Subject: Alt.Slack still not showing signs of mental activity

Date: 03 Mar 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: (gggor)

Organization: Greenehelle

Newsgroups: alt.slack





The Internet Alternate News Group is still

exhibiting no sign of intelligent brain activity according to

ORTON NENSLO and other spokespersons for the SubGenius Foundation.


"We thought that once this newsgroup got off the ground

a natural evolutionary process would cause it to exhibit signs

of rational or even irrational thinking; unfortunately this does not

seem to have happened," said SternoDox when contacted via E-mail

in Little Rock.


Even the usually ebullient and upbeat Rev. Ivan Stang

sounded pessimistic. "It's kinda sad really, we had such high hopes

but poor little Alt.Slack never got beyond the brainstem level of

neural activity. We were sure at one time, given the rapidity of

its growth, that it might possibly take over a large portion of the

Usenet Bandwidth, an alternate noosphere. But somewhere along the

way little Alt.Slack's evolution just stalled and a true cybernetic

intelligence never blossomed.


Dr. G.G. Gordon of Greenhelle Biological Research Division

who supervised the study of Alt.Slack was less than happy. "Like

Stang, I also had an optimistic outlook at first, but mutations and

copying errors inthe memetic code were too much and just diluted

any form of complexity. Without this complexity the group never got

beyond the cybernetic equivalent of a comatose mummy. All attempts

from the outside to stimulate the newsgroup into exhibiting some

sort of higher mental activity failed miserably."


Colonel Sphinx Drummond was also sadly disappointed in the

moribund condition of the group. "It's sort of like some kind of

evil growth that gets bigger and bigger but also gets worse and

worse as far as content. It's Gordon's Second Theorem all over

again," he said.


Sternodox and Stang both agreed that the major problem

was too much Bobbie input coupled with the influence of

America Online. "Basically, most of them are just DumbAsses,"

Sterno was overheard to say.




Subject: Re: Alt.Slack still not showing signs of mental activity

Date: 07 Mar 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: (gg gordon)

Organization: Greenehelle

Newsgroups: alt.slack

References: 1 , 2 , 3



In article <4hlvpu$>, (Dennis McClain-Furmanski) says:


>On 03-05-96, wrote:


> > In article <4hb830$>, (gggor) wrote:




> > Yep... looks like the whole idea backfired. Dobbs is NOT gonna be

> > pleased...


>Fuck Dobbs.

>Hooray hooray, pin a bleeding Dobbshead on yer bleeding Dobbsheart..sure

glad we miserable old whining, in-the-way farts have someone like you

to call the shots aaaaah yes, martyrdom...a pipe of frop a jug of wine

and thou, Dynasoar, beside me blithering in the wilderness, ah alt.slack

were paradise enow!


The Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer rose above the sand trap

of the fourth hole and hovered momentarily, a bleeding, glowing fig.

It rotated a full three hundred and sixty degrees as if perusing the

options, the same beatific smile always on its blood-encrusted face.

After a pregnant moment of contemplation, the head drifted

lazily over towards the green at a mean altitude of three hundred feet,

still warm blood falling beneath its path in a fine pinkish mist.


Then, approximately a hundred yards from the cup the head sudeenly

accellerated upwards at an angle of eighty-seven degerees from the

horizon and vanished in a loud flash of blue-white Cerenkov rasiation,

accompanied by a crackling sonic boom.


Every human being within a two thousand yard perimeter received

non-lethal but mutation causing radiation. The true effects were not to

be known for a few years.