Look at you...you worthless so-called "Ministers" in the Church of the

SubGenius...bah! Where are the testimonies? Where is the brimstone?

Where the hell is the Slack?


We aren't here to turn this newsgroup into "ins" vs. "outs". We aren't

here to discuss the volume of our respective colons (interesting and

educational as that might be). We are here because we are charged with

the responsibility of spreading the word of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, the

only chance we have of making it through the upcoming terror.


We don't have time for cults of personality. We don't have time to

quibble. We barely have time to make sure that we've purchased enough

stuff to save a space on board the Pleasure Saucers. But you know and

I know that even though he brings us an excuse for our failings, he

won't be able to sell that excuse to the Elder Gods.


If the blend of souls isn't right...."Bob" help us all. And here you

sit, bullshitting and lurking just as if there was all the time in the


In practical terms, there are some SubGenii who are entering college

this fall, who won't make it to graduation before the Rupture. Of

course there are plenty who wouldn't graduate if the Rupture took

pIace in 2010, but that's another story. If you buy a new car on

payments...you'll still be paying when the X-ists get here! It ain't

much time, Brethren and Sistern.


We need to bring those souls to "Bob" now. We need to give him the

bargaining power he so desperately needs. We need a little of that old

time Religion, children, and we need it NOW.


Tell us all how you found "Bob." Tell us of the power of Slack. Tell

us how to avoid work. Show us the way to "Fuck 'em if they can't take

a joke." You paid the $30 dammit...tell us how it's changed your



There's something in it for you, you know. Like shit, luck rolls

downhill. Now, "Bob's" no Reagan, (thankfully) but there is a

trickle-down effect. The more Yetikin we can lure into sending that

first dollar into the Slack zone (P.O.BOX 140306, Dallas,TX 75214),

the more numbers will recognise the powers of "Bob." The more who

become Ministers, the more successful and wide-spread the Church

becomes. Soon we will be as powerful (and easily smarter than) as the

Church of Scientology. And those of us who made it happen; those holey

soles who gave testimony to the Word, and made it real; those brave

warriors in the Slack trenches will receive their just desserts. They

will be noted among the pioneers (yes, even at this late date). They

will be revered, and fed peeled grapes and other good shit.


It is your solemn duty to spread the word. Get after it you lazy






Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually

Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.

Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.