Subject: The Right To Squalor

Date: 20 Feb 1999 00:00:00 GMT

From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)

Organization: PARTS

Newsgroups: alt.friday

 

I again see in my local newspaper a breathless account of police looking

for a suspect and instead encountering a "horror house" where children,

adults and the elderly live in feces-slathered obscurity and misery. In

other words, they're poor and messy.

 

Only a few weeks ago, a similiar story was told of a local family, and when

the welfare workers in charge of the "case" were questioned as to how

"they" could let this family live like they, they replied that the family

had deceived them. Living in a two-story home, they had cleverly kept the

top floor immaculate and said that they lived there, while actually living

in the pigsty on the first floor.

 

This makes you wonder why they didn't keep the first floor clean as well,

but no matter. The burgeoning cries of "Child welfare! Child welfare!"

leads me to envision the most horrible scourge of Pinkness imaginable: the

Neatness Patrol.

 

Picture them: a squad of Pinkly police with shotguns over one shoulder and

mops over the other, going from house to house to make sure that it's

"decent" for the "children." Cub Scout leadrs who are allowed to use

lethal force! If the poor person/people protest that they have no

children, udoubtedly they will check to make sure of the welfare of the

"elderly" or the "pets" or the "handicapped" or the left-handed, or the

colorblind, or whatever other group they choose.

 

I presume that in the beginning, these squads will sweep mainly the

ghettos, the desperately poor neighborhoods. But then will come the story

of the middle-class family who NEVER picked up their children's toys and

left a bag of garbage sitting on the back porch for almost a WEEK and the

squads will have to spread the range of their investigations.

Of course, these programs will be covered by dutiful video-camera-bearing

guardians of morals, who will selflessly expose the uncleanliness of

mankind while making smashing ratings.

 

And you - yes YOU there. How long his this cardboard box been sitting here

in the hallway? When was the last time you washed the cat? The underside

of this carpet is FILTHY! I'm sorry, we can't let you live here, you

clearly can't take care of yourself.

 

Here you go - your new home. It's a round porcelain cell, with no corners

to hurt yourself in. It has a little lid we can lift off so that we can

keep track of you.

 

And humanity will be confined in the toilet.

 

--

"All they ever did was clutch and fly and tickle; that was the way of

night-gaunts."

- The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath, H.P. Lovecraft