got me buying even semi-tight clothes. But a

>bikini? Most of the summer I did randomly look around for them, until I

>finally concluded that they don't make them in my size. He was kind of

>disappointed about it, and I was angry, but also not-so-secretly



On my Web site, you can find a picture of me, with my arm around my lovely,

beautiful Queen of the Fucking Universe. (Look under "The First Online

Church of 'Bob' Ministry.") I've met you in person, Nully, so you can know

that I'm not kidding when I say that you're JUST as beautiful as the woman

I love. I'm showing you that picture of us to show you that I'm not



Brian sounds like a cool guy who really knows where his towel is -- but

then, hey, he hangs out with YOU. And you're a woman with good taste in

friends/lovers/otherwise. Brian knows what real beauty is, and he knows

that real beauty doesn't have to come in a size 2.5 pair of Levis jeans

that look as though they've been spray-painted onto toothpick legs.


If they don't make bikinis in your size, then there's a reason for it...and

that reason has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with your body. It's because

bikinis, like 85% of the rest of the products of the fashion industry, are

designed to show off the body in a way so that it will fit into the

Conspiracy's idea of what is supposedly "sexy" -- in other words, skinny as

a rail. It's the same reason why spandex is popular: it lets those fools

who fit the Conspiracy image of "beauty" show off their bodies in a way

that they say "Ha ha -- I'm more beautiful than you are and you're UGLY."

This is what THEY want us all to think.


Brian wants to see you in a bikini not because of what THEY think is

beautiful -- it's because of what he thinks is beautiful. And he knows

that you ARE beautiful, and he wants the whole world to know it!


>*Note to all subgenii who watched me walk around half-naked (or fully naked) in July:

>the world was about to end. Nothing else really mattered.


Hey, girl, here are the very first words you see on Pamphlet #1: "THE WORLD


end! Nothing else really matters!


>***A few days ago when I was facing rapidly plummeting self esteem he asked me

>WHY I think it's "wrong" to be fat. I couldn't answer that one. But I sure can

>tell why it's harder.


This, alas, is the sorry truth of the existence of the Conspiracy. There's

a whole country full of idiots who've been programmed to think that if you

don't look like a fashion magazine cover, you're UGLY. You've got to cover

your ugliness with heavy clothes and equally heavy makeup, because

you're...gasp...FAT. You, and 200 million OTHER women, that is!


You live here in the Harvard Square area, you've seen that poster on the

Body Shop store. "There are 12 women who look like supermodels, and 3.8

billion who don't." Why on Earth should you care what THEY tell you? THEY

also tell you that you have to vote for the candidate who runs the

best-sounding TV commercials. THEY tell you that you have to spend $200 a

week on clothes. THEY tell you what movies are "good," what people you're

supposed to like and dislike, and why you should ignore and trample those

less fortunate than you.


And people say the Conspiracy doesn't exist!


So who gives a pair of fetid dingo's kidneys what THEY think? Brian knows

where he's coming from, and he knows a lovely, beautiful body when he sees

one. Namely, YOURS. (And why not turn the tables on him by getting HIM to

wear something that YOU want to see him in?)


But hey -- this little rant is coming from a SubGenius! I guess it must

only be a joke. After all, those dumb SubGenii never get SERIOUS about they?



Reverend Modemac (

First Online Church of ?