netFrom: (Dennis McClain-Furmanski)

Newsgroups: alt.slack

Subject: Re: NENSLO Death Threat

Date: 26 Aug 1995 18:48:30 GMT

Organization: InfiNet

On Fri. Aug 25, 1995, told All:

> * 2qwk! 1.26b3 * I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.


> Dear sir,

> if the weather in your part of the world has been like it

> has here i suggest covering your rocks during the hottest

> part of the day and watering them thoroughly in the

> evening. yours:-0

> Pope "O.J" Obi Juan Kennedy III.



Pope OJ,

I'm very grateful for your advice. I will follow it with the remainder of

the crop. However, it turns out this was not the cause of death of these

three. It seems they were infected with a virus known as

micaschistomiasis. They flaked out. I have innoculated the rest of them

using a topical corprointment. This was done with due caution, as these

are not 'pet' rocks, but an attempt to augment the local indigenous

population by providing a safe and nurturing environment, while

maintaining their wild state. I have to admit though, I frequently protect

them from predators, which is an artificial environment somewhat. The cows

tend to uncover and kick loose some of the locals in their travels around

the pasture. As the population of these 'newcomers' increases, so does the

stress level of my crop. They tend to stop eating. By walking the 240

acres all night and carrying the loose rocks out to the road, I've been

able to keep the hostiles down to a manageable level. I've asked the cows

to walk softer, but they ignore me. I think they do it on purpose. You

know the type -- hang around in a gang, all dressed the same -- strictly

trouble makers. I've been trying to find a source for Shell No-Cow

Strips(tm), but it seems they're no longer being made. I guess I'll just

have to stick with the Claymore anti-bovine mines. The noise bothers the

crop some, but they do seem to enjoy calculating the trajectory of the cow

pieces and betting on which piece will fly farthest. By becoming used to

the noise, perhaps they'll be better able to survive in the wild state

even though civilization is encoraching on their normal range. Got to run;

one of the picnic tables has just walked up the hill from the park. I have

to head it off before it steps on them. They're blind, you know. They

can't help it.

* 2qwk! 1.26b3 * A metaphor is like a simile.

-- The Doctor is on.