ARTICLES of TRUTH XVII




What the CONspiracy Does For YOU:


What the Church of the SubGenius Does for You:



Yes, It's true.
I am a pygmy.

You probably think we're all little dudes
running around in the jungle,
throwing spears at elephants.

Well, we are.

Compared to an elephant, you are NOTHING.

So don't fuck with ME! -Rev. Attribute Needed


TESTIFICATION OF THE GODS


Censored Erotica
Human Jokes
New Convert
Succession
Savior Skin
The Fartiste
Human Mushroom
Remember Jessica?
DEATH shall set them FREE
Trash Knows No Skin Color
LAUGHING IS THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP FROM GOING COMPLETELY INSANE
Columbine Blood Sacrifice
You are the Hope of the Future
Fifty SubGeniuses walk into a Scientologist bar...
CHAOS WEAPONS
Texas UFO Cult Loses Case
I'd bail on you fuckers in a minute if it meant more Slack for me
CRUDELY HEWN and OVER-SOPHISTICATED
Dying by Inches
Narfs, Whining, Stuff, and etc.
In the interest of sexual liberation for women
Miracle Cure for Dry Heaves Found!!!
Goths
Car update
Justification for any adversarial stance
Squalling about Squalor
Bugs and Lawyers
Christmas dingleberries
Star Wars Spoilers
Obphiously
FORTY ACRES AND A WHORE
If I don't bitch...can I really be a SubGenius?
I got plastic skulls!
3cc of baby snot, 10 times daily
Chihuahuas
When Lemmy comes out to take a pea
Cookies made with as much salt as sugar
NENSLO Cookies!
A Word For Whores
"Bob" vs. God
Mud
More On People
pointless retro woodsy crap
Queen Click Clack
ROBOTS MADE OUT OF FOOD
Prophesies
More Prophesies
Possessed by Devils and Bank Tellers
CANDY ASSED DILLETANT LEFTIST PUDWHAKKER!
A NENSLO KIND OF GAS STATION
Decorative Front-office Fixturing
True Story of the Monkey Pilgrimage!
Bananas Foster
IRC
Conspiracy Magic
Dad's Blowout Extravaganza!
FoodPorn 1
Round well Function
Size 14 Pumps and A Righteous Cudgel
Honest Monkeys Seeking Same
Halloween Story
Our Lady of Lint
LIKE DOBBS ISN'T ONE OF THEM!
da bomb
Judge rejects lawsuit against God
Close Encounters of the Icy Kind
Troutorama
SUBGENIUS PROFUNDITIES GENERATION MATRIX
Pill Balmer
***TSALA-NEE-GHEE***
DOG FOOD for the industrial waste machine
PASS ME AND I'LL SHOOT YOU, FUCKHEAD
Clam Dip
Revolution and CATACLYSMIC change
THE DAY will soon be upon us!
Devo Sells Out!
a bicycle is considered a vehicle
Half a tongue, half a cheek, half the time onward
O Little Town of Emeryville
The Enemy of My Enemy is My Friend
Big words and flossy phraseology
Not caring is much easier
Bob's Shiny Pay-off
A few points about Eugenics
I am a Camera
WANTED: one goat
Little boys and small farm animals
It is best to keep females
And you thought YOU were SLACK
overly long religious dialoggy, nice dialoggy
Millenium Buggery!
No Crabs for Christmas
The Beauty of Kant
Bomb Instructions and Kiddie Porn
FULL GOBSHITE RIGHTS
It was a dark and squirmy night
I'M DEAD
You are really a good listener!
Magic Dust
FOREVER in the left-hand lane
Cancer Kills Grandmas Dead
Mmmmm Brain Cells...
Think hard now! Which one is Shinola?
We are *competing* with them for SALES!
More C.O.N.S.P.I.R.A.C.Y. shit
Wolfenstein 3-D
Cornflakes Truth Revealed!
MAY JHVH-1 HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL
Haggling Slack
Do only the SANE turkeys decide to drown themselves in the rain?
Poetry Aftermath
OBVIOUSLY a euphamism for sex
I AM KING OF THE PODIUM
Debaptizing Infants
The Love Boat
Turtle Dance
The Financial Revelations of Cyrus The Great
CRACK NOT ADDICTIVE
serious pain in the noggin
Sorority Initiation
LET'S START A WAR!!
Debeaked & Shaved Quarterly
THE TRUTH ISN'T OUT THERE
Orphans of the Warm Weather
It jist ain't far!
There once was a god...
No Chickens in the Desert
The Damned True History of S.P.(U.T.U.)M.
YOU ALREADY HAVE A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD
STERNO PUSSY STOKES CUSTER KLUX VIGIL
You'll fondle his nuts
Evebuddy got a pahty ring
False Reality Bites My Buzzcut!
The Great Penis Contest
Christmas Residue
People's Park
60 MINUTES--ED BRADLEY INTERVIEWS REVEREND IVAN STANG
Eternal Life
SPITTING ELECTRON FIRE AND HARD RAD BRIMSTONE
This is our deal, and you're fucking up
The Economics of Slack
History of Vinyl Records
Take your old Corvette and sit on it
Phone Review
This is the person who Howard Stern speaks to
Look to Them for Their judgement
FEAR is common, expected, and useful
Scooter Pie
Yeti and Mennonites?
The Clubhouse
Another 300,000 Somalis have died of disease and hunger
I'm in for a REAL BAD ETERNITY
What value is a god that doesn't kick your butt!
Tyrannosaurus skull
A matter transporter based on sendmail
Thousands of crappy rehash pages on the web
Salami bath beads are half price
A quasi-independent spirtual enitity
Slack is a warm puppy
Five days without sleep
W*r is Not a Four Letter Word
Faux Bungholios
working title
TECHNO RANT
This humbling and humiliating experience
I'm enjoying my wiener
Science Solves Phone Probs
Cast the pinkness out of your life
A load of Chard from Encino
Lytreia
Obnubilate
Raising Vinegarroon
Dog ownership. Madness.
QUICK MONEY! HONEST!
Seeketh you wisdom in experience?
Cambridge Politician tries to stop SubGenius Devival
Pink Cruelty Exposed
PAUL, THE SELF APPOINTED APOSTLE
Don't get left half-alive
more rat shit
Spineless little Pink Fuzzy Nice Bunnies
Sarcasm has a flat curve
Conscious Dreams and Consciousness
Exposing the TYPE of government as inconsequential
Truly N-Lite'n'd[tm] Subgenius
disgusto-amusing enough for alt.slack
How to Post to alt.slack
A GIANT SQUID HUNGER
Blast in Ferd's Pants
PRICES MAY VARY
Paradoxism
I_need_a_new_keyboard
War is the only option
How does tyranny arise?
SubGenius: the Hidden Threat
I *AM* a religious person
THIS IS THE DOOM OF THE PINK
mppprfh
NO SIGN OF INTELLIGENT ACTIVITY
GHOST OF BEAST
The Seven Deadly Sins Of Gilligan
This is the CON in its PUREST FORM
therMWOWMeter
THE ONE TRUE FAKE RELIGION
Appetite for Destruction
Wood is created by God, therefore Jesus was a carpenter!
BOBBIE-TORTURE CENTRAL!!!
Great Literature and Falling off Furniture
I don't want to DOUBT
This is beautiful, beautiful Bulldada Y'All!
Does Maalox(tm) dispel Christ?
The influx of fux from other countries
Holland has a very low Pinkness quotient
Mr. Fish goes up the flue
Why can't we just steal dalmations for coats?
The Pooh of "Bob"
Later was sold a chunk of very funky code by a salesman
Not in the mood for goat
Furry art
IBM company anthem
I can hear the cans of tuna singing
I'm about to make a DAMN FOOL of myself
An individualist who always does whats best for the group
The Secret Diary of Dave
Be well, and partake deeply of the SLACK thereof!
The common good only benefits the common
Oompah
The all-dicks-are-one philosophy
Is Jerry Falwell Gay?
you were MORE than a tool, PEOPLE are more than tools
Have you ever had an intimate encounter with an alien?
If the gods exist, they deserve to be ignored


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