Make them stop calling it the Information SuperHighway.

 

I saw it again. Some clueless FOOL talking about the "Information

Superhighway." They don't know JACK about the net. It's NOTHING like a

Superhighway. That's a BAD metaphor.

 

Yeah, but suppose the metaphor ran in the OTHER direction. Suppose the

HIGHWAYS were like the NET. All right! Severe craziness. A highway HUNDREDS

of lanes wide. Most with potholes. Privately operated bridges and

overpasses. No highway patrol. A couple of rent-a-cops on bicycles with

broken whistles. 500 member VIGILANTE POSSES with nuclear weapons. 237 ON

RAMPS at every intersection. NO SIGNS. Wanna get to Ensenada? Holler out

the window at a passing truck to ask directions. AD HOC traffic laws. Some

lanes would VOTE to make use by a single-occupant-vehicle a CAPITAL OFFENSE

on Monday through Friday between 7:00 and 9:00. Other lanes would just

SHOOT you without a trial for talking on a car phone.

 

AOL would be a giant diesel-smoking BUS with hundreds of EBOLA victims and

a TOILET spewing out on the road behind it. Throwing DEAD WOMBATS and

rotten cabbage at the other cars most of which have been ASSEMBLED AT HOME

from kits. Some are 2.5 horsepower LAWNMOWER ENGINES with a top speed of

nine miles an hour. Others burn NITROGLYCERINE and IDLE at 120.

No license tags. World War II BOMBER NOSE ART instead. Terrifying paintings

of huge teeth or VAMPIRE EAGLES. Bumper mounted MACHINE GUNS. Flip somebody

the finger on this highway and get a WHITE PHOSPHORUS GRENADE up your

tailpipe. Flatbed trucks with ANTI-AIRCRAFT MISSLE BATTERIES to shoot down

the Traffic Watch helicopter. A little kid on a tricycle with a squirtgun

filled with HYDROCHLORIC ACID. NO OFFRAMPS.

 

Now THAT'S the way to run an Interstate Highway system.

--

Jim the Prophet

Licensed SubGenius Preacher

jimvan@gate.net