Subject: Caller Complaint
Date: 27 Mar 1999 00:00:00 GMT
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Dad)
Not that Dad's New Slacks was ever really a call-in show or "receptacle
programming," but lately we've been getting a lot more callers who want to
talk about slack and "Bob" and all that stuff you work so hard to avoid
discussing in here. Anyway, in a pitful attempt to post something worth
reading, I thought you might be entertained by this transcription of the
call I had last night - he put on this thick Texas chainsaw voice and
talked real slow and deliberate...
[cuthulu/POON's "alien binaries " playing in the background]
DAD: Hi caller, what's the problem, what's the matter?
CALLER: Well I had a question for ya, because I listen to Stang, a lot,
you know, over the years. And I appreciate your show.
DAD: The Hour of Slack you're referring to?
CALLER: Yes. And I have a question about, you know, I've been rare to
speak my observations but I had an observation about Stang and his
Servants and I was wonderin if I could venture my opinion.
DAD: You wanna talk about Reverend Stang on the air?
DAD: Alright well okay, it's your funeral, go right ahead.
CALLER: Okay. Well you know it seems to me like the original people
towards which Stang was directing his speech - and then I'll just let you
comment on this...
CALLER: In the beginning years ago it was the kind of semi-literate
iconoclast, and then recently he seems to be appealing more to the
body-piercing neophyte, instead of the semi-literate iconoclast...I mean
would you have anything to say about that? If you could just spend a
minute responding on the air to that allegation...
DAD: Well sure caller, I think that allegation is probably accurate -
you're referring really to the AUDIENCE, not necessarily who he's speaking
to but who's coming to listen. And he's going to be appearing live in
Boston again, next month you know, so you can actually go witness that for
yourself and SEE those body-piercing neophytes for yourself, and they'll
be there at the sales table buying all the swag, buying their
CALLER: Would you agree with my assessment though? That he shifted towards
the nihlist, you know, type of neophyte...
DAD: Well, the semi-literate iconoclast characterization...I think in the
beginning he appealed to people like Robert Anton Wilson, one of the more
literate iconoclasts out there...but maybe you're referring to yourself
CALLER: Well you know his literature, and I'm familiar with HIS literature
- had a touch of the education to of someone who had already explored, uh,
DAD: Not to mention all sorts of religious and psuedo-religious tracts...
CALLER: But now it seems like the skateboarder to whom the the the
computer-headed geek that he's appealing to now doesn't even know what the
definition of "iconoclast" is. Is that true? Or do you think I'm outta
line, because I don't want to go straight to Perdition.
DAD: Straight to Perdition? Are you talking about the Subgenius Hell, or
the hell of your own making?
CALLER: I don't want to DOUBT. I've faithfully followed the Reverend Stang's...
DAD: These neophytes that you're referring to, these are the people who
are shelling out the money, and that's really what it's always been about
is who can he appeal to who may actually shell out some money and say, oh
sure Reverend Stang, I'll give you money, I'll become a member, I'll go to
uh, Wormwood with you and buy a t-shirt...
CALLER: Well you know, Mr. Dad, I swear, I can't believe I got so much of
your attention. And I just want to say that there's probably some of those
body-pierced neophytes wandering around the city of Portland... but you
know I'll tell ya: we're all lucky to have a fella like you on our side.
DAD: Well thank you, caller.
CALLER: But I want you to respond to my query about Stang. Do you sense a
trend in his sermons leaning a little bit more towards the Mountain Dew
DAD: I thought I did respond to that. I agreed that the audience has
changed, now whether that's actually Reverend Stang directing his message
at a different audience or whether it's simply a different audience that's
paying to hear it, well perhaps YOU have an opinion on that.
CALLER: Well I take your point well sir. I take your point well, because
Stang himself says that "Bob" is not interested in your sins, "Bob" is
interested in your money. So I can see where what you're saying is really
the Subgenius-correct answer to it sir.
DAD: (guffaw) Well I should hope so!
CALLER: Well I think that you would know that you're a Subgenius in the
primary degree sir...
DAD: Well whether or not I am in the PRIMARY degree, I certainly have
observed the way the Church of the Subgenius, directed by Reverend Stang,
since the early eighties when I started noticing it, has operated, that's
CALLER: Yes, it is a Church, because scripture does bolster it - I mean
you can be a Subgenius without knowing scripture, but by reading the
"Apocryphon" and "The Book of the Subgenius" you do become more familiar
with the, uh, shall we call it "the dialectic."
DAD: The dialectic, absolutely...and you know, there's plenty more to read
besides that too. You put down the internet geeks, but there is a whole
world of the church that exists on the internet now that you may not
actually be as aware of as you might think you are.
CALLER: Yeah well when you don't have running water sir, you certainly
don't worry about the internet.
DAD: Well, I don't expect you to worry about it. But you seem to be
worried about the kind of people that are being attracted to the Church of
the Subgenius these days...
CALLER: Well, you know...
DAD: So if you don't have running water, I don't understand why you would
be worried about what kind of people...
CALLER: Well you can ride a skateboard, but you can't read a book... if
you know what I mean...
DAD: Or you could read a book but can't ride a skateboard.
CALLER: Oh, but, the difference is, when the wind blows, one person's
tongue gets cold.
DAD: I, I think I missed the symbolism in that...
CALLER: Because there's a HOLE in the tongue. They pierced it.
DAD: So when the wind blows, the hole in the tongue gets chilled, and that
causes, uh, brain rot?
CALLER: It violates common sense is what I'm saying, sir!
DAD: So you're saying that "common sense" has something to do with the
Church of the Subgenius? You're taking us down a track here, caller, where
I'm really wondering where it is you wanna end up.
CALLER: I'm wondering the same thing, sir, otherwise I wouldn't be
listening to your show. Once again Dad, I've been listening to you for 7,
10 years, you know, as long as the hair on my chest turned gray, sir...
DAD: Mine as well...
CALLER: So I want to thank you for the good cheer, and you might hear from
me seven years from now, sir.
DAD: Yes, you're one of those locusts that calls every seven years. Well
CALLER: Thank you, sir.
DAD: Alright goodnight. And we've got another seven minutes, or seven
years, before Blunted Sinewaves comes up on WMPG and W281AC,
Gorham/Portland, home of the Hour of Slack and Dad's New Slacks and
Blunted Sinewaves and a couple of other shows that you can find out about
at wmpg-dot-org, when you know, you turn on your running water and
wmpg-dot-org comes flooding through the pipe...
email@example.com Dad's New Slacks POB 4722 Portland ME 04112