From: dflync01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu (David F Lynch)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Food of the Gods

Date: 17 Nov 1996 22:00:19 GMT

Organization: Church of Eternal Man

 

So, I went to Church today (I had a very good reason, I got a damn

good meal out of it). And I don't really have a problem with the

Catholic church, well, any more than I have a problem with the idiocy

of the vast majority of organized religions in general. I still find

their ritual pretty damn neat, and the Catholic Church has always used

plenty of incense, the favorite of stoners everywhere. Well, anyway,

the priest mentioned something about Jesus doing lots of his preaching

over meals, so I could just imagine Jesus trying to explain the beatitudes

with a mouth full of bread, spitting crumbs out all over the place.

 

The other thing, is I went up to communion, and I get uncomfortable

with this, because invariably I get bits of the little wafers stuck

to my teeth. I mean, as faux pas's go, that's a pretty bad one.

"Excuse me, but you've got some Jesus stuck to your teeth". And

then what are you going to do, pick it out and chuck it somewhere?

Is that sacrilege? You see all the confusing questions Catholics

have to deal with?

--

Dave (not David) Lynch/(.)(.)/Eligible Mutant Bachelor Uebergeek at large

dflync01@homer.louisville.edu/FILLER/Founder, First Church of Eternal Man

ObObsoleteHomepage:http://www.rlabs.com/lynch **** Please email followups

I'm SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

From: clavis@ix.netcom.com(the Grand Clavister)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Food of the Gods

Date: 18 Nov 1996 04:46:34 GMT

Organization: Netcom

 

In <56o1tj$fpk@hermes.louisville.edu>

dflync01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu (David F Lynch) writes:

>

>So, I went to Church today (I had a very good reason, I got a damn

>good meal out of it). And I don't really have a problem with the

[snip]

>The other thing, is I went up to communion, and I get uncomfortable

>with this, because invariably I get bits of the little wafers stuck

>to my teeth. I mean, as faux pas's go, that's a pretty bad one.

>"Excuse me, but you've got some Jesus stuck to your teeth". And

>then what are you going to do, pick it out and chuck it somewhere?

>Is that sacrilege? You see all the confusing questions Catholics

>have to deal with?

 

I'm at a friend's wedding, and I'm wearing my supercool purple suit,

'cause that's what a wedding deserves, and we're in the temple for the

ceremony, and that's when I reach into an inside jacket pocket and

realize that I'm carrying around 2 packets of Wacky Wafers from

Halloween. I would've gone up and given them to the rabbi, but dem Jews

don't use wafers.

 

But it was still funny.

 

 

the Grand Clavister

[Waiting for an opportunity to stop a gob since 1970]

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

From: atesta@concom.com (Andrew J. Testa)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Food of the Gods

Date: Mon, 18 Nov 1996 21:45:51 -0600

Organization: SubGenius Police Auxilliary

 

 

(David F Lynch) writes:

 

> >The other thing, is I went up to communion, and I get uncomfortable

> >with this, because invariably I get bits of the little wafers stuck

> >to my teeth. I mean, as faux pas's go, that's a pretty bad one.

> >"Excuse me, but you've got some Jesus stuck to your teeth". And

> >then what are you going to do, pick it out and chuck it somewhere?

> >Is that sacrilege? You see all the confusing questions Catholics

> >have to deal with?

 

Yeah, you think the Lord would have a little better mouth-feel. While I

was Catholic-occupied territory I would regularly get The Lord stuck to my

palate. He'd latch onto me near the top of my throat. For the rest of the

mass I'd be working my tongue back and forth over Him, trying to pry Our

Saviour off the roof of my mouth. He'd get all soft and sticky and

eventually The Messiah would melt off where I could chew him up properly.

He always tasted best when dry however, right off the fingers of the

alter-boy-buggering priest. You can say what you want about Catholics, but

their Jesus is the best tasting unleavened Prince of Peace around. I wish

they'd let Madison Avenue take a crack at Him. I'd love to be able to get

a box of Jesus Crisps at the market. Right there by the Triscuits and

Cheese Nips.

 

Andy "Oh Heavenly Donner" Testa

 

--

"Acid's like a woman: A good one Andy Testa

will eat right through your pants." atesta@concom.com

-Mel Gibson Vote Dobbs/Xenu in 96!

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

From: "Myrkury" <MyRK@VOICENET.com>

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Food of the Gods

Date: 18 Nov 1996 16:16:35 GMT

Organization: Voicenet - Internet Access - (215)674-9290

 

 

 

David F Lynch <dflync01@starbase.spd.louisville.edu> wrote:

> The other thing, is I went up to communion, and I get uncomfortable

> with this, because invariably I get bits of the little wafers stuck

> to my teeth. I mean, as faux pas's go, that's a pretty bad one.

> "Excuse me, but you've got some Jesus stuck to your teeth". And

> then what are you going to do, pick it out and chuck it somewhere?

> Is that sacrilege? You see all the confusing questions Catholics

> have to deal with?

One of the best things about being an altar boy (almost makes up for the

"personal time" with the priests) is that the communion must be finished

off. So on slow Sundays one gets to guzzle all that leftover Jesus blood.

(One hell of a buzz!)

Myrkury

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

From: mtownsend@earthlink.net (Michael Townsend)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Food of the Gods

Date: Tue, 19 Nov 1996 05:55:50 -0500

Organization: Dad's New Slacks

 

atesta@concom.com (Andrew J. Testa) wrote:

 

->You can say what you want about Catholics, but

->their Jesus is the best tasting unleavened Prince of Peace around. I wish

->they'd let Madison Avenue take a crack at Him. I'd love to be able to get

->a box of Jesus Crisps at the market. Right there by the Triscuits and

->Cheese Nips.

 

Would it surprise you to learn that most of the Lord Cookies in this

country are actually baked by a special division of Nabisco?

 

--

Dads New Slacks is RADIO

PO Box 4722 Portland ME 04112-4722 USA

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

From: ljduchez@en.com (Lou Duchez)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: Food of the Gods

Date: 19 Nov 1996 11:52:16 GMT

Organization: Berea Genetic Manipulations

 

In <mtownsend-1911960555500001@cust124.max13.boston.ma.ms.uu.net> Michael

Townsend <mtownsend@earthlink.net> wrote:

> atesta@concom.com (Andrew J. Testa) wrote:

 

> ->You can say what you want about Catholics, but

> ->their Jesus is the best tasting unleavened Prince of Peace around. I wish

> ->they'd let Madison Avenue take a crack at Him. I'd love to be able to get

> ->a box of Jesus Crisps at the market. Right there by the Triscuits and

> ->Cheese Nips.

 

> Would it surprise you to learn that most of the Lord Cookies in this

> country are actually baked by a special division of Nabisco?

 

RJR Nabisco? The cigarette guys? Man, is there any kind of addictive

opiate they DON'T push?

 

--