From email@example.com Thu Jul 30 11:09:52 1998
Subject: Stupid NENSLO contest WINNER
From: NENSLO <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1998 18:09:52 GMT
Congratulations! We have a WINNER in the Stupid gift from NENSLO
contest! As you may recall, I demanded that all entries be short, to
the point, and not CUTE, SILLY OR STUPID! Sadly, some of the entrants,
(MOSTLY THE CHICKS) could not resist being cute and therefore became
INSTANT LOSERS!!! First, here are some runners up:
"Dr. Derek Robb" wrote in part:
3. I'd probably never want to wear it.
So, you know that if it is sent to me, it will be GUARENTEED to go to
waste and not recieve the enjoyment someone probably thinks it deserves.
TO BAD ABOUT MISSPELLING "GUARANTEED" there, DR.!! YOU LOSE.
You should award the swag to me because I am your best
friend in the whole world. I will come to your defense in
any matter. I think that everyone should try to be more like
you, and if they can't, they should just kill themselves.
FLATTERING, BUT STILL A LOSER!!
I want the shirt and you don't.
You really WANT that stupid shirt? YOU LOSE!!!
Jahweh D. Lynch wrote:
I don't want the damn shirt.
Then, though technically a LOSER in this contest, you are a WINNER
because you aren't getting it.
FIRST RUNNER-UP Rev Randon The Other wrote:
I will pay you ONE DOLLAR for the free t-shirt.
CLOSE, REAL CLOSE TO A WINNING IDEA BUT BEAT OUT BY OUR WINNER,
"Jacques Treatment" who wrote:
The reason you should send the t-shirt to me is simple: I wrote the
criteria for this contest. Admittedly, you wrote the basic guidelines,
but I determined how it was to be judged--without this, no contest is
As such, it is only natural that I win, because I am the only one who
knows the criteria and thus write to its specifications. I am
specifically withholding this from you, as well, since without them,
there is no way you can possibly judge somebody else' work better than
my own. Send me the damned T-Shirt, or something like it.
THERE IS NO WAY TO ARGUE WITH THAT KIND OF LOGIC!!!! Jacques Treatment
is a WINNER in the FREE STUPID T-SHIRT GIVAWAY CONTEST!!!!!! Although
actually it is HE who will decide who the winner is, I have little doubt
as to his choice. The free stupid t-shirt will be mailed whenever I get
around to it. In the next week or so I guess.
Thanks to our winner and runner up and TOUGH SHIT TO ALL YOU LOSERS,
ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO ARE SUCH LOSERS THEY DIDN'T EVEN ENTER. You all