Jeffrey Bingham (firstname.lastname@example.org) wrote:
: I need help, if any one has done a paper on capitalism using the words
: from the song "money" please reply.
You're in luck! I just happen to have one!
Capitalism is an economic system. Although some people claim it's
a moral system. However, Pink Floyd spoke wisely when they said this
Anyway, Capitalism was founded in 1776 by Adam Weishaupt when his hand
turned invisible due to exposure to radiation from the Van Allen Belt.
He then had a revelation that the world would be a lot better off if
it had more car commercials.
Some people think Capitalism is a bad thing. They're all a bunch of
commies, and they ought to be taken out back and shot. Without
capitalism, we wouldn't have the "Wacky Wall Walker", for which of course
the Internet has now been named, which is why so many Internet addresses
start with "http://www". The http part I can't tell you because it's
a classified CIA state secret that only John Grubor knows the true answers
to. Anyway, in Communist Russia they didn't have economic freedom, which
is why they had to all eat borscht and if they complained the KGBeast
would come by and read John Lennon lyrics to you until Batman came by
and beat him up because he thought the Ramones were way cooler. And
that's why Russia is no longer communist. Now that Russia is a free
nation they get to be controlled by the Mafia just like the rest of
us instead of some big ol' nasty intellectual liberals.
There's two kinds of capitalism, conservative capitalism and liberal
capitalism. Conservative capitalism doesn't like abortion and liberal
capitalism doesn't either but doesn't want to outlaw it. Liberal
capitalism was founded by John Maynard Keyes, who is Alan Keyes' uncle,
despite the fact that "John Maynard Keyes" is just an alias for "Gibby
Haynes", who is the guy who founded all the underwear factories. Anyway,
he realized that conservatives like Adam Weishaupt didn't want to wear
underwear because they thought it was a blasphemy against God and anyway
their dicks were just as invisible as their hands, so he founded LIBERALISM
so that FDR could get more supreme court justices, but the supreme court
said that that was unconstitutional because fifteen is the Number of the
Beast minus 651, which of course is the penal code number for frottage,
and anyway Roosevelt only played with poo-poo heads. So then the
gobment made everybody buy underwear, and if they didn't they bought
the underwear themselves and gave it to their girlfriends.
So this was all well and good for a while, but then Ronald Grayface
Reagan, whose name is an anagram of "Adolf Hitler", as Lou told me last
night, got into office, and whenever he got on airplanes the stewardesses
were all wearing underwear so it was no fun to look up their dresses,
and this made him mad so he fired all the air traffic controllers,
and everybody who was making underwear had to start making IZOD shirts or
nucular bombs to sell to the military, because by this time the followers
of Adam Weishaupt had decided that the government buying stuff was OK
as long as it was bombers and cocaine and stuff.
At about this time, everybody started getting pissed off at the "New
World Order", but it's a big SECRET so nobody seems to know exactly
what it is. As far as I can tell, it all started when Hulk Hogan,
who is secretly CANADIAN along with Geddy Lee, started thinking that
American underwear was no good, and we had to start buying CANADIAN
underwear. This made everybody scared because everybody knows there's
a giant sucking sound out there somewhere, and everybody thought
that underwear that wasn't American would get all stuck in their crotch
and give them wedgies. And as if that weren't bad enough, back after
World War II President Truman founded the UN to give out halloween
candy to kids, which seems innocent enough, but now instead of the
US government paying for the nucular weapons, OTHER countries wanted
to pay for our weapons, which in and of itself is OK, because we have
junk sales every few years where we sell our old weapons to other countries
and watch them try to attack us with them, and then laugh as we take our
big shiny NEW WEAPONS like the "Frottage Detector" and kick their butt
with them. But this is different because the UN wants BLACK HELICOPTERS,
and Jesse Helms doesn't like this because he doesn't like anything black;
if they're going to get helicopters they have to be RED WHITE AND BLUE.
Anyway, the only way to stop this is by STRICT ADHERENCE TO THE BIBLE,
especially the lines about fist-fucking.**
*- Pink Floyd, "Money", _Dark Side of the Moon_, 1973.
**- God, "The Song of Solomon", 5:3-7, _The Bible_, 4412 B.C.
GOD IS NOT MOCKED