Subject: da bomb
Date: 25 Dec 1998 00:00:00 GMT
From: email@example.com (the schmoo)
Reposted from Alt.Clinton.Argue.About.The.Same.Shit.Over.and.Over or
Written By Anonymous.
Flame me for my whatever twisted insensitivity caused me to find this
amusing, and toss it out here, if you like. Honk.
CHOCOLATE CITY--In an address before an emergency session of
Parliament Monday, George Clinton said he is prepared to drop Da
Bomb on Iraq if Saddam Hussein does not loosen up and comply with
U.N. weapons inspectors by the Clinton-imposed deadline of March 1.
"For Saddam Hussein to refuse to let U.N. officials inspect
Iraqi weapons facilities as per the terms of Iraq's 1991 Gulf War
surrender is decidedly unfunky of him," Clinton said. "While the
decision to drop Da Bomb is never an easy one, unless Saddam gets
down with this whole U.N.-inspection thang and seriously refunkatizes
his stance by March 1, we will have no choice but to be tearin' da
the roof off Baghdad."
Preparations for the military strike, dubbed Operation
Supergroovalisticposifunkstication Storm, are already underway.
The Mothership is ready and on standby at Starchild Air Force Base in
Detroit, where more than 5,000 bop gunners are making final
preparations for deployment to the Persian Gulf. Clinton has also
ordered an additional 2,500 Aquaboogie Amphibious Assault units to the
Gulf, bringing the total P-Funk Nation military presence in the region
According to General William "Bootsy" Collins, the primary goal
of the ground assault is to breach Hussein's presidential palace,
capture the Iraqi leader, and "put some serious funk in his trunks."
Collins acknowledged that the mission would not be easy.
"Saddam's palace is heavily fortified. In the front, it's
protected by several dozen towers manned with armed guards,
and in the back, there's a 500-foot high hump--so high you can't
get over it and so wide you can't get around it," Collins said.
"Having our men attempt to attack from the front would be suicide:
If we are to have any chance of entering the palace and funkatizing
Saddam, we've got to try to get over the hump. After all, if you want
to capture a boogie, you've got to attack from the back."
Despite the difficulty of the task ahead, troop morale is high.
"As a soldier in the army of Uncle Jam, I have pledged my full
groovallegiance to Commander-In-Chief Clinton,"
said Lieutenant Bernie Worrell of the army's elite 72nd
Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squadron.
"I am fully prepared to give up my life for the funk. To the rear...
"Executing political adversaries, shunning foreigners, condemning
America as 'The Great Satan'--that Saddam is one uptight cat,"
Mothership captain Eddie Hazel said. "For too long, he has ruled Iraq
with neither a glide in his stride nor a dip in his hip. At this
point, our only remaining option is to drop a serious funk bomb on
Clinton's ultimatum before Parliament was met with high praise
from numerous top-ranking Chocolate City officials, including
Secretary of Education Richard Pryor, Secretary of Fine Arts Stevie
Wonder and First Lady Aretha Franklin.
"The effects of dropping this 50,000-megafunk
bomb on a heavily populated city like Baghdad will
be devastating," said Linda Sue Strelczyk, president
of Suburbanites Against Da Bomb. "At ground zero,
the explosion will give off a horrific, blinding
flash-light, causing untold millions to get totally freaky."
Responding to the anti-Bomb protests among the unfunky,
Clinton made an impassioned plea for unity.
"In times of crisis such as this, we must stand united, not
divided," Clinton said. "We must join together as one nation under a
groove, getting down just for the funk of it."