Subject: FoodPorn 1

Date: 19 Apr 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: (Rev. Jack)

Organization: the Minivan Clench

Newsgroups: alt.slack



Subject: vegetables as aphrodisiacs. April 19, 1996.



Folks, this is about vegetables as aphrodisiacs.





Vegetables as Aphrodisiacs


Q: Which of the fruits and vegetables are best to stimulate the sexual libido of my spouse?


A: ASPARAGUS: The ancient Greeks first discovered the aphrodisiacal powers of asparagus. Asparagus is eaten usually after steaming and dipping into a sauce of melted butter or processed cheese. [Ancient Greeks invented processed cheese - RJ] Make sure you only choose the tender young shoots of asparagus since the tougher, older ones have the opposite affect to what you are trying to achieve.


BANANAS: The sexually stimulating powers of the banana are thrown away with

the peel. The white pithy substance under the skin contains the same

hallucinogen found in magic mushrooms. You can collect this by scraping it

with a spoon before disposing of the peel. To make an appetizing aphrodisiacal meal, serve baked bananas and mix the juices with the scrapings. Flavor this dish with a little orange juice or a lot of rum.


ONIONS: Most cultures have long appreciated the revitalizing powers of the

onion. Egyptians banned their celibate priests from eating onions because of

the potential outcome. The French used to take onion soup to newlyweds after

their wedding night to revive their libido.



RJ A little Old Bay wouldn't hurt, either.





Subject: Re: FoodPorn 1

Date: 22 Apr 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: (TarlaStar)

Organization: Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1



I'm not sure if this qualifies as food porn or not, but it certainly

is Slack. Last month I wrote a restaurant review for a place in Noble,

Okla called, Kendall's. It's a nice place, good service, and it boasts

the biggest chicken fry I've ever seen. So, I do the review. This

means I get a free meal for me and my guest (usually the Bearded Guy),

and I get paid to write the article. So, today I get the mail and

there's a letter from Kendall's. It seems that they loved my review,

think my shit don't stink AND they sent me a gift certificate for 20

smokes to say thanks. Now fuck me if that isn't SLACK!


***Reverend Mutha Tarla Star***

As long as men keep thinking with their dicks,

women will keep fucking with their heads.





Subject: Re: FoodPorn 1

Date: 20 Apr 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: (TarlaStar)

Organization: Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 (Rev. Jack) wrote:



>Fish/veg mix: suffer (this is the essential stuff from a recent



We started our meal with a cocktail. My companion tried the Rogue

Golden Beer from Oregon, while despite the excellent wine list, I

tried the house Chardonnay. It was pleasantly dry with a light citrus

aftertaste. I also sampled the Lindeman's Bin 95 Sauvignon Blanc from

Australia, a smoothly soft wine with complex layers of flavoring.

While we were enjoying our drinks, the Sweet Potato Pot Stickers

arrived. These steamed Asian pastries were filled with a puree of

sweet potato flavored with onion and other seasonings. I was sorely

tempted by the Orange-jalapeno smoked Salmon, but I wanted to leave

room to enjoy both mine and my companion's entrees. They smoke the

salmon in-house and it's cut into thick fingers of fish.

Our salads arrived, a caesar for my date and a mixed green salad

with gorgonzola cream dressing for me. The salads were accompanied by

Tuscan bread, a spicy loaf seasoned with rosemary and black pepper. It

was like biting into a warm sausage roll. We devoured it entirely.

For our entrees we chose the Grilled Sea Bass with Banana butter

and lime for my date, and I had the Balsamic Marinated 1/2 roast

Chicken with grilled onions. Both entrees were served with a couscous


stuffed broiled tomato. The fish was moist and flaky with just a hint

of sweetness in the buttery topping, the chicken was outstanding! It

was so intensely flavored that it was almost beefy in its depth. The

dark vinegar creates a deep rich glaze that covers the chicken and

penetrates the meat throughout.


(and for dessert)

The Grilled Bananas with Orange-Mango sauce was

my companion's favorite. He pronounced it "simple, tasty, and

something you can actually eat even when you're full." I had a hard

time choosing between the Old Fashioned Bread Pudding with chocolate

chips and dried cranberries and the Kahlua-chocolate pate in raspberry

sauce. The tartness of the cranberries, balances the sweetness of the

chocolate perfectly. On the other hand, the pate melts in your mouth

so sensuously that you feel almost no guilt at the sheer numbers of

raspberries who gave their lives for that sauce.


( I get to eat like this and get paid to write about it...Jack, aren't

you GLAD you quit yer job fer "Bob?" I know *I* am!)


***Reverend Mutha Tarla Star***

As long as men keep thinking with their dicks,

women will keep fucking with their heads.