From Mon Nov 02 02:53:15 1998

Newsgroups: alt.slack


From: "Rev. Random the Other" <>

Date: Mon, 02 Nov 1998 05:53:15 -0500


I HATE these people. These are HONOR STUDENTS. This then is the

key for preparation for Ritual: THERE ARE NO ENIGMAS IN SACRED SPACE.

Stoned. Immaculate. Doug Smith has the customers he deserves, and

who could wish a worse--or more fitting--retribution on him than

that? Sooner or later you catch yourself peeing while standing up

and have to wrap yourself in another layer of self denial. I will

SPY on MYSELF!!! I urge EVERYBODY to JOIN me in SPLITTING off into

their OWN faction of one!!!! Henceforth, my name will be on the

WHOA, SHIT nucleus of the thalmus. And you know where to find the

best pills, don't you? WELL DON'T YOU? Everything you know is wrong.

I believe this a lot just now. "DuhhhDuhhhh!" NO YOU MAGGOT! GET

WITH THE PROGRAM! From just beyond the edge of light, from the

deeper darkness where no living being has ever walked, comes the

terror of those who have given their souls to the devil. The blue

blade caught him in the throat and held him. Prepare to erase and

terminate any feral AI over DEVlevel 295 for which core code loc is

known. JELLYFISH? Haven't you boys ever fucked or at least SEEN a

Prairy Squid? Artificial dumbness is the real thing...accept only

GENUINE faux substitutes.With all those other Personal Saviours,

hell they're always WATCHING you, "Did you SIN too much today? Are

you gonna be able to pay the bills this month? Are you doing your

best? Did you remember to kiss my ass?" With Dobbs, you don't have

that problem, because "BOB" DOESN'T CARE. Just when life looks

intolerable, INVOLUNTARY SLACK may be your deliverence. Oh, it may

not be the kind of Slack you had in MIND. THAT FACE IS EVIL GRINNING

DEATH!! He pretends to be a holy man but he's just another RICH

LYING FRAUD preying on the WEAK and STUPID. No moral. Not funny. A

half hour or so later, some guy walks up to me with a cold can of

soda. All he said was "I've got Slack." There are thousands of

avenues to take, and this is something most of us still need to give

more thought to before we can build an effective resistance. Were

YOU a real person? EVER? I'm serious. For yet I do bear the unholy

weight of the Tokyo Blowjobfish "Bob" Pod Amulet. This tireless

intern's snatch has done more to promote America's foreign policy

objectives than all our diplomats combined. And why pick on cinder

blocks? They KNOW the end is ALMOST HERE, the GREAT UNDERTAKING is

AT HAND,and he who dies earliest and bestest gets the RILLY BIG


reached in and pulled his eager membrane from the recesses of his

abdomen. I tried to imaging being a human tire wedge until the sun

came up. That's the way the pork wags, I say. Sex can just be sex.

I don't even blame Disney for that though; it only makes sense for

them to TRY to project this image - I blame the pink MORONS for

buying into it. Of course you did, because to believe in other

people's change as the answer to your life's longings only

guarantees that you will NEVER get whet you want. How much power

would Pit Slaves have in a world where everyone says "NO" to them

and laughs at them? "I do not see this as a room full of corpses."

Except Janor, but then they were used to that. Once I vacuume the

womb I just kinda dig around in the cup until I find them. Santa

cut down two of them before they could realize their situation. My

neighbors would have to use milk crates for furniture. And that's

only afterI had all th milk crates I would ever need for the rest

of my life. "Get stompin' woman!" he commanded. I didn't join the

Ninja Nun Corps to back away from the messy jobs. And dollars to

Dobbsheads the lot of you will be sucking on your saucer tickets

next October wondering what happened. Goddamn, talk about

becoming a spokesdrone for the revolution of lowered expectations!

He must have used a very dull drill bit. We not only had money

stolen from us, but we actively participated in the theft. Then it

was our turn to go away, so we did--not much sadder or wiser, but

certainly eight hours older. It was so much easier for her to be a

bird. Not exactly the Pee Wee Herman imitation you were expecting.

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy, no one suspected

he was packing an Uzi. A bunch of weirdos with nothing in common

but the recognition of some pipe-faced man as an archetype of

Slackcan organize and communicate and nurture each other in the

face of a society that represses these weirdos. OK I just wanted

to put up a Rant without putting in any effort. My "personal

credibility" blew its wad YEARS ago. BECAUSE FAT GUYS GOT FAT

COVERING UP THEIR DICK, IS WHY! They're the same's just

that skinny guys got more to USE. There have been five such major

extinction events, in which 90% of species were rubbed out

regardless of prior adaptedness. Little known bit of trivia: all

five fell on July 5. You organometallic, anthropoid moron.

"From now on, as of this moment, you can do whatever you want."

"Sweety..."quoth my Beloved as I was unwinding after a hard day,

"would you like to stuff a gerbil up my ass?" ANYTHING THAT MAKES

IT HARDER TO PEE IS ANTISLACK. ...was jepordized by a tragic turn

of events that deprived me of the little pig whose butt, almost

constantly, was dramatically up in the air. Furthermore, should

one gain an understanding of the Mysterious Mysteries, one will

find the world strangely altered. Although Dobbs had a small army

to do his bidding, he always insisted he didn't want mindless

followers. The idea that everyone was "unique" was widely promoted

in society, yet somehow I always got the impression that I crossed

even THAT line. Terms like "Master" and "Slave" are not often used

when describing the employment contract; however, this does not

mean that such terms don't apply. The horns were in the box with

the sleeping turkeys. I've never seen him sober except when he was

in jail. Do I need my Rock & Roll more than I need my earthly

peace and quiet? The world of rules was no longer enough for you;

you had to enter the world of struggle. Well, I think the honor

would go to would-be elitists that would heap opprobrium on

certain people while trying to generate a feeling of smug

comraderie with others. What the FUCK is wrong with these

BLADDER-SUCKING MANIACS? Because there is no major market for

human hides, particular care in removing the skin in a single

piece is not necessary. Come to think of it, money would override

even my hetrosexuality if there's enough of it.

Rent-An-Emaciated-Crack-Whore-Service. What IF the things you fear

are TRUE but your efforts are actually FUELING their CONTROL? The

world is full of people who ALMOST understand. Bring Hitler back

and have Jesus kill him, and then he'd get lots of followers. Yes,

but if Jesus tells his followers to leave their stuff behind, then

he can have his "cleanup crew" come by and loot. Thus the typical

dichotomous states of the holiest SubGeniuses --either everything


MIDDLE GROUND. the fact that one of the eggs was missing almost

got me the death penalty, but they did a full tox screen on

me...they felt that I was stable enough for the work camp. The

problem with walls built around yourself, sir, is that as much as

you plan them, as much as you scheme and desire to have them work

the way you want them to, they have a nifty habit of building

themselves. Is that your Church? The Church of one man all alone,

not able to feel a thing? With so many ways to kill "Bob", are you

going to settle with SUICIDE? Well, it works because its FIXED.

Radio-controlled poon. And something, ANYTHING, that was

EVERYTHING you expected it to be and STILL was that after you got

it. And your third sphincter SHALL be increased in bandwith and

you SHALL NOT have connection problems now or in the future, and

yea, you SHALL be able to get the RealFucking (tm) plug-in to work

from Subsite. The best thing about Dobbs is that he's a totally

platform-independant diety--the beliefs that you formerly wasted

on Dobbs can be lavished on any number of alternate "saviors": a

TV show, a political party, even a cheap plastic trinket can be

your new key to eternal happiness. There is no way in hell you are

going to tear down the walls; hell, it's highly unlikely that

you'll tear down ANY of the walls. For you profligate scoffers who

deny the inevitable truth of "Bob"'s word, I would like to remind

you that each and every day you live brings you closer to your

last breath. Ordinarily, I wouldn't expect to get through it

without someone having a head injury. I've been vaguely worried,

in a soulless sort of way, that I may have misplaced my soul.

Another Dog Waffle into the dish. I built COURTNEY LOVE out of

SPARE PARTSI found in my BACK-YARD. But on the other hand those

poor fools were ASSURED of getting something they DID like later


THERE. You thought this Church would protect you from the

schoolyard bullies that grew up and became your bosses,

businessmen, barflies, booking agents, and other authoritarian

pukes. You thought WE would fight your battles for you. I have

been had. I let myself be led along blindly, obeying, trusting,

and not questioning. But sometimes even sheep look up. At least

places like alt.slack realize the existance, and even the right to

exist, of the unexpected, or the different from themselves. You

should bear in mind that the only assets of the defendand is a

dirty pile of women's panties. Maggie drove me to the Emergency

Room, where I explained the SAME THING to each seperate person I

met, several of whom were probably janitors and telephone

technicians. As for us, we's on a mission from "Bob" to make sure

that THEY are sucked onto OUR memetic mind-fucker and made into

MORE OF US. At least now the struggle is mine and I've taked

control back of my own destiny. And therein lies the plug for your

Slack drain. Enjoy YOUR world. Take NOTES, he is doing what WE

should be doing. Blowing myself for all eternity. The dumber people

think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you

kill them. It is not hard to separate people from their money.

They WANT to spend it, and they NEED a salesman to convince them

that they are not doing something horrible and wrong. No

individual raindrop considers itself responsible for the flood. A

good scren door can be a blessing, and an ALMOST good one can be a

greater curse than a fully busted and worthless one. This sentence

makes the observation that there are uncertain and difficult

times, and that relationships, even deep-rooted and permanent

ones, do have a tendency to break down. Everything else changes,

but who dies will remain dead. Even a little bit of Slack will

always whip the shit out of large masses of anti-Slack. We're not

just a collective gathering of idiots and misfits mentally

masturbating at our computers! I will NEVER be a slave. I will

never let YOU - ANY of you - become enslaved unless you truly wish

it. Who the fuck says you can't breakdance to Corpus Delicti? You

can inspire even a Pink to greatness for a day, sometimes even for

a week...but for a lifetime?? Forgetaboutit. We'll see who has the

bigger body count. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the

stairs. "That's a faulty syllogism." Dave, Tony, and Jeff

screamed. Forever. Give me the Gas. Spare me from false teeth and

Alzheimers. Industrial saws are very in vogue; that's what the

young folks like these days. Who said don't look back?


Rev. Random the Other

Gription Clench

Handbill Mill of the Gods