<Warning: SPOILER>

 

It all apparently started when a guy named "Norman", who was an OK

guy, met this pipe smoking guy named "Dean". Ol "Dean"'s girlfriend, a

Red-headed Mexican Lesbian Scientologist named "Connie", who was

Madonna's girlfriend in highschool and who, incidently, is credited with

influencing a Major Fashion Craze since she used to wear her Red Panties

on the OUTSIDE of her bluejeans, saw right away that "Norman" had a

six-and-a-half-pound Trout IN HIS PANTS.

 

Welllllll, at the time, "Dean" and "Connie" were raising Vinegarroon for

Chez Noisyland, a popular hangout for 'fropheads who would pick up

alcoholics, get them drunk on Makers Mark, dress them in tutus,

gang-fuck them and then brag about it over an exquisite Brunch. So

"Connie" tells "Norman' that she wants to make a Trout Mask Replica out

of broken ceramics and twenty pounds of grapes, and would he please

pose for her? Please? So they agree to meet in a university studio to

build the armature. On the way there, a deer hit "Connie"'s car,

throwing her into a river where she gashes her head, and she gets

attacked by a drug-crazed teenager with a lame leg from when he broke

it at a concert but never got a cast put on it.

 

In the mean time, "Norman", a Ninja Priest, gets tired of waiting,

grabs a machine gun, and empties several rounds into the studio's

refrigerator and water heater, then decides to drive to Tempe Arizona

to pay a little visit to "Connie"'s 94 year old grandmother, a

mail-order tobacconist...

 

<for the rest, you'll have to go to FLIPSIDE (#115, Nov-Dec.98);

I found it historically accurate, and well written as always>

 

Rev. RtO

Next month: The origins of Gription Clench