Subject: Re: CHURCH of the SUB-GRUBOR & NENSLO

Date: 18 Jun 1996 00:00:00 GMT

From: dynasor@infi.net (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

Organization: InfiNet

Newsgroups: soc.culture.usenet, misc.activism.cannabis, alt.wired, alt.internet.media-coverage, alt.drugs.pot, alt.drugs,

rec.drugs.cannabis, soc.culture.usa, alt.society.neutopia, talk.politics.drugs, alt.slack, alt.cyberspace,

References: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4

DrJohnG (manus@manus.org) wrote:

Hey, John, you got the balls for this? It's only a half hour east of Erie.

Let's see, what excuse will he use? They won't let him in the bus station

anymore?

X-DAY IS A-COMIN'!!

X-DAY END O' THE WORLD DRILL #1

BRUSHWOOD FOLKLORE CENTER -- SHERMAN, NY -- X-DAY 1996!!

JULY 5 through 7

"...a LITTLE TASTE of DOBBSTOWN!!!"

There are only TWO YEARS LEFT -- TWO MORE JULY 5ths before we KISS ALL

CALENDARS GOODBYE! (SEE "X-DAY COUNTDOWN") This gives us just barely

enough time to PREPARE... by gathering together all the tribes and phyles

of SubGeniusdom for a VAST, YEARLY DOKSTOK-LIKE FREE-FOR ALL OUTDOOR

SLACK-FEST at THE COOLEST CAMPGROUND IN THE UNITED STATES!

BRUSHWOOD is just outside the village of Sherman in southwestern New York

state, an hour from the Eerie airport and about 2.5 hours' drive from

Cleveland or Buffalo. This is the site of the infamous Starwood neopagan

gatherings -- 180 lush acres of rolling hills and majestic woodlands, with

indoor hot showers, flush toilets, a roofed swimming pool and hot-tub

area, a giant tent for holding tent-show devivals, and enough electrical

power to keep TEN THOUSAND DOKTORBANDS CRANKING OUT THE HITS USING ALL

THEIR EQUIPMENT, WHILE BREATHING CHURCH AIR, AND PERFORMING NASAL SEX,

STARK NAKED, RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY, ALL NIGHT LONG!! That's

right, you can REALLY LET YOUR TRUE YETI NOSE HAIR DOWN at THIS little

campground! (It's "clothing optional"! SEE "The Swingin' Meat Jesus!")

It'll scare the shit out of the norm-worms and PROBABLY US TOO!!

But this isn't the sleazy poebucker set-up that The Pink Inside You fears.

Brushwood is COMFORTABLE. The situation is SECURE. We will have our OWN

"police." The folks who run the site, and the town nearby, have been doing

this for YEARS with the PAGANS, and are COOL with "BOB"! THIS IS THE

PERFECT PLACE to PRACTICE and DRILL for the UTTER MOUTH-WATERING SLACK

we'll have to undergo come 1998!! NONE MAY STOP US -- and NONE MAY ESCAPE

ONCE THE GATE CLOSES!!

This isn't a "maybe," nor one of those "if there are enough people;" we've

already got the site reserved; IT WILL HAPPEN!!! The SubGenius contingent

of Cleveland's A.C.E., who have run Starwood successfully for 13 years,

will be there to help make your visit the INSANE, UNFORGETTABLE,

NERVOUS-SYSTEM-RAPING EXPERIENCE that it SHOULD be... and to help us FREAK

OUT the STUFFED-SHIRT "RESERVED" SUBGENII until THEY TOO JOIN THE "ORGY"!

THIS IS IT! This is where things start getting REALLY REAL! You'll notice

we haven't mentioned any PREACHERS, BANDS or "SHOWS" yet. That's because

those things will be YOU on X-Day!!! You wanna RANT?? Get up there and

RANT! Audition for the next Slack Crusade Tour! You wanna show off your

COOL SHIT?? The stage is YOURS. You want to get SO DRUNK that you waddle

around with your pants around your ankles, drooling, before toppling over

into the pond? THIS IS THE TIME AND THE PLACE FOR IT!! WE aren't gonna

plan a GOD DAMNED THING!!

The ONLY RULE is... DON'T SULLY ANYBODY ELSE'S SLACK. (NOTE: even FAKE

guns and rocket launchers are highly illegal in NY.) If you fuck up or

piss us off, we won't hesitate to have you physically thrown out by big

burly S.L.A.K. Squad goons and/or THE MAN.

CLENCH SHUT YOUR EYES AND STRUGGLE WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT, TREMBLING AND

SHAKING, SWEAT POURING OFF YOU, TO TRY TO IMAGINE....

SAUCERS WILL SCREAM OVERHEAD! GREYS will SKULK in the BUSHES! ACTUAL LIVE

YETIS will MATERIALIZE by YOUR CAMPFIRE! YOU'LL FINALLY MEET YOUR TRUE

YETI MATE AND FUCK WILDLY IN THE BUSHES! YOU WILL BECOME YOUR OWN HERO!!

YOU WILL MEET FRIENDS FOR LIFE WHO WILL GET YOU RICH WITHOUT WORKING!!

And it won't just be a raggedy bunch of SubGeniuses wandering around --

it'll be NAKED PAGAN WITCH CHICKS and STUDLY FROPMEISTERS DANCING NAKED

AROUND HUGE BONFIRES (which happens pretty much every other weekend at

Brushwood, ANYWAY). You will see and experience things that may SHOCK

you... that may even PERMANENTLY TRAUMATIZE and SCAR you. That's OKAY.

It's all part of Dobbs' UNDERPLAN.

It's a SubGENIUS X-Day DRILL party! You bring the self igniting Bobbies

and I'll bring the binoculars! OK, you bring the candy warheads and I'll

bring the real ones! OK, you bring the pipe cleaners and I'll bring the

cornstarch! OK, you bring the great big wooden cross and I'll bring the

Hill of Skulls! You bring the Messiah and I'll bring the nails! You bring

the pit bulls and I'll bring the pit! You bring the soda pop and I'll

bring the tactical nuclear weapons! You bring the Greys and I'll bring the

bug spray!

WE WILL SUMMON THE XISTS!!!!

("What's this "X-Day" bizness? What the hell are you people TALKING

about," you ask. Try our doctrinally-correct ANSWER from SubGenius

Pamphlet #1 -- or, DEEPER INFO on the ins and outs of our Liberation Day!

Or, TOUCH THESE MAGIC WORDS to view an X-DAY INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO!)

OH MAH GAWD!!! There'll be

SIDESHOW MARVELS!

TUBS AND TUBS OF PURPLE KOOL-AID!

SPONTANEOUS DOKTORBAND COMBUSTION!

TRAINED PRAIRIE SQUID GIGGIN'-PARTIES! (Free Debeaking Tools to 1st 5

giggees)

SPORTS FIGURE BODY PART LAUNCHING!

NUDE CHAINSAW JUGGLING!

BULLFIGHTS!

'FROP ENHANCEMENT WORKSHOPS!

ACUBEATING!

PSYCHIC SURGERY!

COCKFIGHTS!

LIVE FREAKS OF NATURE and ACID CASUALTIES!

FACE FUCKING BAT SPERM ANTIDOTE PUDDING COOK-OFF!

BOBBIE ROPING!

PRIVATE ADULT SEXHURT SEMINARS!

BONOBO CHIMPANZEE GOBBLIN' CONTESTS!

DOGFIGHTS!

SELF-MUTILATING PREACHERS!

ODDLY NORMAL-SEEMING PEOPLE!

INSANE, IRRITATING BOBBIE ASSHOLES WHO WON'T SHUT UP!

(Plus, if the pond freezes over, NAKED ICE-BORER RACING!)

FREE CRUCIFIXIONS and FRONTAL LOBOTOMIES! LIVE KASSNER HEAD-PUSSIES! LIVE

ALIENS and their "WALK-IN" DUPES! BODY PAINTING!

IMAGINE -- the SHEER POWER TO BE BULLIED BY FAMOUS SUBGENIUS ZEN MASTERS!!

IMAGINE -- YOUR BIG CHANCE to BUY EVERY SUBGENIUS TRINKET, ARTIFACT and

GEEGAW EVER MADE by ANY SUBGENIUS at the "Black Fleece Market of Slack".

IMAGINE -- YOUR BIG CHANCE to meet those amazing, intriguing individuals

you've heard on the radio, seen onstage, or read in alt.slack and the holy

Church books!

IMAGINE -- YOUR BIG CHANCE to find out JUST WHERE YOU STAND with DOBBS!!!

IMAGINE -- YOUR BIG CHANCE to prove yourself on the Altar-Stump of THE

SPIKE !!

And BELIEVE -- THIS MAY WELL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE to become a FAMOUS,

HIGHLY PAID SUBGENIUS PREACHER and TOUR with the next SLACK CRUSADE!! (See

info)

GET FIRST CRACK

at becoming the one of the limited number of

GOLD CARD MEMBERS

(preferred status and access to secret info & goods)

...and get in on the ground floor of the new

SUBGENIUS CHURCH PYRAMID SCHEME

WE AREN'T KIDDING!! This is the Church's chance to establish a yearly

event that will become LEGENDARY!! -- even if the world is destroyed

during the third one. This "Northern Dokstok" will be -- nay, ALREADY IS

-- a thousand times cooler than Woodstock. It's a regular "Brainbeau

Gathering." You'll be able to tell your

great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandkids, "I was at the First

X-Day Drill... Yep! 'Fropped up with the great Rev. Stang hisself there...

even fucked Connie Dobbs! And "Bob" fucked me -- right good, I'd say!"

You Southerners and Westerners may complain, "Hey, why not have it in MY

state?" Well, look at it this way. In rural New York in the dead of

summer, it's still COOL AT NIGHT and there are NO MOSQUITOS!! And this

location practically guarantees that you will have the honor of being

abused by no less than:

DR. K'TADEN LEGUME!! PAPA JOE MAMA!! REV. NICKIE DEATHCHICK!! CIRCUS

APOCOLYPSE!! LONESOME COWBOY DAVE!! EINSTEIN'S SECRET ORCHESTRA!! THE

LORD JESUS CHRIST, SON OF GOD!! KING OF SLACK BILL T. MILLER!! REV. IVAN

STANG!! SISTER MELODIOUS CHOPPS! PRINCESS WEI "R." DOE!! TOTH WILDER AND

FORMS OF INSANITY! REV. GENENIA GRRRRINDER!! KID GINSU!! REV. BLEEPO

ABERNATHY!! and probably SISTER SUSIE THE FLOOZY!! POPE DAVID N. MEYER!!

DK JONES & HUGE VOODOO!! BROTHER CLEVE DUNKAN!!

And we'd be willing to bet there'll even be bus money for ST. JANOR

HYPERCLEATS!

Hell, "JOE" might even be there!!

NOT TO MENTION:

NENSLO!! POPE STERNODOX! G.GORDON GORDON! DR. PHILO DRUMMOND and THE

SWINGIN' LOVE CORPSES!! JOE NEWMAN, SPHINX DRUMMOND and BOOGER 9000!

PALMER VREEDEEZ! DR. HOWLL! PUZZLING EVIDENCE! WILL O'DOBBS! GLASSMADNESS!

GARY G'BROAGFRAN!! JOHN SHIRLEY!! NANZI REGALIA! MARK MOTHERSBAUGH! THE

SEXICUTIONER! BYRON WERNER! -- that is, if they aren't a bunch of

PUSSIES!!!

Now you're saying,

"I want to be part of the SubGenius Gossip Grapevine, too! HOW DO I MAKE

ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN THAT I'LL BE A PART OF THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT,

THIS VERITABLE "MIRACLE OF FATIMA"?? I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH I HAVE TO

SPEND!!"

You don't have to do a DAMN THING and neither do we. All you have to do is

BE THERE, CASH IN HAND! (VISA or MONEY ORDERS ACCEPTED. NO CHECKS!! Hit

the ATM FIRST!!)

$25 for ORDAINED SUBGENIUS MINISTERS

(MUST HAVE MEMBERSHIP CARD! We WILL have our computerized Sacred Mailing

List records at the gate as well as a MWOWM v.1.0.2b4 Pstench Scanner.)

$40 for THE UNSAVED

(But you get $10 off on a NEW MEMBERSHIP/ORDAINMENT!)

PLUS $10/day for camping!

NO one-day passes! * NO one gets in free or for a discount -- NO ONE, not

even us!!!! Everyone pays! Bitch to Jesus Christ Devilacqua if you can't

support the Church. (Exception: we need a sound system. Whoever brings a

sound system will have the event fee waived.)

Admissions will be closed each night between 1 am and 10 am. PLAN TO

ARRIVE OUTSIDE THESE HOURS. Parking is located at the front of the site;

vehicles must be parked there after unloading inside. To insure privacy,

security, and a plague-free event, you must sign a waiver and wear the ID

triage tags given you. Brushwood is clothing-optional EXCEPT near the

road. That means nakedity, Beavis.

This is a semi-developed camping facility (no RV hookups). Bring

EVERYTHING YOU'LL NEED. NO ONE WILL BABYSIT YOU. There may be food for

sale at the site, but there may not. Bring tent, sleeping bag, flashlight,

food, cookstoves, first aid. (The water there is ok.) Nights can be VERY

COLD even in July, so bring warm stuff.

DIRECTIONS TO BRUSHWOOD:

Find Sherman, NY on a NY map. It's off Rte. 17, west of Chautauqua Lake in

the southwestern part of the state, at the very tip, where it's reaching

for and almost touching Ohio. 430 runs through it; 76 crosses through it

and Rt.17

Go to Sherman.

Sherman's only one block long. Main Street = 430. Go to the west end of

Main (Ford dealer on the corner) and turn south onto Co.Rd. 15. Take 3

miles to first 4-way intersection, which is Bailey Hill Road. Turn right

(west) on Bailey Hill and go 1 mile. Brushwood is on the left, with a

sign. If you get lost, you can call Brushwood at 716-761-6750. For any

other purpose, call the Devival Hotline: (216)556-0338

For more info, but probably not much more, call or email the DEVIVAL

HOTLINE: (216)556-0338

Or send SASE to XDAY DRILL c/o SubGenius Foundation PO Box 140306, Dallas

TX 75214, for info and "registration" form.

* Anyone wanting to put on something special, rant, or play, JUST SHOW UP

AND DO IT. We DON'T plan on "organizing" this one AT ALL. Preachers or

bands planning on ranting, etc., should let us know only so we can add you

to the p.r.

X-DAY'S A-COMIN'!!!

***************************************

PROPHECY ALERT!!!!

Looking through the original Book of the SubGenius (orange cover), I

discovered that there was a misprint in the Dateline for Dominance. The

dates 1996 and 1998 were REVERSED. Now this could very well be merely a

misprint. But we cannot ignore the possibility that this is a new PROPHECY

REVEALED. It could be that Dobbs , in his infinite stupidity, wrote the

WRONG DATE on one of those moldy pizza napkins or motel receipts. But

because "Bob" is such a lucky sonofabitch, the ineptitude of the publisher

worked out in Dobbs' favor, correcting this important flaw in the

Prophecies. I cannot claim this is a fact; it is merely a theory. Dare you

take the chance? The shit is hitting the fan, brothers & sisters. The

newly saved are leaving our devivals in droves. We may well pass our goal

of a million new memberships by Friday. I predict that the Big One is

coming. The signs are in the sky and burning cursed scars of land lay

ahead like your rotting carcass stretched across the asphalt, slowly

cooking on the hot sticky asphalt of Route 666. July 5, 1996. Minutes

away, yet a slow agonizing eternity for the unsaved. The Church is in a

turmoil. We must SAVE SOULS like madmen. The clock is Ticking.

--LEGUME

***************************************

PRIORITY SECRET: FOR HIERARCHY EYES ONLY! ((REMEMBER TO CUT THIS PART,

STANG!!!))

***************************************

Also at Brushwood in NY, Rev. Ivan Stang and Dr. Legume will be preaching

STARWOOD

July 23-28

This is the now-legendary neopagan event sponsored yearly by the

Association for Consciousness Exploration in Cleveland. The week-long

outdoor festival costs $105 for non-A.C.E. members and draws over a

thousand New Agers, hippies, drummers, UFO contactees, Wiccans, Druids,

SCA geeks, sex fiends and SubGenii. Needless to say, it's False Prophet

Mockery Central for the SubGeniuses. It's also a darn good time and you

can bring the kids, if you aren't afraid of their seeing open nipplery on

female humans. I have always had a grand time at Starwood, and the many

SubGenii who have been lured to it have become repeat attendees, much to

the chagrin of some of the more hide-bound, stodgy, humorless New Agers.

(Some of them don't like the "energies" that our Church brings to

Starwood. What they mean by that is that they can't stand to see somebody

else having shitloads more fun than they are.)

FOR INFO:

A.C.E.: 216-932-5421

1643 Lee Rd. #9, Cleveland Heights, OH 44118

(Send SASE for keen catalog of Leary & Wilson tapes, books, etc.!)

P.S. There wouldn't be a devival at Starwood at all, but for ONE PRISSY

GEEK snottily assuring alt.pagan that there would be NO FUTURE SUBGENIUS

PARTICIPATION at A.C.E. events. It was that ONE SNOTTY POST that motivated

me to call up A.C.E. and remind them of how big a 'draw' the Church is.

Had that one humorless New Ager NOT said we wouldn't be there, we

wouldn't.

When some PINK says IN PUBLIC that a SUBGENIUS CAN'T DO SOMETHING, that

pretty much insures that the SubGenius WILL INDEED do it, and -- just to

rub it in -- EFFORTLESSLY. YE PIPSQUEAKS WHO WOULD PIPE UP: YOU ARE ALL

WORTHLESS AND WEAK. WE CRUSH YOU LIKE BUGS.

*******************************

FOR THOSE ASPIRING TO BE SUBGENIUS PREACHERS:

Send us your Preaching Audition Video (on HG 2 hour VHS, with an SASE or

10 32" stamps plus $5 entrance fee (to weed out the half-assed).

AND you can sign up for Legume & Stang's $25 seminar on HOW TO PREACH.

We'll also be selling THE SUBGENIUS BLANK TAPE.

SUBGENIUS FOUNDATION

PO BOX 140306

Dallas TX 75214

*******************

PRIORITY SECRET: FOR HIERARCHY EYES ONLY:

1998's almost here, and we need to act like FASCIST GOD-SULTANS over the

Bobbies while we STILL CAN!!!

There's a HUGE HARVEST of stupid fucking city-boy Bobbies and Bobbettes

waiting to be FUCKED in WHATEVER WAYS WE WANT!!It'll be BOBBIE-TORTURE

CENTRAL!!!

IMAGINE -- the SHEER POWER TO BULLY IDIOTS with TOTAL IMPUNITY!!!

Here's the scene -- the usual half-naked pagan burnouts that always come

to anything at Brushwood, all tripped out, PLUS a hundred BOBBIES

literally ready to do anything you tell them to "within reason," EH EH EH.

(That's where the SECRET ACTUAL SADISM of the REAL DOKTORS comes in!!)

For, lording it over these losers and dregs with their whiney Brooklyn

accents and toothsome frustrated girlfriends, will be THE MEANEST LOUDEST

POEBUCKER SUBGENIUS HIERARCHITE DOKTORS!!! Not just PRETENDING to act like

CRAZED CULT LEADERS!! But actually seeing JUST HOW FAR WE CAN PUSH THEM!!!

Imagine the fear and awe inspired in the insipid whelps by the likes of

STERNO! LEGUME!!! G. GORDON GORDON!! The criminally dangerous-looking

David Apocalypse! And all other swaggering multi-dicked-and/or-titted

blustering scary doktors who choose to attend.

In the grand tradition of the Zen Master whacking the pupils with a stick

for years, or Robert Tilton, we shall generate whole intense psychodramas

just by introducing two "types" to each other... we can REALLY FUCK WITH

THEIR MINDS!!

WE GOTTA DO IT MAN!!! FOR THE CHILDREN!!! The little CHILDREN!!?! It's

time to draw the Bobbies together -- not to be POLITE to them, OH NO...

but to give them just a LITTLE TASTE of DOBBSTOWN!!!

"Balls... in vicegrips... in Dobbstown... You're an OverMan Now!"

-- trad. Drs. for Wotan chant

MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the

Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.

PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB

http://sunsite.unc.edu/subgenius -- SubSITE of Slack

: On Sun, 16 Jun 1996, MegEliz wrote:

: > DrJohnG <manus@manus.org> wrote:

: > \\\||||///

: > : And you can also become a SUB-GRUBOR -- { BLAM -)--

: > ///||||\\\-

: > * ~

: > Hey! Where'd the winky go? *

: > *

: > \\||||//

: > -- BL;AM --

: > //||||\\

: >

: > That's better.

: yep {;-)-~

Doktor DynaSoar Iridium -- dynasor@infi.net -- Punctuator of Evolution