Subject: The Clubhouse

Date: 28 Oct 1998 00:00:00 GMT

From: jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker)

Organization:http://extra.newsguy.com

Newsgroups: alt.religion.subgenius, alt.foot.fat-free, alt.skunk

 

 

Jimmy pushed up the trapdoor and put his head through. Tarla and Meg were

sitting against the wall of the treehouse. Lurch and Jack were tying down

the tarpaulin that formed part of the roof.

 

"You didn't let those booger-heads see where the clubhouse is, did you?"

Tarla scowled at him.

 

Meg giggled. "Your hair was sticking up through the trapdoor."

 

Jimmy pulled himself through the trapdoor, sat crosslegged on the floor,

smoothing his hair down with his palm. "There's lots of 'em down by

alt.slack. I seen Billy and they were yellin' at him and he was cryin'"

 

"You better not tell Billy where the secret clubhouse is. He stinks."

Tarla had her knees pulled up under her chin.

 

Meg twisted the ends of her hair around her finger. "Were they still

breakin' stuff at alt.slack? They were throwin' things an' stuff before.

Lil said she was gonna tell. She said one of 'em had a beebee gun and was

gonna get in trouble."

 

"Billy was really cryin'," Jimmy said. "He had snot all over his face and

everything. They were all laughin' at him."

 

"Everybody's always laughin' at Billy," said Jack, pulling a knot tight.

"He's a big cry-baby."

 

"Those booger-heads were shootin' bottles an' breakin' stuff an' Billy was

cryin' an' yellin' that they were shootin' at him. He threw up. It had

green stuff in it." Jimmy rubbed his nose with the back of his hand.

 

"Billy always throws up when people laugh at him," Jack said.

 

"He smells like throw-up," Tarla said. "He better not come up here. Those

booger-heads better not come up here either." She picked at a band-aid on

her knee.

 

"Billy ran all the way over to news.admin.net-abuse.usenet an' started

yellin' and some of the big kids came out and told him to go home." Jimmy

pulled at a loose piece of vinyl tile. "They said they already knew about

the booger-heads breakin' stuff with their beebee gun. Those booger-heads

are gonna get in trouble."

 

"I bet Billy really started cryin' when the big kids told him to go home,"

Jack said. He sat down beside Meg, who scooted away.

 

"He went home an' climbed up on his DejaMountain. He looked real dumb."

Jimmy sailed the piece of tile out the clubhouse window. "I drewed a

picture of him an' left it at alt.binaries.slack and another one at

alt.skunk, but he's too dumb to figure out how to look at binaries. All he

knows how to do is yell."

 

"Did you see Billy's DejaMountain?" Meg asked. "I heard him talking about

it those times. Is it in his yard?"

 

"It's just dumb," Jimmy said. "He's got all these empty DejaNews boxes all

piled up in a big pile, an' he gets up on top of 'em and yells."

 

"Those boxes got left out in the rain an' everything," said Jack. "They're

all soft and squishy and they smell bad."

 

"I bet they smell like throw-up," said Tarla. "That's what Billy smells

like." She stuck her feet straight out in front.

 

"I gotta go do chores," said Lurch.

 

"Are you comin' back tomorrow?" asked Meg.

 

"Yeah, I guess," said Lurch.

 

"I'm gonna walk past alt.slack an' see if the booger-heads are still

there," said Jack.

 

"Don't step in the place where Billy throwed up," said Meg.

 

"C'mon," said Tarla. "Let's play Cyberbimbos."

 

"Aw, you always want to be the head one when we play Cyberbimbos." Meg

said. "I'm gonna go with Jack and walk past alt.slack an' see if the

booger-heads are still there."

 

--

Jim the Prophet

Licensed SubGenius Minister

 

 

 

Subject: Re: The Clubhouse

Date: 30 Oct 1998 00:00:00 GMT

From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

Organization: Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy

Newsgroups: alt.religion.subgenius, alt.foot.fat-free, alt.skunk

References: 1

 

 

jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker) wrote:

<snip>

 

You must have a very happy wife, Jim.

 

*****

"We gutted surrealism a long time ago, and stitched the

salvageable parts onto the ass end of Dada. It's not pretty,

but it makes a hell of a tampon." -- T.Gibson

*****

 

 

Subject: Re: The Clubhouse

Date: 30 Oct 1998 00:00:00 GMT

From: st_k@my-dejanews.com

Organization: Deja News - The Leader in Internet Discussion

Newsgroups: alt.religion.subgenius, alt.foot.fat-free, alt.skunk

References: 1

 

 

In article <jimvan-ya023080002810981542180001@news.newsguy.com>,

jimvan@gate.net (Jim Vandewalker) wrote:

> Jimmy pushed up the trapdoor and put his head through. Tarla and Meg were

> sitting against the wall of the treehouse. Lurch and Jack were tying down

> the tarpaulin that formed part of the roof.

>

> "You didn't let those booger-heads see where the clubhouse is, did you?"

> Tarla scowled at him.

 

St. K followed Jim up the ladder. "Howdy, ya'll," the waterhead squealed in

delight. The girls wrinkled their noses. They thought the drain hose that

carried water from St. K's damaged brain to his sick gut was oogie, and he

was always making hunching motions whenever he looked at them. Really, he

was just a little dull, he never hurt anybody like that Billy.

 

The best thing about K was that he looked kind of like an adult retard

because of his enlarged, deformed head resulting from his hydroenchepaletic

condition. Jack and Jimmy gave him $30 and sent him to the liquor store.

Jack was patient enough to make K repeat the order 10 times to make sure he

had it right.

 

When K got back with the hootch the whole gang got kind of schlitty and

reminisced about their old playground at alt.slack. St. K started crying, but

Lilly made him feel better when she assured him that a bunch of grownups from

the Subgenius Police were going to severly punish the bullies who tore up the

playground at alt.slack. Lilly liked talking about the coming spankings, and

Little K liked listening to it.