Subject: gifts

Date: 12 Sep 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: "Dr. Hieronymous Zinn" <>

Organization: CampusMCI

Newsgroups: alt.slack



There once was a god...

Dr. Hieronymous Zinn


There once was a god...

who saw a nasty little planet filled with retchid

little people. He (or It, really), decided to give

the nasty little scumbags a really nice gift.

Just because It was a nice god.

Since the planet already had the resources to

give all a prosperous life, this god decided to

counterfeit a large amount of money to give to the

people (but not large enough to cause inflation,

which was already at a staggering 1.5%)

Its first idea was to give the money to the poor.

So having done so, It was amazed that pretty damn

soon--the poor were poor again. Not that they stopped

their damn bitching about it, mostly directed at the

god who gave them the gift in the first place.

"Aha," said the god to Itself, "the poor do not

have experience with money, so they do not know how

to keep it!

I will do this again, but to someone who will

appreciate it, and thank Me for their largess."

So It gave money to the wealthy.

But for the wealthy, who already had enough money,

the effect was marginal, as was their response to

the god. "Yeah, thanks, right, whatever" they said,

before asking if the god also gave gifts of a long

life, good health and better sex?

The god took one look, then decided that It wouldn't

even bother giving the gift to the middle classes,

which was the best idea It had had all day.

So the god took a little time out in Its corner of

the universe to figure it all out...


"Aha!" It said, finally, "I've got it! The problem

was not with my giving a gift to these people--the

problem was my expectation for getting something, even

recognition, BACK from these people!"


So the god just sprinkled money down on the planet,

not caring if It got anything back in return. Of course,

most of the money fell in the oceans and other unoccupied

places, where it was lost. Of the money left, some was

found by the poor, some by the rich, and some *shudder*

even by the middle classes.


Which, of course, drove the inflation rate to over 6%,

making the money worthless, anyway.


But the god was happy to go Its own way, having done

Its good deed for the megallinium.



Giving a gift with expectation of return sucks.

This is why Christmas sucks.