I think...no, I'm pretty damned sure, that the thing that pisses me
off the most often is dishonesty. I was such a good little Catholic
girl. I confessed EVERY sin, and they were such pathetic little sins
back then. I could do so much better now. I could guarantee the priest
a two-hour hard-on these days. But I was so honest. The only reason I
ever told a lie when I was little was to save my brother's ass. Then I
I learned to lie in my teens, though. I got pretty good at it. For a
long time it was easier to lie about my childhood than actually try to
explain it to people. I made up all kinds of shit, from an architect
father (mine was really a Fire Fighter) to a dead twin. I don't know
when it was, my early twenties, I think, that I realized that truth
was actually power. If I told the truth, no one could have power over
me by being able to point out my lies. It was no longer a matter of
sinning versus not sinning; it was power. Because I can tell the
truth, the whole truth (as far as I know it), no one can hold me
hostage. I found out that it was okay to be different, as long as you
weren't ashamed of it. Shame creates lies, and shame is how you are
The Bearded Guy (tm) and I rented a bunch of movies last night (I'm
saving "Ed Wood" for tonight) one of which was "True Lies." What
amazed me was that it was expected that the "Hero" would lie to his
wife for 17 years. His daughter steals from his best friend, and he
NEVER confronts her about it. His marriage is a bore, and he never
sees his family but he supposedly still loves them? I think he
possesses them, and doesn't want his toys taken away. His life is a
lie and he's the HERO.
I'm so sick of the lies. They're everywhere you turn. Commercials lie
to us; it's their job. Our bosses and co-workers lie to us, to make
themselves look better, to advance in the world of lies, because they
know no other way of communicating aside from lying. Our parents lie
to us. Then we turn around and lie to our children. It never ends.
I was in high school in the middle of the Vietnam war. My senior year
was just getting started when they killed four students at Kent State.
All we wanted was for them to stop lying to us, and they killed us. It
was enough. A generation forgot what they were fighting and turned
into the monster. They took every fucking drug that existed on the
planet, then turned right around and told their children "Just say NO"
or "Dare to keep kids off drugs," then they go home, roll a fat one in
their Southwestern pink bathroom, and lie to themselves some more.
Here's the deal I made with my sons: If you don't drink alcohol,
smoke, take drugs or curse in public before the age of 16, I'll buy
you a gold watch or the equivalent. Why? The human brain keeps
growing, so you want to give it a chance to get to full size before
you start killing brain cells via drugs and alcohol. Smoking is simply
not healthy and if I weren't such a fucking worthless addict, I'd
quit, and cursing is one of those things that makes people judge you
without knowing you. You're too young and inexperienced to know when
cursing is appropriate, so I want you to wait until you learn the
rules before you start breaking them. It's just that simple. Tell them
the truth. If the truth makes sense, they will see that.
Honesty doesn't have to be cruel. If someone asks how they look and
they look like shit, you need to be kind and tell them what parts need
attention (in a supportive way). By lying and saying "You look fine."
You are deliberately choosing to allow them to make an ass of
themselves. If that's your goal, so be it. But if you like the person,
you should be honest with them.
It's worst in the art world, I think. People are so afraid to have an
opinion that goes against the grain, that they will swallow their
honest opinions and spew whatever is being said by the group. You
bitch and moan about mediocrity, but do you actually tell a bad artist
that their work is less than adequate? Do you applaud musicians who
are untalented? Have you ever stood in a crowd for an ovation that you
really were not moved by? Then you lied to everyone around you, and
you lied to the artist, but in your secret heart, you could not lie to
yourself...and it diminished you.
It is this all pervasive atmosphere of lies that makes me unable to
trust my own work. I can never tell if someone is being honest with
me, or if they are just being "kind" and telling me the lies I want to
hear (because they LIKE me, or because they are afraid to hurt me).
Because I cannot trust those who critique me ( if you can call it
that) I don't know how I compare. I don't know if it's worth trying to
succeed in my fields; or if I'm not really good enough and should quit
now. The world of lies steals my confidence away, it makes me unsure,
and I hate that. I hate that most of all.
When I stand for an ovation, there are usually tears in my eyes. I
never look around me. I don't give two raving fucks whether anyone
else was moved or not. If you move ME, you know it. When I compliment
someone's work, it is because *I* like it. The opinions of others with
regard to art is worthless as far as I am concerned. No one but ME
will have to live with that painting or that music, so why the hell
should I care what anyone else thinks? Honesty is the most powerful
tool there is. Honesty will save your ass time and time again. You
don't have to make a choice between being honest and lying. You can be
honest or just shut your mouth.
We go to weddings of people who marry people we hate and think are
completely wrong for that person, but we never confront our friends
and tell them they're making a mistake. We go to funerals for people
we don't really like, just to show "our respects." Respect for
what...another liar lying in the dirt? We deny our feelings day in and
day out until they turn into cancers, heart disease, immune system
failures. Let's face it, something's gotta give, and it's easier for
most people to die than to tell the truth about their lives.
Well, I don't plan on going out that way. I like living, and living
honestly is the best revenge there is on this huge tentacled thing we
call the CON. Living honestly gives them fewer chances to screw you.
Living honestly lets you sleep at night (that, and a little frappy).
Pointing out lies may not make you the most popular kid on the block
but it sure beats the alternative....being one of THEM.
Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually
Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.
Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.