Jeffrey Bingham (rachal@earthlink.net) wrote:

: I need help, if any one has done a paper on capitalism using the words

: from the song "money" please reply.

 

You're in luck! I just happen to have one!

 

Capitalism is an economic system. Although some people claim it's

a moral system. However, Pink Floyd spoke wisely when they said this

about them:

 

"Bullshit."*

 

Anyway, Capitalism was founded in 1776 by Adam Weishaupt when his hand

turned invisible due to exposure to radiation from the Van Allen Belt.

He then had a revelation that the world would be a lot better off if

it had more car commercials.

 

Some people think Capitalism is a bad thing. They're all a bunch of

commies, and they ought to be taken out back and shot. Without

capitalism, we wouldn't have the "Wacky Wall Walker", for which of course

the Internet has now been named, which is why so many Internet addresses

start with "http://www". The http part I can't tell you because it's

a classified CIA state secret that only John Grubor knows the true answers

to. Anyway, in Communist Russia they didn't have economic freedom, which

is why they had to all eat borscht and if they complained the KGBeast

would come by and read John Lennon lyrics to you until Batman came by

and beat him up because he thought the Ramones were way cooler. And

that's why Russia is no longer communist. Now that Russia is a free

nation they get to be controlled by the Mafia just like the rest of

us instead of some big ol' nasty intellectual liberals.

 

There's two kinds of capitalism, conservative capitalism and liberal

capitalism. Conservative capitalism doesn't like abortion and liberal

capitalism doesn't either but doesn't want to outlaw it. Liberal

capitalism was founded by John Maynard Keyes, who is Alan Keyes' uncle,

despite the fact that "John Maynard Keyes" is just an alias for "Gibby

Haynes", who is the guy who founded all the underwear factories. Anyway,

he realized that conservatives like Adam Weishaupt didn't want to wear

underwear because they thought it was a blasphemy against God and anyway

their dicks were just as invisible as their hands, so he founded LIBERALISM

so that FDR could get more supreme court justices, but the supreme court

said that that was unconstitutional because fifteen is the Number of the

Beast minus 651, which of course is the penal code number for frottage,

and anyway Roosevelt only played with poo-poo heads. So then the

gobment made everybody buy underwear, and if they didn't they bought

the underwear themselves and gave it to their girlfriends.

 

So this was all well and good for a while, but then Ronald Grayface

Reagan, whose name is an anagram of "Adolf Hitler", as Lou told me last

night, got into office, and whenever he got on airplanes the stewardesses

were all wearing underwear so it was no fun to look up their dresses,

and this made him mad so he fired all the air traffic controllers,

and everybody who was making underwear had to start making IZOD shirts or

nucular bombs to sell to the military, because by this time the followers

of Adam Weishaupt had decided that the government buying stuff was OK

as long as it was bombers and cocaine and stuff.

 

At about this time, everybody started getting pissed off at the "New

World Order", but it's a big SECRET so nobody seems to know exactly

what it is. As far as I can tell, it all started when Hulk Hogan,

who is secretly CANADIAN along with Geddy Lee, started thinking that

American underwear was no good, and we had to start buying CANADIAN

underwear. This made everybody scared because everybody knows there's

a giant sucking sound out there somewhere, and everybody thought

that underwear that wasn't American would get all stuck in their crotch

and give them wedgies. And as if that weren't bad enough, back after

World War II President Truman founded the UN to give out halloween

candy to kids, which seems innocent enough, but now instead of the

US government paying for the nucular weapons, OTHER countries wanted

to pay for our weapons, which in and of itself is OK, because we have

junk sales every few years where we sell our old weapons to other countries

and watch them try to attack us with them, and then laugh as we take our

big shiny NEW WEAPONS like the "Frottage Detector" and kick their butt

with them. But this is different because the UN wants BLACK HELICOPTERS,

and Jesse Helms doesn't like this because he doesn't like anything black;

if they're going to get helicopters they have to be RED WHITE AND BLUE.

 

Anyway, the only way to stop this is by STRICT ADHERENCE TO THE BIBLE,

especially the lines about fist-fucking.**

 

*- Pink Floyd, "Money", _Dark Side of the Moon_, 1973.

**- God, "The Song of Solomon", 5:3-7, _The Bible_, 4412 B.C.

--

GOD IS NOT MOCKED