Lips In Slack Service (Language Warning)

Author:Keith Sullivan <>






Jim Vandewalker <> wrote:


> Was it a little piece of paper extruded from the gas pump? Was it one


> those "pay at the pump" places where you can get gas and NOT HAVE TO

> INTERACT with the pobucker [or pobuckress] behind the counter? WAS IT




I love that kind of Gas Station where you stick your credit card in the

pump and avoid interacting with the gas station attendants. Having been

a pump monkey myself at one point I can say that these are people one

might wish to avoid. Anyhoo I was driving down I-81 and stopped for gas

in that little sliver of West Virginia where all the speed traps are. I

went to use the machine and kept getting all these bizarre error

messages. So I go inside and ask the pobuckrette inside what's going

on. She says wait. About four minutes later a cop arrives and comes in

and starts asking me questions. Tells me he's gonna arrest me for using

a stolen credit card. I empty out my pockets and show him: a passport,

a state I.D., three other credit cards, and my faculty ID. He concedes

that I might be me but says that the credit card company has reported

the card stolen and that I gotta come with him down to the station and

clear it up. Just as I'm about to press the secret button to call in

the B'nai B'rith rescue commandos another customer pulls up and tries to

use their charge card and gets the same result I did. Whereupon the

Pobuckrette behind the counter comments on the fact that every single

credit card used at the station that evening was stolen. This seems to

seep into the skull of the West Virginia cop and he agrees to call the

number on the back of my credit card to see if it's really stolen. It

wasn't. What had happened was that the police and the credit card

companies had worked out a sting with the gas station to catch stolen

credit card users by having ALL charges (not just those over $40.00)

checked. But the Pobuckers at the gas station fucked it all up and

simply DISCONNECTED the computer hookup and then went on to confuse said

error message with a stolen card report. I was allowed to go with a

warning from the cop: "Don't think you're getting away with anything."

As I walked out of the station I heard the cop talking to the station on

his car radio explaining that those folks down in the local pokey ought

to be let go. BTW this was on New Years Eve.


Redneck Moron Fucks, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.