Brethren and Sistern,

Lemme ask you ONE SIMPLE QUESTION...have you got SLACK?

Do you know what Slack is? (okay, that's two questions, but they're

related). Have you come to the realization that the only way to get

MORE Slack is through "Bob?".(make that three)

 

Now I thought I was slackful. I thought that because I had

successfully avoided a CON job by staying in school longer than is

necessarily good for you, that I could get more slack. I thought I

could get slack from false music, false drugs,and false sex, (though

sex is like pizza, even when it's bad, it's pretty good). But it's NOT

TRUE, my Breadwin, the only TRUE SLACK comes from "Bob".

 

Since I joined the church of the SubGenius, my life has been filled

with Slack. Just this week alone, at least half a dozen slackful

things have happened, and I didn't have to raise a hand:

 

Through Stang...I meet the incredible JOE NEWMAN who not only directs

me to a place where I can find a rare photo of my mother, but then

sends me a tape of his AMAZING MUSIC, the Rudy Schwartz Project's

"Enhanced Florence Henderson" and included another mother photo in the

packet. Needless to say, I'm buying more of his stufff, and you should

too! He's a most excellent musician. Slack for days...

 

Whenever you think the world is fucked up...realize that "Bob" is

fucking up FOR YOU (if you've sent in that $30) and that what looks

like it might be a royal screwing over a nail studded barrel, is in

fact, either saving your life, or the ONLY WAY that you'll get the

slack you deserve. For example the Blessed Will O'Dobbs screwed up

when sending out all my shit. He left out a tape. That disappointed

me, but I'm a patient soul, I can wait. I waited a month or so, then

I mentioned it to Stang...that I was anxious to hear what everyone

sounded like. Well, my friends, patience is its own reward, because

not only did I get my tape, but I got a copy of "Arise" as well, so

now, I not only have voice, but face! PRAISE "BOB" !!! and Praise Will

for a SubGenius fuckup that ended up being good FOR ME!

 

I've recieved valuable certificates and good reading stuff from

NENSLO, and as soon as Rev. Carey gets my $2, I'll be getting

"Reject"...The Slack is endless.

 

So...How do you KNOW? You muse, "Could I, a seeming human, actually be

one of the YETIKIN? Could I have the pstench that "Bob" knows as his

own? Well you gotta ask yourself...Do I feel ...LUCKY? Well, DO YA,

PUNK?? If you are...if you can possibly be...one of the few, the

insane, the tools of the Gods, you'll know it as soon as you send in

that $30. The luck plane will tilt in your favor, like a prostitute

with a broken heel...and you will come to know "Bob", and HE in turn,

will come to know you. (which could be dangerous, but never fear, the

church also has a terrific insurance program)

 

It's a squirtin' universe, and "Bob" opened my mouth. Hallelujah!

 

WRINKLES? HEMORRHOIDS? PELLAGRA?...for more info send $1 to:

The SubGenius Foundation

P.O. Box 140306

Dallas, Texas 75214

 

 

***

Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually

Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.

Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.

We are admonished by "Bob" to spread the word of the SubGenius

throughout the land; seeking our own kind, before the great Rupture.

But I don't seem to see much proselytizing here on alt.slack. As our

holey scribe, Stang, has said "This is a RELIGIOUS newsgroup,

dammit!"