For me, there is always a bit of lag-time between my changes in
behavior and my conscious awareness that I have somehow changed. It's
as though my subconscious gets the message, but it requires me
actually doing something for a while before I understand what has
I was a latent SubGenius for many years. My family of origin was not
socially acceptable for a variety of reasons. I, being a pretty bright
kid, realized that this was going to penalize me unless I learned how
to "fit in."
Some children are born scientists, they play with their chemistry
sets, make crystals, create homunculi. Others are born musicians, they
have rhythm from birth, sing on key, take drugs in kindergarten. I was
an anthropologist. I have been a participant/observer of this society
since I was about 6 years old. I learned what it took to please
teachers. I did it. I learned what it took to get adults on my side. I
did it. It took me a long time to figure out girls/women, but I think
I understand them for the most part. If there's any single reason why
I like boys/men it's because they are so consistant.
There is an experience that, if you truly want to know what it is like
to "fit in", you must have. This is the "group loss of self" for lack
of a better term (I'm sure Dyna knows what this is). It's that feeling
you have when you are so sure of your "rightness" that you lose your
self-consciousness enough to join mindlessly into a group experience.
For example: praying aloud or singing aloud in church. Performance in
a choir doesn't count because you are aware of your "part," group
cheers or "the wave," singing in the crowd at a concert, clapping
along to the music, group hugs. These all require that you forget the
self enough to be "one" with the group. This group devolvement becomes
an emotional bond between those who are able to "let go." It is this
bond which motivates the CON. I have been there...I admit to needing
that. I...I even once did a...a...a group "OM"...it was beautiful,
man! (excuse me)
But here is the sadness of the SubGenius. Hse must give up this
oneness for the sake of open eyes. I cannot pull the wool in this case
anymore. There is a part of me that rejects even that comfort.
Besides, most people clap off-beat anyway...it just irritates me. I'm
no longer a good team player. I see all the "management techniques"
and "positive reinforcements" for just what they are...means of
control. Being a part of the ONE means giving up control...just that
little bit, for that short time. As has been so beautifully pointed
out here before; if you'll let them make you prove innocence before
offence ala piss testing, just for the sake of money, how much will
degradation will you take? We know you're a whore; how much do you
charge? If you let them have control of your mind for a short time for
free...how much will you charge for absolute control? If you let them
have your mind for an hour a day, they'll only charge you 10 minutes
of that time for their active brainwashing, the rest of the hour it's
just passive reinforcement in the form of "entertainment. Will you
trade your security for your freedom, maybe?
I used to be a whore for the CON, but now I are a SubGenius, and I
can't sing the National Anthem at baseball games. Hell, I can't even
GO to a baseball game without getting the willies. This is my sorrow.
I can no longer be the participant observer; I can only observe.
Reverend Mutha Tarla Star of the Little Sisters of the Perpetually
Juicy; a Proud jism schism of the Church of the SubGenius.
Worshipping Juicy Retardo and "Connie" Dobbs since 1986.