From Bob_Chapman@brown.edu Mon Jul 06 08:42:57 1998
Subject: I AM A CLONE
From: Bob_Chapman@brown.edu (Crazy Bob)
Date: 6 Jul 1998 15:42:57 GMT
The rest of you really haven't figured it out have you? Maybe it's
because I'm the only one who got an incomplete memory wipe... CLONES!
We're all clones! Our true selves ARE on the saucers, just with these
memory implants it SEEMS like X-Day was a wash. It was Ivan Stang's CLONE
who got tarred and feathered and thrown in the lake, and taunted with
chants of "triple back" and "class action"!
They made a clone of StCrazyBob, extracted his memory, erased it after
the moment of rupture, and beamed it back in time to precisely the moment
after the Rupture... and I AM THAT CLONE!
How do I know this? I think it must have been because the original StCB
didn't get the KoolAid they were passing around or something, or maybe
just a one-in-a-few-thousand fuckup by the Xists... I REMEMBER, children,
the countdown (begging someone for that KoolAid to no avail) and I
closed... sorry, it gets confusing sometimes being a clone... HE closed
HIS eyes, shouted "Fuck'em If They Can't Take A Joke!" and waited to be
transported up to the saucer.
He FELT, rather than saw, a cascade of purple light washing over him, and
opened his eyes to...
Well, the memory is faded even if it didn't get totally wiped. I still
don't UNDERSTAND Perfect Slack, but any lingering doubts as to its
possibility are gone. The memory is faded, dreamlike, and what I can
remember I can't even BEGIN to describe, I don't even know where to start
or how to put it into words.
The memory glitch only lasts a few milliseconds (the Xists aren't THAT
careless) but in that time I experienced more Slack than CrazyBob
remembers having experienced in his whole life. He sure got his money's
worth, no doubt about that, but now there's me, the poor expendable
clone, implanted with his often embarrasing memories and given all his
material possessions and set on this mudball to carve out a Slackful
existence while he enjoys the fruits of his foresight.
Hell, I *remember* paying my thirty dollars, even if it wasn't actually
I can only imagine that for some inscrutable reason the destruction of
this planet and its pinks has been cancelled or postponed indefinately...
I suppose even Legume and Joe Mama and their Holocaustals couldn't tear
themselves away from Perfect Slack long enough to arm a neutrino cannon.
The Xists ARE among us. All us clones must be a safety measure so that
people don't suspect they are here. What happens when they find out I'm
spreading the truth? As a clone, I may well be expendable... or maybe if
I vanished that would just arouse suspicions so they'll let me rant on in
hopes that people will think it's just a new shtick...
What happens when the Xists finally DO decide to take over, though? Will
all us clones be given our Slack, or will we become expendible? Maybe the
clones can form an underground anti-Xists resistance and FIGHT the Xists
and our FORMER SELVES for control of this planet!
Great Dobbs! We HAVE the Yeti genes, but so do THEY, plus all the Xist
technology! We'll have to RAISE AN ARMY of heretofore latent Subs to
bolster our ranks! We'll have to get EVERY latent Sub on our side! Even
Bobbies (they can be cannon fodder, and their money is still green to BUY
BEYOND THAT we must confuse our enemies! If it is to be war, our former
selves know us as well as we know themselves, so we must CHANGE! I may be
a clone of this CrazyBob character, I might have all of his weaknesses
and failings, but I am NOT HIM! I have a chance to make this CrazyBob
everything he should have been but was too CHICKEN or LAZY or WHATEVER
HIS EXCUSE WAS!!! I can expand on all of his positive qualities and
stamp out his lamenesses until I have enough SLACK to beat the tar out
of my former self in an unfair fight!!! It is imperative that we improve
over our former selves! That we drive up membership! That we GET MORE
SLACK! That we cultivate our inner Yeti in a way that THEY never did!
That we show those manipulative sons of bitches JUST WHAT AN ARMY OF
CLONES CAN DO!!!
It may not seem like it, but X-day was a new start! This is a new
struggle... well, it's the same struggle really but the REASONS ARE
DIFFERENT! We have a chance to make our former selves JEALOUS! To show
them, while they're enjoying their Perfect Slack (becoming decadent and
weak so that we may defeat them), just HOW MUCH SLACK THEY WERE MISSING
HERE ON EARTH!
Go forth, brother clones! Go forth and BE PINK NO MORE!
or KILL ME!!!