Subject: Prices May Vary

Date: 29 May 1997 00:00:00 GMT

From: "Dr. Hieronymous Zinn" ruthy2425@asu.campus.mci.net

Organization: CampusMCI

Newsgroups: alt.religion.scientology, alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5

 

PRICES MAY VARY

(unauthorized, but profitable)

Dr. Hieronymous Zinn

(see "lenitive.jpg" in a.b.s.)

 

100 Insolences = 1 Lenitive = $5

100 Lenitives = 1 Expurgative = $10

100 Expurgatives = 1 Shirk = $15

100 Shirks = 1 Overindulgence = $20.25

100 Overindulgences = 1 Slack Credit = $25

 

Insolences are used for the remission of minor breaches, such

as:

 

> Cooperation

> Denial

> Idealism

> Humility

> Assassination

 

Lenitives help redeem the unrepentent of the following

trespasses, OR each one may be used instead to end the eternal

fiery and icky torments currently being suffered by a beloved

departed parent or ancestor:

 

> Tackiness

> Fashionable Sadomasochism

> Roller Disco

> Flatulence Retention

> Voting

 

Expurgatives, which are accompanied by The Great Seal of Dobbs

and a colorful ribbon (at a slight additional charge), and ARE

REDEEMABLE for a free large french fries (at participating

restaurants), and will GUARANTEE YOU the paranormal and

superhuman ability to NOT WORK.

 

Shirks, WHICH ALWAYS bear the Great Seal of Dobbs and a

colorful ribbon AT NO ADDITIONAL COST, GUARANTEES you the

eventual promotion to CEO or PRESIDENT of any FORTUNE 500

COMPANY that you choose, or if none are currently available,

re-election to any PUBLIC OFFICE to which you are appointed.

 

OVERINDULGENCES are needed by the vilest of offenders, WHO

HAVE ALREADY BEEN CONDEMNED TO THE SLACKLESS VOID, and suffer

unceasing demands and torment from employer, friends and

family, which keeps them unendingly SLACKLESS. And only

through the purchase of these, which may occasionally be

SIGNED BY THE HIGH EPOPT HIMSELF, may they avoid the cruel

fate that is in store for them. AND AS A SPECIAL BONUS we

will include a LAMINATED GENUINE OFFICIAL ALL-INCLUSIVE,

DIVINE EXCUSE AND X-DAY PASS, to insure that they are not left

behind to suffer the same horrible, awful, painful demise as

their employer, friends and family.

*********

 

 

> "Golly," thought Marcie, "I wonder what a leather is?"

> just having read in her romance novel that, 'The rebuffed

> and frustrated Baron Siegfried had departed her bedchamber

> when, in a passionate rage, he tore his leather jerkin off.'

 

-Dr. Zinn, from the novel