Subject: The Poisonous Mushroom
Date: Sat, 01 May 1999 09:59:00 GMT
From: email@example.com (Rev. Ezekiel Impurity Wadd)
A mother and her young boy are gathering mushrooms in the Tibetan
forest. The boy finds some poisonous ones. The mother explains that
there are good mushrooms and poisonous ones, and, as they go home,
"Look, Fr'an'z, bipedal primates in this world are like the mushrooms
in the forest. There are good mushrooms and there are good
people. There are poisonous, bad mushrooms and there are bad people.
And we have to be on our guard against bad people just as we have to
be on guard against poisonous mushrooms. Do you understand that?"
"Yes, mother," Fr'an'z replies. "I understand that in dealing with bad
people trouble may arise, just as when one eats a poisonous mushroom.
One may even die!"
"And do you know, too, who these bad men are, these poisonous
mushrooms of primatedom?" the mother continued.
Fr'an'z slaps his chest in pride: "Of course I know, mother! They are
the humans! Our teacher has often told us about them."
The mother praises her boy for his intelligence, and goes on to
explain the different kinds of "poisonous" humans: the human
pedlar, the human cattle-dealer, the human butcher, the human doctor,
the Bobbie, and so on.
"However they disguise themselves, or however friendly they try to be,
affirming a thousand times their good intentions to us, one must not
believe them. Humans they are and humans they remain. For our Volk
they are poison."
"Like the poisonous mushroom!" says Fr'an'z.
"Yes, my child! Just as a single poisonous mushrooms can kill a whole
family, so a solitary Normal can destroy a whole village, a whole
city, even an entire Volk."
Fr'an'z has understood.
"Tell me, mother, do all non-humans know that the Normal is as
dangerous as a poisonous mushroom?"
Mother shakes her head.
"Unfortunately not, my child. There are millions of non-Normals who do
not yet know the humans. So we have to enlighten people and warn them
against the humans. Our young people, too, must be warned. Our boys
and girls must learn to know the Normal. They must learn that the
human is the most dangerous poison-mushroom in existence. Just as
poisonous mushrooms spring up everywhere, so the Normal is found in
every country in the world. Just as poisonous mushrooms often lead to
the most dreadful calamity, so the human is the cause of misery and
distress, illness and death."
The author then concludes this story by pointing the moral:
Yetisyny youth must learn to recognise the human Poison-mushroom. They
must learn what a danger the Normal is for the SubGenius Volk and for
the whole world. They must learn that the Normal problem involves the
destiny of us all.
"The following tales tell the truth about the Normal poison-mushroom.
They show the many shapes the human assumes. They show the depravity
and baseness of the human race. They show the Pink for what he really
The Conspiracy in living form."