Subject: Eternal Life

Date: 17 Feb 1999 00:00:00 GMT

From: atruwe@shoggoth.uoregon.edu

Organization: The Nicest of the Damned

Newsgroups: alt.freaks, alt.slack.devo, alt.foot.fat-free

 

http://www.alexchiu.com/

 

I ordered a set of Eternal Life Devices a couple of weeks ago, for more

or less the same reason I tend to give money to Public Television and

register most shareware.

 

They've arrived in wonderful shape, despite each one being two pieces of

cardboard, each with a magnet taped to it, then taped into a rectangle.

Since I started wearing them according to instructions, I have not aged

visibly. However, it has only been three days. I'll get back to you on

this when I'm 120.

 

The rings also came with a VERY entertaining pamphlet about how Mr. Chiu

plans to create teleportation devices. If you're familiar with Larry

Gonick's (probably spelt wrong) Cartoon Guide to ____ series as well as

with the writings of the late Dr. Emmanuel Bronner, imagine what would

happen if you mixed them. This would be very similar to Chiu's booklet.

 

I would recommend the Eternal Life Rings to anyone who is easily amused

and overfunded, or who believes that strapping magnets to the

extremities is therapeutic.

 

In a related note, I almost bought some enormous hissing cockroaches,

but realized that I have nowhere in my dorm room to put a terrarium.

They would certainly repel most potential roommates, though. Perhaps a

HabitTrail system hung from the ceiling.

 

Preliminary studies show that my male friends in the Gaming Club would

enjoy owning or visiting giant hissing cockroaches, while standard Pink

females who wander the halls here would be extremely disturbed. It

sounds to me like the perfect way to ensure a single room for the price

of a double.

 

Annnnna

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| <atruwe (at) gladstone.uoregon.edu> | Annna Truwe |alt.slack.devo|

|"I divide people into two groups: Them, and the Others." - CLSmith|

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