I can't think of any other decorative plants that are quite as big
as sunflowers. There may be, but please don't tell me about them.
It just isn't normal for a plant to grow taller than my friend
Jaq,
who is pretty dang tall.
Sunflowers look like mutant daisies- they're living proof of the
dangers of a radioactive drinking supply. They're also the most
humanlike form in the plant world, which is perhaps the crux of
why they unnerve me so darn much. I'm convinced that they pull
their roots out of the ground every night with the aid of their
big handlike leaves and walk around where ever they please when
no one is watching. And you can't tell me any different.
In fact, I'm also convinced that they sneak into your room at night
and suck the life out of you. Well, not you, maybe,
since you're reading this and so you must be very much alive. But
definitely there are those who have not been so lucky to escape
the twisted and fiendish attentions of the Evil Sunflowers.
My neighbor recently planted some baby sunflowers in my garden.
They've grown 3 feet in 3 weeks. I've decided he works for the
sunflowers, that they've possessed him, like in Invasion of the
Body Snatchers. I always make sure I'm nice to my neighbor.
I've also taken to looking at the sunflower plants everyday in my
garden. I'm attempting to make friends with them, or at least let
them think I don't suspect anything about thier diabolical little
conspiracy. They're also directly underneath my roommates'
bedroom, so I figure the sunflowers will suck the life out of them
first. This is somewhat more comforting to me at night, as it gives me
at least some chance of hearing them before they come for me.
Mostly I'm okay if I don't ever see the little life suckers. Luckily
I don't live in Kansas. But now that my neighbor, the willing minion
of the Evil Sunflowers, has actually planted them in my own yard, I'm
just a little on edge. So don't mind me. But at least you'll know what
has happened if I suddenly disappear...