Subject: Alt.Slack still not showing signs of mental activity
Date: 03 Mar 1996 00:00:00 GMT
From: email@example.com (gggor)
ALT.SLACK STILL SHOWING NO SIGN OF INTELLIGENT ACTIVITY
The Internet Alternate News Group is still
exhibiting no sign of intelligent brain activity according to
ORTON NENSLO and other spokespersons for the SubGenius Foundation.
"We thought that once this newsgroup got off the ground
a natural evolutionary process would cause it to exhibit signs
of rational or even irrational thinking; unfortunately this does not
seem to have happened," said SternoDox when contacted via E-mail
in Little Rock.
Even the usually ebullient and upbeat Rev. Ivan Stang
sounded pessimistic. "It's kinda sad really, we had such high hopes
but poor little Alt.Slack never got beyond the brainstem level of
neural activity. We were sure at one time, given the rapidity of
its growth, that it might possibly take over a large portion of the
Usenet Bandwidth, an alternate noosphere. But somewhere along the
way little Alt.Slack's evolution just stalled and a true cybernetic
intelligence never blossomed.
Dr. G.G. Gordon of Greenhelle Biological Research Division
who supervised the study of Alt.Slack was less than happy. "Like
Stang, I also had an optimistic outlook at first, but mutations and
copying errors inthe memetic code were too much and just diluted
any form of complexity. Without this complexity the group never got
beyond the cybernetic equivalent of a comatose mummy. All attempts
from the outside to stimulate the newsgroup into exhibiting some
sort of higher mental activity failed miserably."
Colonel Sphinx Drummond was also sadly disappointed in the
moribund condition of the group. "It's sort of like some kind of
evil growth that gets bigger and bigger but also gets worse and
worse as far as content. It's Gordon's Second Theorem all over
again," he said.
Sternodox and Stang both agreed that the major problem
was too much Bobbie input coupled with the influence of
America Online. "Basically, most of them are just DumbAsses,"
Sterno was overheard to say.
Subject: Re: Alt.Slack still not showing signs of mental activity
Date: 07 Mar 1996 00:00:00 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (gg gordon)
References: 1 , 2 , 3
In article <email@example.com>, firstname.lastname@example.org (Dennis McClain-Furmanski) says:
>On 03-05-96, email@example.com wrote:
> > In article <firstname.lastname@example.org>, email@example.com (gggor) wrote:
>> ALT.SLACK STILL SHOWING NO SIGN OF INTELLIGENT ACTIVITY
> > Yep... looks like the whole idea backfired. Dobbs is NOT gonna be
> > pleased...
>Hooray hooray, pin a bleeding Dobbshead on yer bleeding Dobbsheart..sure
glad we miserable old whining, in-the-way farts have someone like you
to call the shots aaaaah yes, martyrdom...a pipe of frop a jug of wine
and thou, Dynasoar, beside me blithering in the wilderness, ah alt.slack
were paradise enow!
The Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer rose above the sand trap
of the fourth hole and hovered momentarily, a bleeding, glowing fig.
It rotated a full three hundred and sixty degrees as if perusing the
options, the same beatific smile always on its blood-encrusted face.
After a pregnant moment of contemplation, the head drifted
lazily over towards the green at a mean altitude of three hundred feet,
still warm blood falling beneath its path in a fine pinkish mist.
Then, approximately a hundred yards from the cup the head sudeenly
accellerated upwards at an angle of eighty-seven degerees from the
horizon and vanished in a loud flash of blue-white Cerenkov rasiation,
accompanied by a crackling sonic boom.
Every human being within a two thousand yard perimeter received
non-lethal but mutation causing radiation. The true effects were not to
be known for a few years.